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Old 03-11-2013, 05:01 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Boyfriend- heroin addict


My boyfriend is a heroin addict (inhaling). He's been addicted to heroin for past two years. He went into rehab a year ago, relapsed after 4 months. Then again in december 2012 he went to inpatient. When he got out we had really bad time, he was antisocial saying that he doesn't feel like he got enough help, He would just tell me not to touch him/ not talk to him, etc. he relapsed again after 2 weeks. He called me the next day saying that he used. Since that time he has been going to outpatient, stepped down already. Also attending AA meetings 6 times a week, began working part time. He seems very charismatic and seems like he's willing to change. He's been clean for 54 days (from what he says) but Im very suspicious.. Last night he was talking in his sleep, sweating.. Then in the morning he woke up in terrible mood, complaining that his whole body hurts and very antisocial again. He also vomitted. Seem like withdrawal symptoms. I asked him if he used he got very angry saying that I don't trust him and he can't take that lack of trust.. After he used last time he promised that he wouldnt put me through that again and if anything happens he'll just leave me.. I do want to believe him but I already did give him my trust so many times.. If he didn't use can my suspicions cause his relapse? How can I handle that? I'm so afraid, I feel like Im powerless
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Old 03-11-2013, 05:08 AM   #2 (permalink)
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If he didn't use can my suspicions cause his relapse? How can I handle that? I'm so afraid, I feel like Im powerless

There is NOTHING that you can say or do that will make him use or make him stop. You aren't that powerful, unfortunately. He may try and blame you, of course, that's what addicts do.

Your BF is an addict who has given you many reasons not to trust him. If he were really recovering, he would understand this and be going out of his way to earn back your trust.

I'm very sorry for the pain you are in. But, I have to ask, what are you getting out of this relationship? Why don't you think you deserve better?
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Old 03-11-2013, 06:22 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I truly love him. I've seen how he's been getting better, the improvement he has made. He is a good guy, and I do feel very happy when I'm around him. It's the tought of him using again, lies.. I do feel that I don't deserve to go through that, but at the same time I feel like he doesn't deserve to be rejected either just because he got lost in his own life..
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Old 03-11-2013, 06:28 AM   #4 (permalink)
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You are powerless, nothing you do or say will change a thing, it is all up to him.

If you are not doing so I would suggest that you start attending Naranon meetings, and read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie...knowledge is power, learn all you can about what you are dealing with...until you do, he will outsmart you everytime, addicts are very cunning and will lie at the drop of a hat. Watch his actions, forget his words, they mean nothing.

Keep posting, it will help.
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Old 03-11-2013, 07:35 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
I feel like Im powerless
You feel powerless because you are powerless......but only as it pertains to him. You are not powerless as it pertains to yourself.

One of the most powerful realizations for me was understanding the difference between what I can control and what I can't. Accepting what I can't control. And taking the necessary action to take care of my emotional, psychological and spiritual health to the best of my ability......first and foremost.

By continually trying to control the addict, watch his every move, guess whether or not he used, feeling sorry for him, etc., the focus is entirely on something/someone who you have absolutely no control over. It will certainly make us feel powerless and as though our own lives are spiraling out of control. And it usually is.....because our focus is on the wrong person.

Take care of you.

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 03-11-2013, 04:29 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Thank You so much. I do know that I have to take care of myslef, and Im trying to stay on the right track. Its so difficult to face the truth.. I want to believe in what he says so much but I know that Ive been through that already. I don't want to be lied to anymore. I feel like he's trying but I don't know if I should have faith in him or just give up. I love him and I want to be by his side forever but I don't know if that's the right thing to do..
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