jerect

I got a text message this morning from my EXAH.. Actually I got two text messages.. One was a picture with him and some much younger girl and other was a message saying that he has never been happier and how glad he is that I'm not in is life anymore and what a b**ch I am and to eff off and have a nice life..

Mind you, I havent had any contact with him since he moved out of my house on December 23rd.. Didn't even have his new phone number or a way to reach him.. Because I live in a small town I had heard he was living in a motel and had a new girlfriend.. didn't and still doesnt bother me in the least.. he is someone elses problem now.. and what a winner she has.. a 38 year old BF who lives in a motel and waits tables for a living..

My first thought was to respond to that text message.. but while I was typing out an equally vile response, my first thought was.. If I send this text message, How is that affecting my recovery? By sending it I will be giving him a reaction just like he wants me too.. I'm giving him a reaction alright.. Silence... Needless to say I blocked his number and did not respond to that text.. It was hard not too because of the ugly things he said in his text but thats on him, He obviously has a lot of anger inside of him if he felt the need to send a text at 1am along with a picture of his new girlfriend..

So then I layed there stewing for a few moments trying to analyze that text, why he sent it and why thought he was hurting me by sending it.. then the thought came to me.. It doesnt matter what his intentions were, he is a drug addict, I can analyze all day and his actions will never make sense..

Moral of the story.. Block and walk.. No way am I breaking NC and messing up my recovery over someone that is no longer in my life.. And as I predicted, it didnt take him long to find some poor soul to enable his addiction..

The text didn't make me sad, it made me angry that he violated my serenity for a few moments..

NC is hard but it can be done and its the best way to move on from an unhealthy relationship..

interrupted

Good for you! Your recovery is really shining!

Kindeyes

There's some great recovery in your post! Way to GO! You hit the nail on the head....he was trying to get a response from you and you didn't give him the satisfaction of responding in the manner he hoped you would. I'm willing to bet that it's making him absolutely crazy that you didn't respond to him. He fully expected that vile response....it would fuel his next retort. And so on and so on and so on......back and forth.....you nipped that nonsense in the bud!!

You're taking care of you and your recovery first......good job!

gentle hugs
ke

LoveMeNow

Great job working your program Jerect. Not reacting can be very empowering.

zoso77

My AXGF did the same thing, sending me a picture. The level of sadism the addict is capable of is remarkable, isn't it? But even though it really, really hurt at that time, I still had the presence of mind to tell myself, he doesn't know what he's in for.

Well, the new girl doesn't know, either. You did the right thing by not taking the bait. Nice work.

Best,
ZoSo

shinebright7

Wow, very cool to read. Thank you for sharing this. I agree with the others your recovery is really shining through! It reminds me that I can be clear and THINK before I do something too. High five! xo

bi11fish

Nice job--maybe he wanted you to feel as bad as he does now--as in pull you down to his level of misery!!!!

EverHopeful721

GREAT JOB, jerect!! You should be SO PROUD of yourself, and you are an inspiration to us all!!

tjp613

Good job! (And besides, not responding probably p*ssed him off even more...so you killed 2 birds with one stone! tee hee)

And, oh yeah, since when do you sit around all nice and content with your life and decide out of the blue that you're gonna text all your exes about how happy you are and that they should all just eff off!?!?? Methinks he's not quite as happy as he says! LOL

Lily1918

HOORAY!! your recovery is shining for sure Im so glad to hear you chose silence as a reply. Koodos to you!

AnvilheadII

gosh how much FUN he must be having if part of that "fun" is to take pictures and then send them to the ex...at 1am!?? yeah, really living it up here.

dude, seriously?

so glad you saw thru that, and kept your force field up!

GardenMama

A great example of self-preservation and healthy detachment instincts! Way to shine!

laurie6781

WAY TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for posting this, to show the new members that anything is possible
in recovery and to REMIND the 'older' members (me) just how recovery is suppose
to work, roflmao

You did great!!!!! Made my heart smile this A.M. and yes, my heart needs smiles
on a daily basis. Thank you.

You can reward yourself for this one!!! Maybe a hot fudge sundae or a banana split,
again with hot fudge on it, or ????? you get the idea

Lots of love and bunches and bunches of hugs,

noanxtime

Good for you!
And as another observation from me - "The outside looking in..." perspective.
The "Ha, ha look at me being so happy!" Is frankly, pretty juvenile and kind of pathetic and I'm sure makes you glad no to be around someone who would go out of his way to send you such a stupid message.
If he was truly that 'happy', sending it would probably have never entered his mine me thinks!!

dollydo

"block and walk"

Good for you, your recovery is shing through.

pianogirl1193

Wow jerect, that is so awesome. I'm glad you thought it through and decided not to send your message back. I agree with all the other replies...just wanted to say that i'm proud of you and inspired by how far you clearly have come in your recovery. Thanks for sharing!

jerect

Trust me guys it wasn't easy. I came really really close to hitting send but I refuse to stoop to his level.. all I could think was I just watched my best friend bury his child over the weekend, I don't have time for this petty crap...if I was happy and in love the last thing I would want to do is share that with my ex spouse..

Block and walk is my new mantra :-)

Ann

Sick people send sick messages. You and I both know he's not doing well and the whole purpose of that message was to hurt you.

You didn't take the bait!!! Well done and Bravo!!! Your recovery is shining girl!!

"Block and Walk" could be a wonderful new slogan here.

Hugs

LoveMeNow

Without trying to hijack your thread, I have a question for those in recovery.....

If I received that text and worked my recovery like Jerect did....blocked and walked (BTW, LOVE that) - I would still joke about what "I should have sent" which I have had to try hard not to share with you Jerect, lol.

I know I could have a lot of laughs with the "should ofs" and the humor would release the frustrations but....is that healthy????

jerect

Lol you should have seen the vile text I stopped myself from sending.. but he isn't worth it .. The best revenge is living a very happy and fulfilled life and I'm trying to do just that and obviously he knows that or else he wouldn't have tried to steal my joy..