He's Coming Home Tomorrow...
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 430
He's Coming Home Tomorrow...
My dear husband is coming home tomorrow...
After being gone for a month and going on the bender that sent my world upside-down.
Recently we've had several days of no voice contact...
And three days of no text contact or voice contact...
And in 3 weeks I've been to I think 19 meetings. Boy did I need them!
There have been SO MANY ups and downs in the last 3 weeks...
And tonight I can honestly say that I am feeling stronger in myself and clearer about my own needs and boundaries.
Ahhhh.
I texted him tonight to check in and then called him so we could reconnect.
It was kind of awkward, but also very gentle and loving.
He said many times he doesn't know what to say...he's just glad that I'm talking to him again and he's sorry for putting me through so much pain.
I thanked him for respecting my boundary and giving me those days of quiet because I really needed them. He said it was very hard for him not to talk to me.
I told him I'm glad to be seeing him tomorrow and that we'll just have to take it one day at a time as we get reconnected with each other after this month apart -- we've both been through a lot.
He said he's been going to his AA meetings and that he will continue when he gets back. I told him I'm committed to my Al Anon meetings and they're really helping me.
We spent some time on the phone catching up on mundane things too...
Then we spent some time just being quiet and not saying anything.
It was nice.
And I really do feel glad that he's coming home...
And I am REALLY glad that I gave myself these few days of no contact so I could think things through and BE with myself. I needed it more than I knew.
I also re-iterated that I am not going to live my life controlling him. That he is free to do what he wants to do and is going to do. It's his choice. But that based on his choices, I will make my own choices based on what is and isn't okay for me. He said he understood that.
I find myself just loving him. Not getting too excited one way or the other -- I'm not afraid he's going to go another binge and I'm not confident that everything is just going to be hunky dory.
It doesn't matter right now because I know that if things get rough again, that I am clear about my boundaries and I will tell him he can't live here. It seems very simple to me right now so I'm going to do what I can to keep that feeling simple.
I have to remember how incredibly sick and stressed out I have been recently -- and how my boundaries are to prevent that from happening again. My boundaries are to support me in feeling strong and happy and SAFE.
So that is why they are important to me. That's what I choose to remember right now and remind myself of as we move forward.
I am committed to working my program in Al Anon and not stressing myself out trying to control him in anyway. I am going to lean into my Higher Power and my commitment to myself this week is to find someone in one of my groups to be at least my temporary sponsor so I can start working the steps more deeply and have that one contact person who can help me if I get stuck and need help.
I am also trusting in my Higher Power that what is right for me is always happening. The road ahead with my husband and I is not going to be easy 100% of the time, but I am willing to keep showing up for myself so that I give myself the best chance of us having a wonderful marriage together.
And if it is not meant to be, then I know I can be grateful for that also. This is what Al Anon is showing me. My happiness is not dependent on others. Period. Whether they are an addict or not...I do not need to have my happiness and well-being determined by their actions.
So stay tuned! His flight comes in tomorrow afternoon.
And you know I'll be back with updates.
Love you, SR Friends!
After being gone for a month and going on the bender that sent my world upside-down.
Recently we've had several days of no voice contact...
And three days of no text contact or voice contact...
And in 3 weeks I've been to I think 19 meetings. Boy did I need them!
There have been SO MANY ups and downs in the last 3 weeks...
And tonight I can honestly say that I am feeling stronger in myself and clearer about my own needs and boundaries.
Ahhhh.
I texted him tonight to check in and then called him so we could reconnect.
It was kind of awkward, but also very gentle and loving.
He said many times he doesn't know what to say...he's just glad that I'm talking to him again and he's sorry for putting me through so much pain.
I thanked him for respecting my boundary and giving me those days of quiet because I really needed them. He said it was very hard for him not to talk to me.
I told him I'm glad to be seeing him tomorrow and that we'll just have to take it one day at a time as we get reconnected with each other after this month apart -- we've both been through a lot.
He said he's been going to his AA meetings and that he will continue when he gets back. I told him I'm committed to my Al Anon meetings and they're really helping me.
We spent some time on the phone catching up on mundane things too...
Then we spent some time just being quiet and not saying anything.
It was nice.
And I really do feel glad that he's coming home...
And I am REALLY glad that I gave myself these few days of no contact so I could think things through and BE with myself. I needed it more than I knew.
I also re-iterated that I am not going to live my life controlling him. That he is free to do what he wants to do and is going to do. It's his choice. But that based on his choices, I will make my own choices based on what is and isn't okay for me. He said he understood that.
I find myself just loving him. Not getting too excited one way or the other -- I'm not afraid he's going to go another binge and I'm not confident that everything is just going to be hunky dory.
It doesn't matter right now because I know that if things get rough again, that I am clear about my boundaries and I will tell him he can't live here. It seems very simple to me right now so I'm going to do what I can to keep that feeling simple.
I have to remember how incredibly sick and stressed out I have been recently -- and how my boundaries are to prevent that from happening again. My boundaries are to support me in feeling strong and happy and SAFE.
So that is why they are important to me. That's what I choose to remember right now and remind myself of as we move forward.
I am committed to working my program in Al Anon and not stressing myself out trying to control him in anyway. I am going to lean into my Higher Power and my commitment to myself this week is to find someone in one of my groups to be at least my temporary sponsor so I can start working the steps more deeply and have that one contact person who can help me if I get stuck and need help.
I am also trusting in my Higher Power that what is right for me is always happening. The road ahead with my husband and I is not going to be easy 100% of the time, but I am willing to keep showing up for myself so that I give myself the best chance of us having a wonderful marriage together.
And if it is not meant to be, then I know I can be grateful for that also. This is what Al Anon is showing me. My happiness is not dependent on others. Period. Whether they are an addict or not...I do not need to have my happiness and well-being determined by their actions.
So stay tuned! His flight comes in tomorrow afternoon.
And you know I'll be back with updates.
Love you, SR Friends!
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