LoveMeNow

Since I have been home (only a few days), I have seen a huge change in my husband since he got the Vivitrol shot. "Real" recovery or not, I have not seen him this happy, or this healthy in a long time. He has continued his meetings, saw his therapist last Friday and would like me to go with him next Friday. He is desiring more spirituality and has talked about that a lot again. I am not sure what is going on with his sponsor or steps because I haven't asked and he hasn't mentioned it.

But for me, I really feel the need to work harder then ever on my recovery now. I feel very motivated again and I am not sure why. Maybe its because I haven't been for a while since I was away or maybe its because I know I could easily slip back and lose much of what I have gained. Maybe its both. I really don't know. But I am not going to over think it, I am just going to do it.

As I type this, that ugly word "fear" keeps entering my thoughts. I guess a part of me feels "this" might only be temporary and I need to be "prepared" for what might come.

Regardless of the whys, I am determined to put more time and effort in. I am determined to work harder on ME and my recovery. But just for today, I feel happy and at peace being home again.

I thank God and all who have helped me learn how important *I" am again and that MY needs matter too!! My recovery will not be dependent on my husband. I have been there and done that and I know where that got me.

lightseeker

LMN,

Welcome back home. I understand the fear aspect. I finally reconciled the whole thing b6 committing 100% to my own recovery. That way, no matter what happened I would be in a better place. I knew that I had a lot of work to do on me - and in a way, my circumstances kept my nose to the grind stone.

My counselor really helped me a lot. We spoke of how I wanted my life to look in 5 years. My mantra became that I lived in a stress free and loving environment. That then took the focus off of my relationship with my ex. I knew where I was headed no matter if he was with me or not. It also didn't preclude his opportunity to grow and change too. He didn't, I did, and you know the rest of my story. And I actually got there two years early.

I guess I'm saying that having the focus on your recovery will hold you in good stead no matter what the circumstances turn out to be. Even after I left it helped me to deal with a lot of the repercussions of it all. It also helped me to confront the fact that in many ways I was still unhappy and my own issues were at the root of tHat. Recovery work has helped me to deal with all of that as well.

I'm not familiar with the injection that your husband took but it sounds like a good thing. Sometimes the "beast" has to get quiet enough that you can actually focus on the work that needs to be done. A few years ago I took a grad course in substance abuse and there seemed to be a lot of research being done on the pharmaceutical aspects of managing addiction.

Hugs!

Anaya

Fear...ugh...sometimes it pops up when we least expect it.

It's encouraging to hear your husband is in a better place and that you continue to do well. Hugs!

shinebright7

Yeah, I'm in the same boat. I am hesitant to get too excited about positive experiences with my husband. Just because he's started to go to AA meetings doesn't mean everything is better and we can go back to life as usual. It's a journey!

I know I'm going to have to stay totally committed to my recovery - and man, it just keeps coming clearer and clearer to me how much I need it. Not just for my relationship with my husband, but for my whole life in general. I feel a massive healing is going to take place for me...

And as for my husband, who knows, he may also have a massive healing with a spiritual solution if he sticks with the AA program and works it. Time will tell. But like you said, LMN...my recovery is not going to be dependent on my husband. !!

I love that we're in this together, ladies, and can rediscover ourselves and learn from each other along the way. I'm really glad to be here amongst you. ((((hugs))))

I'll be thinking of you and your husband LMN -- Keep up the great self-loving! xo

Kindeyes

I understand this.....I am feeling much the same way. When I feel that bile of fear rising up in my throat, I say the Serenity Prayer (sometimes over and over and over again until the feeling passes). I'm trying to stay in today.....and let each tomorrow unfold as it comes along.

I'm glad to hear that you are recommitted to your own recovery. It is what we have some measure of control over.

gentle hugs
ke

supportforme

LMN -
That is awesome. You have come so far in your own recovery. Live for today. I'm glad today you have peace and serenity. Remember this is a process and we need to go through it our way at our pace.... You are doing a wonderful job lady!!!

Lily1918

I am in a similar place LMN. Isn't it funny how fear comes in "when things are going well"? Hugs to you. Im glad to hear that you are focusing on you! hugs to you!