jzeb2008

I'm considering going no contact with my husband and mother in law for awhile. He tried calling this afternoon after he tried manipulating me to come home on Monday after he spends the remainder of the weekend with his older daughter that he NEVER sees (only to suck his mom out of her pills.He's not fooling me.It has NOTHING to do with spending time with his daughter.) He wants to come back when he feels like it,on his terms without ANY work on himself or our marriage. NOT HAPPENING!!! I decided not to answer when he called (I was on the other line with my sponsor anyways. )I did not call back and I'm not planning on it.Certainly not while his snotty daughter is there. I'm going to try very hard not to answer if he calls either. Not like me,but wish me luck!

LoveMeNow

I am not sure why you feel the need to keep calling his 14 yr old daughter names. Personally, I think it says more about you then it does her. Her father is a drug addict and her step mother (you) obviously doesn't like her. The odds are really against her. I hope and pray she has a mother who is healthy enough to be the positive, loving adult she surely needs.

jzeb2008

No,actually her mother is a drug addict and has been in prison for dealing drugs. My step daughter is quite snotty and I have no problem saying that. She was raised to be that way.I have done EVERYTHING to be a part of her life since she was 7 years old. I've took her when her dad wasn't around (in prison) and have went out of my to make sure that she has always had just as much as my own children for birthdays, Christmas, Easter, ect.NEVER ONE THANK YOU!!! The last time that I saw her she wouldn't speak one word to me or the children. She has refused my friend requests on Facebook even when she accepts them from strangers. She won't have anything to do with her 22 month old sister including lying about being grounded so she didn't have to attend her first birthday party. Her own mother has encouraged her to have a relationship with our family. She agrees that she's spoiled rotten and snotty. As much as I've done for her to make her a part of my life and the children's and to show her that I love her,her actions show her character. Not mine. She old enough to know better than to act rude. My children don't act like that to people that they dislike. I didn't just come into her life yesterday.

AnvilheadII

No,actually her mother is a drug addict and has been in prison for dealing drugs.

and she's 14? cut the kid some slack! she is a product of her environment. she won't accept you on FACEBOOK? seriously? you have tons of hostility, yet you SAY you have shown her nothing but love? she's just a baby...not competition.

LoveMeNow

My husband is an addict. I have posted plenty about him that is honest and not pretty. His failures as a father are his and only he can make amends for that. I, too, own my own failures as a codependent mother. But one thing for sure is if I ever spoke that way, or worse felt that way about our (his bio) kids, he would leave me in a heartbeat and trust me, I am just as important to him.

I have made some very necessary boundaries for me regarding my son, my husband agrees with them and respects them. However, he is still my son, I love him with all my heart and always will. My husband is very careful what he says about him (in the heat of the moment) as well and I wouldn't have it any other way.

jzeb2008

My husband is also an addict and his behaviors are tearing apart our family. I certainly carry ALOT of frustrations and hostility, but do not direct them toward the children (not even my stepdaughter) I rarely speak to anyone about the problems in our marriage, my husband and mother in law's addictions or the hurt that I feel about my stepdaughter's respect for me.I've have NOT ONCE, said a harsh word to her.I speak at my Al-Anon meetings and to my sponsor about my frustrations with the entire situation (and have never been dismissed by my venting) Because I'm a stay at home mom with very little financial resources and a husband who (even when living under the same roof) rarely in the last several months has given me a dime towards the bills,gas or toiletries even though he wanted me to stay at home with the children.) I am not able to get to as many meetings as I would like or need to.So,I found this forum to help me cope and vent when need be.I guess I will try to make more meetings and discontinue posting here.

suki44883

His daughter has been traumatized by addiction the same as you have, only she is just 14 years old. She has no options. You do. You have experienced life without an addict front and center. She hasn't. Like was said before...cut her come slack. None of what you are going through is her fault.

LoveMeNow

Really?? You're going to stop posting because of what was posted here?? Take what you want and leave the rest. Also, its none of your business what I think of you!!

But just an FYI, I don't think you are a bad person at all. You, like me and many of us, are someone who has been terribly hurt and betrayed. Many of our emotions are/were raw and out of control.

I didn't like many of the posters at first but now feel so thankful and love them. For me, they helped me see what I could not.

Leaving SR would have been a big mistake for me but oh I how I wanted to at times, lol.

horriblethisis

The very reason why I Love SR is because people tell you "like it is"...they don't sugar coat anything, and they keep it real. That is what most of us need on this site. Sometimes I don't always like the response I get, but I will tell you something - it makes me think harder about my situation. If you post something here, and don't like the response...no worries...but don't take it so personal. There is a lot of information on this site from many wonderful people who are able to offer knowledge based on their personal experience.
JZEB2008 - I hope that you will continue to post here and gain some insight for your situation. You won't like what everyone has to say, but people are genuinely here to help others. Please don't be offended if they post something you don't wish to read...they are trying to help you, not get you mad. I wish you the best, and hope your situation improves.
Also- I just went NC with my husband, and it is sooooo hard...but I think it's going to be a very good thing for me!

greeteachday

Let's share our own experiences and not take inventory.

Hint...I find if I feel the need to post "you did...you should...you are...you have" etc it's not about sharing my experience, its about passing judgment on another.

jzeb2008

By the way,I grew up(from birth) in an addicted home. My father passed away 10 years ago due to his addictions.So,I do know what it's like to experience addiction as a child. But, I was also taught to respect others. Especially adults.

Hanna

I think this should be a safe place where we can express what we are feeling without concern for being judged. Even if that isn't true, I'm going to behave as if it is true and continue saying what I think and feel. Jzeb, I hope you will do the same. You have a right to be here and to say what you feel.

allforcnm

There is a great sticky over on the F&F alcoholics forum that talks about the use of "I" and "we" and a great idea for everyone... go back and look at some of your own post...submitted to others, count the number of times you used "YOU" instead of "I" in your replies. I went back to read those stickys because I saw this post. Very enlightening exercise for me, so thank you.