bigbrosKeeper

My brother (who I kicked out yesterday morning) just called me to give me his condolences for my cat that had to be put down tonight. He didn't ask to come here tonight, but it doesn't look like the place he stayed last night is available (I asked him, I know, I shouldn't have) I told him I loved him but that I just couldn't do it anymore - he said he understood, and he was sorry to have put me through this and not to be upset that he would be ok.

He spent the last 2 days working but wont get a check till Wednesday. I am half tempted to arrange a hotel/motel room for him, he was clean - I'm pretty good at telling by his voice/tone (it always amazed him when I lived 3000 miles away and knew he was high by a phone conversation). It's killing me not to tell him to just come here for the night as it is snowing like crazy and the temperature is supposed to drop well below freezing.

I know I can't - 2 days clean is not "Clean". Also, I know my husband would be totally against it - he is done. He was very patient the last 11 months of my brother living with us, he knew I had to get to this point myself, but now that my brother is out of the house, he doesn't want him back, and I can't blame him. I know I have to be strong - but God, it sucks

Hanna

It will get easier. Things will not always be as they are right now.

Your brother is on his own path. What you are doing is giving him the dignity to follow his path and It is the right thing to do.

Peace,
Hanna

Ann

When I started feeling very sad because my son was living on the street, it helped me to remind myself that real help was out there...help from detox, rehabs (the Salvation Army program is free), and from meetings every day in every part of town for NA, CA, AA are all available to help him, if he reaches out and asks.

"We" are not the solution to their problem, we are not even a good option. When they are ready, there is good help out there.

My heart and prayers go out to you. I know the sadness of watching someone we love destroy themselves. Please be careful not to let this destroy you too.

Hugs

Ann

I meant to add that there is help for us too. Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us find our balance again. Maybe give them a try.

Hugs

dollydo

His disease has tenacles that reach far and wide and can eventually destroy everything/everyone they come in contact with...that includes your marriage...unless you get a handle on your mindset, your enabling behavior.

The only way to really help him is to let him fall to his knees, until he is allowed the dignity to do so, he has no chance of getting back up and seeking recovery for life.

I would suggest that you attend Naranon meetings and spend the same money you want to spend on a hotel for him... on therapy for you.

There are homeless shelters that he can go to, or enroll in the Salvation Army free program.

Honestly, right now you are not part of the solution....you are part of the problem. Perhaps reading Codependent No More by Melody Beattie will be of help to you.

Sending support your way.