Do I just keep not responding?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Massachusetts (south shore)
Posts: 125
Do I just keep not responding?
Going NC is hard. Reading this email below that my hubby sent me is difficult. I should just ignore - right?
"I would never intentionally hurt you > I respect your recovery but hurting someone so deeply by not talking to someone you love so much I don't see that helps any ones recovery. I don't understand why you want to hurt me this badly again I have done bad things yes and believe together we can fix things in time but to hurt me intentionallyI just don't get.......I couldn't do it ! The things that I have done were never done to hurt you. love you and wont email you again until you want me to I hate that I feel like I am bothering my wife"
"I would never intentionally hurt you > I respect your recovery but hurting someone so deeply by not talking to someone you love so much I don't see that helps any ones recovery. I don't understand why you want to hurt me this badly again I have done bad things yes and believe together we can fix things in time but to hurt me intentionallyI just don't get.......I couldn't do it ! The things that I have done were never done to hurt you. love you and wont email you again until you want me to I hate that I feel like I am bothering my wife"
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Again, it's all about him. He is not respecting your wishes, he's not listening to what you have asked. Only whining and quacking.
Hmmm. If you hadn't read the email in the first place, you wouldn't be in this "difficult" predicament. That's a BIG part of going No Contact. Stop reading!!!
Hmmm. If you hadn't read the email in the first place, you wouldn't be in this "difficult" predicament. That's a BIG part of going No Contact. Stop reading!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by suki44883 
If you keep reading his emails, texts, etc., you haven't truly gone no contact.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by cynical one
Most servers that host emails have a setting where you can block or divert emails from specified addresses straight to the spam folder. Perhaps use this feature? Either go no contact or don't, it's this tween part where games are played that hurts.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SouthEast
Posts: 159
I wish I had the support to go truly NC with my EXAH when I was going through what you are now. Mine was guilting me, loved me so much, telling the kids he wanted to move back and I wouldn't let him.
All this time he was living with another woman and they had made plans to marry.
Work on YOU and if he is truly serious about his recovery, and works his recovery, then you can try the WE part again.
(((huggs)))
All this time he was living with another woman and they had made plans to marry.
Work on YOU and if he is truly serious about his recovery, and works his recovery, then you can try the WE part again.
(((huggs)))
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I found that turning my phone off and just finding something positive to occupy my time was super helpful. Turn on my favorite music... clean my house... get out of my house and go for a walk... get my nails done...
~or~
Can you contact your provider and block his number? If you don't like the peace and serenity you achieve with his number blocked, you can always call your provider back and request that the chaos be reinstated... but give it a couple days. No-one changes over night.
~or~
Can you contact your provider and block his number? If you don't like the peace and serenity you achieve with his number blocked, you can always call your provider back and request that the chaos be reinstated... but give it a couple days. No-one changes over night.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: New Englander in Michigan
Posts: 52
most of what he said in his message was all about him. ignore, ignore, ignore.
He will spin the words over and over and make is sound like love, look like love, even seem sweet, but in the end it all comes down to the one thing he thinks about above all else- himself.
A's are all the same- it's always all about them, even when they make it seem about "us" or a little bit about you. Ignore him.
He will spin the words over and over and make is sound like love, look like love, even seem sweet, but in the end it all comes down to the one thing he thinks about above all else- himself.
A's are all the same- it's always all about them, even when they make it seem about "us" or a little bit about you. Ignore him.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 430
I have been off verbal phone contact for 3 days with my husband, but we have been texting. Last night it got to be tooooooo much.
Today I haven't texted him at all. He has texted me. I just don't want to communicate with him and right now I don't even feel like telling him that I'm done texting him. I've just stopped because it's making me sick to keep interacting with him.
I pray to my Higher Power to help me through this period. I have to do something for myself immediately. I feel myself getting so physically and emotionally worn down which is especially bad for my health condition that worsens with stress. I matter more than he does right now I am not texting him back.
Today I haven't texted him at all. He has texted me. I just don't want to communicate with him and right now I don't even feel like telling him that I'm done texting him. I've just stopped because it's making me sick to keep interacting with him.
I pray to my Higher Power to help me through this period. I have to do something for myself immediately. I feel myself getting so physically and emotionally worn down which is especially bad for my health condition that worsens with stress. I matter more than he does right now I am not texting him back.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I remember I also had a hard and fast rule for myself that I would not return phone calls or texts for 24 hours. That gave me enough time to think about my response and whether I really wanted to respond at all. It also spaced out our converstations enough to lessen the stress and emotional intensity that would build up with constant unrelenting texting.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 167
Just like what my fellow members say: Ignore the words, pay attention to the actions! As an addict fresh in her recovery, I can finally see how manipulative we really are... My, my, my... I could have been the one who wrote this email... It is amazing... How good we are!!! They should pay us the big bucks to teach business at Harvard... Hehe... Anyway, Kudos to you to put up with so much. I have yet to make amends, true amends to the people whom I really hurt and yet these people still remain by my side today. Kudos to you and all of our loved ones, who, managed to find compassion where I, myself, was unable to find for myself!, Best, Sandrine
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Massachusetts (south shore)
Posts: 125
OMG! He is still texting...it's almost become comical and sad at the same time! It is ALWAYS about him. This is what the MASTER MANIPULATER texted me "not talking at all is the stupident thing I ever heard and not seeing no sense. I am done you are trying to mentally kill me. all about the money and hurting me again. I signed your papers and then boom you are acting like someone I don't know. I am crying like a baby. If you loved me you would not treat me this way...letting me be in this pain is the worst thing ever...and f*** with my head. If it were reversed I would have stopped by to see you but you won't do anything is that how you show you care even a little? You are going out of your way to hurt me...so what's the deal now...so now I can't call my wife? Yes, I am very upset crying again - you have caused me so much pain in the last few weeks you are catching up never should have signed those papers. You have no compassion in your life...because you have none at least not for me. I would never put you in and keep you in this kind of pain".
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Yuk. Gets to be really annoying. Glad you can see it for what it is - an addict doing what addicts do. It's not personal. Have you called your carrier and looked into blocking them yet? Even if you CHOOSE to keep receiving them, at least you will have full understanding of your options.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Anytown
Posts: 59
I was seriously considering changing my phone numbers (landline and cell) for this reason. My ex-AH's access to telephones has now been lessened, so it has finally quietened down. Enjoying it, because who knows how long the peace will last.
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