bigbrosKeeper

I posted back in December, about my crack addicted older brother. He had gone on a binge to the tune of $1000 (Not his money), wound up going to the ER, then a detox for a week. He tried for a short time after the detox for a residential program, but wound up in an intensive outpatient program instead. I let him stay with us (my husband, my father and myself), with the condition that he kept up with the IOP, meetings, etc.

He did for a while - he completed the IOP, and was going to meetings - but about 3 weeks ago, I noticed behavior changes again, and he started "meeting his friend" for "coffee" late at night, every night. Supposedly, the friend was from NA and he was going to ask "John" to be his sponsor. One night about 2 weeks ago he couldn't find his car keys, and I went in his room to help him look, and in the middle of the floor was an open box with 2 crack pipes and some brillo. I got really upset, and of course he swore it was there for a while (it wasn't, I have been in his room almost daily to let the various cats out that he winds up locking in there when he leaves the house), he then picked up the box and threw it away.

I didn't buy it, and started questioning him. The next day he admitted to a "small relapse", but he was handling it and "John" was helping him. Something didn't seem right... especially when I told him that it really wasn't cool him leaving the house and/or coming home in the middle of the night. My husband gets up for work early, this is a small house, and it wakes us both up. He first said no problem. The next night, he woke me up at 2:30 am saying his friend had put his car in a ditch on his way home from work, and he needed to go pick him up, he even handed me the phone and let me talk to "John".

I told him to go, but that from then on, I didn't care who was stuck where, that the only reason he was leaving the house in the middle of the night again is if it was on fire (especially after intentionally waking me up!). The next night, he came home from work and a "meeting", swore he was in for the night, and went to bed.

A few hours later, about 2:30 again, I heard a noise and went downstairs to investigate. I found my front door wide open, the screen door propped open, and saw cat paw prints on the porch in the snow (my cats are inside cats), and my brother was on the other side of the house in the kitchen. I went nuts - I started screaming at him, I was in a panic till I did a head count of all the cats (yes, I have 7, I do rescue). After everyone was accounted for, I laid in to my brother as to what the F___ he was doing propping open the door at 2:30am. He gave me a bs story - and I knew not to believe it.

In the morning after he went to work, I noticed the box that he had thrown in the trash had been removed from the can in his room, and one crack pipe and the brillo was missing. when he got home that night, I told him he had to give me his phone, and submit to a cursory search (not going to strip search my brother) in order to stay the night, and that he needed to enter a program. I told him he needed to start looking first thing in the morning, and my husband laid down the law that if he didn't get a program within a week, he either needed to check back in to the hospital through the ER or leave our home. I was to have his phone from the time he got home from work till the next morning, and that he would not be allowed to leave the house at night unless he planned on never coming back.

The first night with his phone, I got nosey, and checked his call log. I found that "John" was his dealer (I recognized the number from the binge he went on). I also saw that he had "John" come to my house at 2:30 in the morning to make a delivery (the night the doors were left open). I told him he needed to find another place to stay, that I was done. My husband is backing me 100% - he has put up with a lot, and stayed out of it, but he sees what this is doing to me. My father, on the other hand, thinks I am "throwing him to the wolves" by putting him out. Tonight is the first night of his banishment from my home, and I am heartsick. I keep watching the weather report and seeing how cold it's going to be. I know he has no money, and he refuses to go to the emergency room to be admitted as he swears he just needs to be working for a while (which he has been, but he has been using since he started this job I figured out, hence the no money). He took a blanket and a pillow, and my mother gave him another blanket as he said he's going to sleep in his car.

My dad is doing his best to make me feel like crap for putting my brother out - but I have decided that I can't live like this anymore, no matter how worried I am about my brother, he is the one making the choice to use, not me. Though to hear him talk, it's my fault.. I know better, but it still hurts.

I have had so little time lately, not just because of this situation, but daily life has been extremely busy and stressful. Thank God for my husband, he is my rock and has been here for me no matter what. He and I are both very sober people, we both dabled with drugs when we were younger but neither of us ever "took" to them, and put them down along with most "childish" things (if you know what I mean, it was part of our youth, we're in our 40s and 50s now, neither of us has used or wanted to in many many years), neither of us drinks either - not for any other reason than we don't like the taste - we're pretty boring folks, lol.

Thank you for letting me vent, yet again.

Tetrachromat

I can't think of anything to say that isn't a helpless cliche.
I am sorry you have to go through this. Addiction isn't fair.
Be strong, he won't help himself if he doesn't go through some of the suffering that you have been dealing with. I hope you find peace, and your brother understands how important treatment is. Hopefully his will to survive will trump his will to use, and he won't have to spend any more nights in the snow.

Natsy

I'm sorry. You did what you needed to do to protect yourself.
I had a similar situation...after my sister and I moved out, my parents were living in a huge house that they couldn't upkeep anymore. My heroin addict brother was living in the basement. He was stealing from them and shooting heroin in the house. They decided to sell the house. My mom was sick worrying about where my brother was going to live. To help my parents, my husband and I had them move in, but we had one condition. My brother could not come. For weeks, I was sick worrying about him. I pictured him dead. I pictured him wandering the streets. I pictured him lonely. Weeks went by. One day, I heard a loud knock on the door. I opened the door to police officers rushing inside my house. As the story goes, my brother was seen sneaking into the back part of my house through a window. My neighbor called the police thinking it was a robber. He was sleeping at my house for weeks. When I had the police remove him, he ended up sleeping at his dealers house. I guess the point to that story....they always know somewhere to go. They have friends we don't know about. If he's in the car sleeping, he will survive. They always figure out their ways.

Good luck. He will be ok and you will be ok. I know it's hard. My brother is in jail right now and I am happy he is clean. I haven't spoken to him in months and I am sick over it. My brother has always been special to me. I would do anything for him. You sound the same. Stay strong. You are lucky to have a wonderful husband.

Hanna

It's okay. You are doing the right thing. Your Dad is wrong. Did you give your brother a list of shelters with address and phone number?

Hanna

I posted that quickly because I didn't have time to say more just then.

Also want you to know that I share your experience- my Big Brother is the reason I found SR.

You might find some hope in reading my past threads. I've been in your shoes and survived it. The night my brother went to a shelter was perhaps my worst. It is not as bad as you think at the time though.

My brother is clean today and happy, too. Living his life on life's terms. There is hope.

Peace and prayers for your family,
Hanna