LoveMeNow

Many questions are always asked about helping the addict. IMO, maybe its time to flip the coin and face the mirror! Is there help for the codependent in denial who has a sense of entitlement and feels terminally unique before they hit their bottom?

I know I was in denial and felt terminally unique. However, I do not believe I felt an entitlement. Well, maybe within my marriage I did. Fortunately, Bwhen I joined SR, I was at my bottom and wanted help.

I didn't like the responses. Certain posters made me mad, lol and made me anxious. But over time, I knew they were right. They new their stuff and they knew me.

I am glad I stuck around, opened my mind, and was willing to learn from those who walked before me and continued to take the time to hold the light to a new way, a new path. Thank you!!

So do you think a Codie must hit a rock bottom before they want help and start facing their denial, entitlement, and feeling of being terminally unique?

Lily1918

oh yes. and our bottoms are all different, depending on our value systems.

shinebright7

I feel like I hit my bottom and that's what brought me to my first open AA meeting 2 weeks ago that I cried all the way through. I was panicked about what it meant that my husband was now on a bender mixing klonopin and alcohol. It was awful hearing him over the phone and hearing the mess he was. Frightening.

Then I tried finding some other recovery boards and eventaully got to this one that was a Godsend. I read the STICKIES in this section over the weekend and then freaked myself out realizing what a codependent sickie I was. It really did make me sick to realize it. I laughed about it too, and felt humbled. It was a mixed bag, but definitely a wake up call.

We codependents are in our own sickness...and like the addict, from my experience, I had to feel like it was my limit of how much I could tolerate before I took myself to a meeting which then led to Al Anon.

When the stuff with my husband first started unfolding, I did not believe the signs, and I didn't know anything of addiction yet to know how serious the situation was. I did think about going to Al Anon, but becuase I didn't know better and I just kinda thought it would go away, I didn't.

Until I NEEDED TO and I got desperate. Then I went.

lightseeker

LMN,

I'm so glad that you have brought this up. I definitely believe that we too, have to hit our own bottoms. People that don't need this don't post in places like this. Unfortunately, a lot of people that post here don't seen to understand yet that they are not unique...nor are their situations.

When you got here, you were ready. You opened your mind to see where there might be wisdom and truth in what you were hearing. Some people come here ready for their own recovery and then some people come here wanting support for their decisions to stay in addictive relationships. They will do whatever it takes to defend their decisions and choices,

It's hard to sit back and watch someone that is on a binge... And I mean a Codie binge! But as in AA where they encourage people to go back out and see how it works for them we have to do the same with people that question whether they have a problem. You don't see members of AA trying to talk someone into recognizing they have a problem....and they don't gather around and worry over you. I'm codie enought that it's hard to watch people that are determined that they are in successful relationships with functional addicts. If its going so well what are they doing here? I think it's because on some level they really don't believe that things are ok. There's that denial word!

I believe that addiction is addiction.... We are the same as an addict just turned inside out. I think that our addiction can be even harder to break.

They say that water seeks its own level....so it stands to reason that an addict that doesn't believe that they have too much of a problem (aka functional addict) is also with a partner that believes the same about themselves.

I have to remind myself that at least people are here and getting exposure to recovery on some level.

Your recovery is shining though!

Whatsit

I think so, LMN. Rock bottom may not be the same for any two people, but I know I had to get to a place in which I knew I was losing touch with reality, losing my very self, before I was willing to admit what I was doing was not working, and to go in a different direction.

laurie6781

ABSOLUTELY and POSITIVELY.

I hit my bottom with my alcoholism and many of you know what that was. Well on my 3rd Sober Anniversary when I should have been as 'happy as could be' and instead was in the doldrums and the 'poor poor me' about that husband of mine, my AA sponsor really shook me by I always say 'strongly suggesting' but it was much more than that, that I start Attending Alanon IMMEDIATELY and get myself an Alanon sponsor.

That was my codie bottom, I realized she was right and I sure needed to do more work on me. Had Beverly not 'snapped' me out of 'it' I might have gone on much longer, but she loved me enough to risk my friendship one more time, to help me to save me.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

supportforme

Absolutely for me. Not only did I have to hit rock bottom, I pratically had to get hit upside my head. I kept those rose colored glasses on for a long time. But, once they came off - the anwers were as clear as day...I just couldn't or wouldn't face them. thanks for posting.

Hanna

I think this is all part of the process and people have to go through it in their own way.

I also don't always understand the beating about the head and neck we do here, but also think that is part of the process as well. It's as it should be. Life on life's terms, right?

I guess what I am saying is "All is right in the world". Things are functioning as they are meant to function, even when we don't like it, both as newcomers and as people who've been there and survived.