blueholly

So my AH comes home last night at like 7:30. He never, ever, comes home this early. If at all. He tells me that he is "so sick" He is sure he has a fever. I have seen this before. Chills, body aches, flu symptoms. So I say "that is what happens when you stay up for 3 days. Not much response. So before I can say anything else, and start a fight, he is dead asleep sitting up on the couch. He did this once around christmas. slept for three days. Is this the "crash" that they talk about or, is he trying to get off of the stuff? or what? I do doubt that though, as he has been up for 3 days.

Anyway it just makes me furious! I think since finding this board I have found somewhat of a voice of my own. I just don't feel sorry for him. As a matter of fact, it disgust me. I don't want to even sleep in the same bed with him. Hence, leaving him on the couch. He did eventually come to bed and, it made me so mad I got up at 5 am. Cleaned house... I just don't care! I have a hard time accepting this as a disease. As he did this to him self.

You know you want to call me names when I tell him he needs rehab, "f'ing b***h" and, tell me about how I'm whining cuz he is treating me bad!? Well screw you buddy! I don't feel sorry for you any more. He has damaged this relationship, Maybe to the point it can't be fixed.... and won't go to counseling, ect....
Forget it... I hope he is gone when I get home....

And the worst part... the girls were so excited for him to be home and, he didn't even pay any mind to them. Just passed out on the couch. It makes me sick. It makes me sad for them. I can't stand him!!

Sorry for the early morning rant...
But thanks for your help

Yogagurl

Never let anyone ever make you feel like you have done something wrong by expressing yourself. Am marriage is supposed to be about communicating. I am guilty of this as well, but I'm slowly learning to voice my opinion. If my husband says he doesn't want to hear it, well, that's too damn bad. I have to hear him tell me he's sorry everyday, hear him say he doesn't have money to pay the bills, hear him lie, hear him out on his excuses for using, hear him complain about how tired he is, and the sh*# that I have to hear GOES ON AND ON.

As far as meth is concerned, I would look up the signs of use, dependence, and withdrawal. That may give you some insight to his behaviour. I wouldn't take his behaviour personal. He emotional well being has nothing to do with you. It's his spirit that he chooses to abuse everyday and he is taking it out on everyone around him. Plus, he is so involved with himself that he doesn't think about anyone else, spending time, etc. It's just HOW IT IS with addicts.

I hope that he is making the effort to stop using and that he finds a support system close by. Meth is a tough one. You take care of you and keep posting on here to vent. We have ALL gone through these motions.

Best,
YG

Kindeyes

Meth crash.........sleep for days, get up only to pee and eat. I've seen it so many times. And then....right back at it......up for days. Only to cycle through it again and again.

I can't imagine living life like that (my son is a meth addict currently in recovery). It's tough to watch but it must be hell to live too.

It's ok to be angry. Sometimes that anger is the catalyst that moves us toward making things better for ourselves (whatever that looks like for each individual). Just don't stay in that anger place too terribly long or it turns on you.

Rant when you need to. But I hope you'll do it here......ranting at the addict is like hitting yourself in the head with a brick. It accomplishes nothing.

gentle hugs
ke

AnvilheadII

your "home" is nothing more than a place to crash for him. a place to sleep it off, rest up and get ready for the next run. I will again caution you against confronting him, picking fights, or otherwise getting him riled up. it's not a safe place...around him. not for you or for those precious children.

I think you have some very tough choices to make and then follow thru. your best bet is to expect NOTHING good from him. after the 754th suggestion by you that he NEEDS rehab he isn't going to suddenly say, oh, ok, I get it here I go! save your breath. save yourself.

blueholly

Once again, You all are right. You are right anvilhead, (you kinda make me laugh to myself cuz you are so blatent I realize the house is just a place for him to crash. I have seen it before. I just didn't realize until recently that is what it is. And, then still questioned it till I heard from you and KE.
I told the kids not to wake daddy this morning. He was "sick" He is never in a good mood when he wakes from his zombie state. We just left quietly.
Thank you to Yogagirl. It's nice to know someone knows...
Thank you to Kindeyes, I have been thinking about the angry thing. I don't want to be one of those old ladys still riding the "bitter train!" I want to get this roller coaster of feelings that are not good, sad, unhappy, mad. I want to be happy for me and my kids. I want to get myself back...