nancylee

Oh, boy, my husband just found out that his godson has been taking oxycontin for years - he asked another family member who is an MD for a prescription 3 years ago, the doctor refused, thankfully. He was suspended from his good job for pot, but that is not his big problem. He has been abusing pain meds for years, and now just told my husband he is on 1 mg Xanax a day, and some other painkiller, not Oxy.

As someone who went to rehab for alcohol, I tell my husband to not believe a thing he tells him. My husband thinks he can help this 33 year old man, who acts like he is 18. We found out about all of this because the other day he was slurring, falling asleep and kept complaining about his sore throat. His family has known for years, and since my husband is his Godfather and loves him, he thinks he can help. I don't think so, as the guy shopped around for a doctor 50 miles away, has lied to everyone, all addict behaviors.

I told my husband that maybe they could look into an intervention and force the rehab issue, but I don't know much about this. I went to rehab 2 1/2 years ago for wine willingly, for 10 days, causing great pain and inconvenience to my family, but I knew I needed the space. I don't think this young man is there yet.

Please, any advice would be very helpful,
Nancy

Whatsit

Hi Nancy,

I know it is really hard to stand back and let people we love learn the hard way, but that's probably what you need to do. I know from watching my parents go through it with my brother that forcing rehab does not work.

We can't force anyone to detach, either. People do that when they've had enough.

jerect

It's really hard to see someone you care about self destruct with drugs Isn't it ?

An intervention may or may not work.. Chances are its just going to **** your godson off.. They have to be willing to change and want it really really bad to get and stay clean..

The only thing you can do is not enable him in anyway and maybe find help for yourselves in dealing with an addict... Rehab only works when the participant wants it to work not because we force them to go there..

If he's 33 and acts 18, chances are he's been using since he was 18.. A person generally has the maturity level of the age they started using.. So in essence your dealing with a teenager.. Fun isn't it ? :/

On a scary note, If he's abusing oxy which is an opiate and Zanex which is a benzo.. That is a dangerous and sometimes lethal combination.. There is nothing you can do about that of course but those two types of drugs don't mix very well together...

nancylee

Thanks for your response. Yes, I think pain mess started around 18, for a bad back. He just told my husband he is also,taking 350mgs of soma 4 times a day. He also has a heart issue, has for a long while, some kind of arrhythmia. He is on meds for his heart, and for high triglycerides, and hasn't been taking them. We are very worried he is going to die! And not in 5 years, maybe in 5 days! We feel very helpless.

Thnk you, again,
Nancy

shinebright7

Wow, really? Is that what a lot of people notice about their addicts?

I feel like this very often with my husband but never really made the connection between those two things -- and he did start using when he was mid teens and is now in his mid thirties.

Oh the levels of this addiction stuff.

Nancylee -- You sound like you know what you're talking about from your own experience. you know you can't push the godson into recovery and now you also have to see that you can't prevent your husband from thinking he can do something to help him.

Everyone is on their own path and we have to try to stay on ours too. Hang in there. Maybe you and/or your husband would find Al Anon helpful. xo

nancylee

Hi Shine,
Yes, I understand what is going on, but my poor husband doesn't. He is making all these arrangements and plans for our godson, but I know, I just know, he is lying and doing more than he is saying. I fear for my husband's heart, he is going to be heartbroken.

Whatsit

I agree with Shine about finding an al-anon group, even if your husband isn't ready for that yet. It will help you to navigate the situation.

sojourner

Hi NancyLee: Sorry you have to be here, but you really are at a good website.

You are getting a lot of good advice. I ditto the Al-Anon attendance for you whether your husband goes or not. You do have to start thinking about boundaries within your own home as regards to the decisions your husband is right now making about how much to help his godson. If your husband does not think you would agree, he might start giving the addict money behind your back or help fund rent for an apartment or pay for his cell phone (you get my drift here). Or he might let this addict use your car. Or your husband might show up with the godson on your doorstep telling you that you all have a house guest for a while (overnight or whatever). Maybe your husband will not be that severe, but now is the time to think about all that. But it is common for an enabler to get so involved with the addict that they cannot see the forest for the trees.

This is where Al-Anon can help tremendously. It gives you a forum to voice these things and come to some kind of conclusion in a safe environment.

Keep coming back!!

nancylee

Thank you, all. I didn't like AA for me, but I a willing to check out Al Anon. I see him getting overly involved already.
Nancy