question for those of you who have been around the block...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
question for those of you who have been around the block...
Here is my dilemma...
I enjoy my meetings, for the most part. My issue is I always go on the same days and it has become a habit. well, there have been a few times where I make it through almost the whole day not really thinking about him, or if I do I come on here until he "craving" has passed, and then I am fine, but then when I go to a meeting and stand an entire hour talking about addiction and listening to tearful newbies cry about not getting a phone call for six hours etc etc I walk away from it reeling with thought of him and what he is doing and how his meetings went etc.
on the otherhand, if I am having an obsessive day I find the meetings very helpful to let go. Has anyone else experienced this? does recovery ever mean less Nar Anon meetings? Can they be on an as needed basis? I want to reiterate that I love Nar Anon, but on the days where it has been all about me and then I look at the clock and see its time for a meeting, sometimes afterwards it gets me thinking about him.
I have no intention of quitting the program, but just confused.
I enjoy my meetings, for the most part. My issue is I always go on the same days and it has become a habit. well, there have been a few times where I make it through almost the whole day not really thinking about him, or if I do I come on here until he "craving" has passed, and then I am fine, but then when I go to a meeting and stand an entire hour talking about addiction and listening to tearful newbies cry about not getting a phone call for six hours etc etc I walk away from it reeling with thought of him and what he is doing and how his meetings went etc.
on the otherhand, if I am having an obsessive day I find the meetings very helpful to let go. Has anyone else experienced this? does recovery ever mean less Nar Anon meetings? Can they be on an as needed basis? I want to reiterate that I love Nar Anon, but on the days where it has been all about me and then I look at the clock and see its time for a meeting, sometimes afterwards it gets me thinking about him.
I have no intention of quitting the program, but just confused.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Yep it can and does happen.
One of the quickest solutions is to find a sponsor and start working the steps. The
steps will help tremendously to break that thought process.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
One of the quickest solutions is to find a sponsor and start working the steps. The
steps will help tremendously to break that thought process.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
Something that helped me too especially when I was married to my addict was to find several different meetings to attend so that I wasn't around the same people all the time.. I found that different groups had different levels of recovery.. All recovery is good but some groups were more positive then others...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 430
I am new to all this, but I definitely need the variety of meetings. I need different locations, different people, different vibes, different ways the meetings are run and thankfully I live in an area where there are meetings all over the place so I have a lot to choose from.
I also even in my only 2 weeks of going to meetings have had to take a few days off because I just needed to do something different.
I agree with Laurie though -- I just started working Step 1 from the Paths to Recovery Al Anon book this weekend and it really did help me shift something in terms of my purpose with the meetings. Shifted a lot of things, but having the focus on the program instead of just showing up at a meeting to listen to others shaped the way I attend my meetings because I"m more focused on myself now and how I can benefit and grow.
I also even in my only 2 weeks of going to meetings have had to take a few days off because I just needed to do something different.
I agree with Laurie though -- I just started working Step 1 from the Paths to Recovery Al Anon book this weekend and it really did help me shift something in terms of my purpose with the meetings. Shifted a lot of things, but having the focus on the program instead of just showing up at a meeting to listen to others shaped the way I attend my meetings because I"m more focused on myself now and how I can benefit and grow.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SouthEast
Posts: 159
There are times when I just don't want to be reminded of my 34yo's not very responsible behavior.
Sometimes, it's when I have reached a place of peace. Sometimes, like now, it's when I have other responsible family members with medical problems.
I have no way of contacting him and two close family members have serious medical problems. It really irks me!!
I find telling my 'story' sometimes gets me more worried than if I just meditate and try to disconnect. I have been in this 'drug abuse dance' first with my EXAH and now with my AS. I'm ready to get off the dance floor!!!
The more I disconnect and turn it over to a higher power the less i get from a meeting. I try to be helpful to the newbies, but sometimes, like you described, it just is too painful for me.
(((huggs)))
Sometimes, it's when I have reached a place of peace. Sometimes, like now, it's when I have other responsible family members with medical problems.
I have no way of contacting him and two close family members have serious medical problems. It really irks me!!
I find telling my 'story' sometimes gets me more worried than if I just meditate and try to disconnect. I have been in this 'drug abuse dance' first with my EXAH and now with my AS. I'm ready to get off the dance floor!!!
The more I disconnect and turn it over to a higher power the less i get from a meeting. I try to be helpful to the newbies, but sometimes, like you described, it just is too painful for me.
(((huggs)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by jerect 
Something that helped me too especially when I was married to my addict was to find several different meetings to attend so that I wasn't around the same people all the time.. I found that different groups had different levels of recovery.. All recovery is good but some groups were more positive then others...
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
We don't have very many Naranon meetings in my area but the few I have been to seemed very focused on the addict. However, alanon seemed to be more focused on the recovery of the family member attending. I like both but find alanon to be a better fit for me. This is just my experience with the meetings in my area.
I agree though, every group has their own personality and levels are recovery.
I agree though, every group has their own personality and levels are recovery.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 120
Wow! Lily thank you for being brutally honest! That is a real and necessary part of recovery! (Imo)! And the response to your question Right On! (Imo)! You got some real good information and some possible solutions! Don't ya just love these folks! 
Everyone that shared their experience, shared some real recovery strength! I can tell you my experirnce with meetings here in my area and that we only have a few nar anon meetings where I went once and 3 ladies shared for 2 hours their "stories". There was no books, no step talk or any other sense of "meeting" orderor affiliationnof naranon. It was like having coffe at a restruant and chit chatting about the addict. Needless to say I never went back. I go to alanon and have been for several years. I visited several meetings and still do. There are a couple meetings that are "stronger" than others. I think the levell of commitment to their recovery comes across in the meetings tone and direction.
My sponsor once told me she did not care to go to a paticular meeting any longer because it was a "sick" meeting! I thought that was weird at first, what she ment was there were people that were in there that were stuck. Stuck in the fact that they went to meetings week after week year after year with no growth or change in them self. I sometimes would leave that meeting confused and more angry or frustrated when I went in.. I got what my sponsor said. For me it was not a real healthy meeting. Not judging people but just was not a meeting I got any recovery out of, in fact it was harmful to me. Sad but true. I never went back to that meeting, but instead visited other ones I love.
Like others said working steps and a sponsor are key....
Everyone that shared their experience, shared some real recovery strength! I can tell you my experirnce with meetings here in my area and that we only have a few nar anon meetings where I went once and 3 ladies shared for 2 hours their "stories". There was no books, no step talk or any other sense of "meeting" orderor affiliationnof naranon. It was like having coffe at a restruant and chit chatting about the addict. Needless to say I never went back. I go to alanon and have been for several years. I visited several meetings and still do. There are a couple meetings that are "stronger" than others. I think the levell of commitment to their recovery comes across in the meetings tone and direction.
My sponsor once told me she did not care to go to a paticular meeting any longer because it was a "sick" meeting! I thought that was weird at first, what she ment was there were people that were in there that were stuck. Stuck in the fact that they went to meetings week after week year after year with no growth or change in them self. I sometimes would leave that meeting confused and more angry or frustrated when I went in.. I got what my sponsor said. For me it was not a real healthy meeting. Not judging people but just was not a meeting I got any recovery out of, in fact it was harmful to me. Sad but true. I never went back to that meeting, but instead visited other ones I love.
Like others said working steps and a sponsor are key....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 65
"My sponsor once told me she did not care to go to a paticular meeting any longer because it was a "sick" meeting!"
I was told that my first week. In fact the group of guys that started taking me around brought me to one to show me exactly what they meant. When I go to meetings I look for the people who have what I want. But, we are also not all sick on the same day, and the ones that are can be the best reminder of why we don't want to go back to that place.
The meetings are the relief, the recovery is in the steps.
I was told that my first week. In fact the group of guys that started taking me around brought me to one to show me exactly what they meant. When I go to meetings I look for the people who have what I want. But, we are also not all sick on the same day, and the ones that are can be the best reminder of why we don't want to go back to that place.
The meetings are the relief, the recovery is in the steps.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Meetings are interesting. But working the steps in a small Soup Group is what really helped me......working the steps was, at times, a very painful process but getting through all 12 of them was a necessary part of my growth. The meetings are now for maintenance for me.
When I first started going to Nar-Anon.....the meeting was not fulfilling my needs......but I kept going back. I became involved......not just attending the meeting but attending the business meeting. I found that others felt the same way as I did....the meeting wasn't "healthy". So I (along with others) began to change the dynamic of the meeting and today, it is a healthy meeting. The people who stayed for the business meetings are the ones who redirected that meeting. We always encourage everyone to attend the business meetings....then they get to participate and have a voice in how the meeting is run!
Every meeting isn't a good one--even for a good healthy meeting--it isn't always a great meeting on any given evening. We can't bat 1000. Sometimes we get someone in there who takes it to an unhealthy place (often this is a newcomer) but we have enough people with good solid recovery to bring it back around. But it takes people with good solid recovery to keep a meeting healthy. It takes getting involved. That's the service component of the 12 steps.
Does recovery mean fewer meetings? I guess that depends on the individual. I will keep going until I feel that I have little to contribute. But right now, I understand that it takes a group of people who have been through the steps and who understand the traditions and concepts to keep a meeting healthy. If a meeting is only full of new people, it will most likely remain unhealthy.
There have been some amazing people (in my meetings and here in SR) who have helped me through some really, really tough times. Now I freely give what was freely given to me. (Not to mention that I learn something new or see things in a different light all the time.....it continues to be a process......progress not perfection).
gentle hugs
ke
When I first started going to Nar-Anon.....the meeting was not fulfilling my needs......but I kept going back. I became involved......not just attending the meeting but attending the business meeting. I found that others felt the same way as I did....the meeting wasn't "healthy". So I (along with others) began to change the dynamic of the meeting and today, it is a healthy meeting. The people who stayed for the business meetings are the ones who redirected that meeting. We always encourage everyone to attend the business meetings....then they get to participate and have a voice in how the meeting is run!
Every meeting isn't a good one--even for a good healthy meeting--it isn't always a great meeting on any given evening. We can't bat 1000. Sometimes we get someone in there who takes it to an unhealthy place (often this is a newcomer) but we have enough people with good solid recovery to bring it back around. But it takes people with good solid recovery to keep a meeting healthy. It takes getting involved. That's the service component of the 12 steps.
Does recovery mean fewer meetings? I guess that depends on the individual. I will keep going until I feel that I have little to contribute. But right now, I understand that it takes a group of people who have been through the steps and who understand the traditions and concepts to keep a meeting healthy. If a meeting is only full of new people, it will most likely remain unhealthy.
There have been some amazing people (in my meetings and here in SR) who have helped me through some really, really tough times. Now I freely give what was freely given to me. (Not to mention that I learn something new or see things in a different light all the time.....it continues to be a process......progress not perfection).
gentle hugs
ke
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