Pot, crack, lies addict insight
 

I have posted before regarding my AH....
In January he went on a huge binge for 3 days, work for a few days then another binge etc etc.
He won't talk about if he will be moving out or not. Every time I ask him what his plans are he says I'm interrogating him.
He just returned from two weeks away at work. I told him that I would not live with someone in active addiction. Again he got mad.
From the start of our relationship 4 years ago I told him no drugs were acceptable. A friend of his told him that when he felt he was spiralling downward to smoke pot. This would avoid a crack bender.
I have known him to smoke pot a handful of times but of course being the Codie I am thought this was better than a crack bender.
Tonight I asked him if he was going to get our holiday trailer and move.
He said that I didn't want to live with an active addict - my fault right? For not wanting to be with someone who goes to the store and doesn't come home for three days and has spent all of the money
My questions are.....
If you are an addict pot is not ok is it? Just the same as alcohol?
Why is it usually the non addicted person that needs to make the moving out decision?
Just needed some validation and clarification please.
More likely confirmation I am being bamboozled with b$lls@it!
Thanks.

I personally do not like pot because it gives me what I call glimmers of halucinogens I have done in the past. I can say that I will not take halucinogens again because they really really really scared me.
I do not believe that "only smoking pot" equals recovery. In my life and experience, smoking pot has not led me back to "harder" drugs. However, it prevents me from living a sober lifestyle if that makes sense.
I commend you for having the boundary of no drugs. period. I choose to have the same. I do not believe that a person can be in recovery and smoke pot at the same time.
thank you for your post. Im sorry for your situation.
I admire you for sticking to your guns.

I had a very recent relapse on pot after an extended period of time of sobriety, and I do not want to ever go there again. I realize now that it is a real drug and it is psychologically addictive. I believe that its mainstream acceptance of being "just pot" makes it even more dangerous in different ways than the "more real" drugs. It is real. addiction to it is real. The danger of it is real. It devoured my teen years. I hope that people wiser than me come along soon to share thier perspectives, but this is mine as a person who has struggled with this fierce dragon that so many times successfully disguises itself as a harmless lizard. hugs to you and prayers too.

For him I don't think smoking pot avoids him doing crack. I think it's a gateway drug for him :(

IMHO a drug is a drug. Switching from crack to pot.....alcohol to pot......crack to alcohol......is like switching seats on the Titanic.

Because the addict wants to maintain status quo. They want to use. Changes interrupt their addiction and they don't want anything to come between them and their DOC. They want their codependent to keep dancing the dance of addiction with them because if the codependent leaves the dance floor.......they are dancing alone and their addiction becomes obvious.

We all get bamboozled by the addict. They are really good at it. Ad they are really good at making us think that we're the one with a problem......and in a way......we do have a problem. We're easily bamboozled because we WANT to believe them more than anything.

gentle hugs
ke

trust me, POT is not going to stave off the craving for crack.

regardless, you stated FOUR YEARS AGO you would not live with an active addict. which i will take to also mean or active drug user of any kind. doesn't matter what he's using, he's using. you have a boundary about this.

YOUR boundary is for YOU to uphold. your life, your decisions.

KLM,
Your story is very familiar. It sounds like me. My AH answer to quitting meth was to bring home a GIANT bag of weed. I thought fine. If this gets him through. Guess what it didn't. He just smokes that when he is crashing and he HAS to sleep. He doesn't come home for a week at a time. On 5 different occasions that i can think of, I also told him to move out to the camper. Then he roles in the back door after being gone for 4 days and is like "hi honey, i'm home" Like we never had the conversation. Unfortunately we have 3 children at home and i feel like at this point I am being FORCED to move out just to save us. I am in the process of planning this. Although I don't want to live in that house regardless.... I don't know what is "hidden" I have found plenty before. He is just more sneaky now. Good luck. stick to your guns. I know that is easier said than done...trust me...

kindeyes
 

You said it perfectly. I know he doesn't want me to leave.... Then everyone would know... You are so insightful!

I agree with the above statements so I cant give too much more input.

I use to be an avid pot smoker. Every day.
I work a corporate job so 9-5 not using, but at 5 I was smoking my blunt, or bowl, or joint. Whatever.

Im 30y and I stopped herb for the first time in 16 years. It is wild.

The last time I quit drinking all I did was smoke lots and lots of weed. Thats all I did.
My Doctor told me to quit smoking too. I cant say it has hindered my alcoholism, but I did quit.
I am not a firm believer that marijuana is addictive. Reason being is I do not crave it like I crave alcohol.
My goal is to just stay away from everything. No more anything. I think my dr was right in saying just "cut all the crap out".

I admit I got sucked into the belief that if he smoked pot he wouldn't do crack
I used to go to NA meetings with him
And smoking pot was not ok. Drinking. Not ok according to NA
I really need to believe he just wants to do drugs in general. Because that's what he's telling me in a roundabout way

When I quit heroin I started smoking pot so that I could "stay away from heroin". All I ended up doing was smoking everyday because I didn't want to be sober but I didn't want to go back to shooting heroin. Sure it keep me off my DOC, but it continued the active addict lifestyle of always trying to be high and not be sober.

Someone who is trying to achieve full recovery and is serious about being sober wouldn't use any mind altering substances. Being sober isn't getting high and altering reality. So while pot might be "just pot" to many addicts who did the "harder" drugs, it still isn't recovery and the chase for a high just continues.

Stick to your boundry, you are seeing first hand what chaos ensues from being with an active addict. Unfortunately, chance are he won't leave the house. He wants to keep things how they are, and chance are he doesn't believe that you will leave. Addicts tend to think that we are all talk and count on us loving them too much to walk away. The best thing you can do for yourself is cut your losses and get out of there and start new. I know it is alot easier said than done, but it might be the only way to get out of this mess.

So very true.

Bam! Here it is again -- this clarity of "just do it" that makes so much sense from outside of the disease of codependency.

From inside it's like NOOOOOO! I can't do it!

But from outside it's like DUH.

Thank you.

I wonder what the odds are once the addict leaves their home they straighten out without their Codie? My AH says he can take or leave crack. He does go to work etc etc. so maybe he will be better off on his own.
Thoughts?

KLM, More likely confirmation I am being bamboozled with b$lls@it! FANTASTIC you're probably right. :egypt:

Since you asked...

IMO, you will be better off without him, and that is your first priority.

I have heard that there are a lot of high-functioning meth, coke and crack addicts who are highly successful in their careers. He probably really believes he can take it or leave it. Most of them are socially dysfunctional and fairly sociopathic, and very rarely care about how their behavior affects the people who love them.

Please take care of yourself.

The non-addicted person is the one that wants change. If you want change, you must make it happen.

He likes things as they are, why would be want to move?

His brain is overcome with drugs. Drugs turn our loved ones into Zombies. That zombie has no interest in anything but feeding more drugs into the body so it can continue to exist.

You are not on drugs and do have the use of your brain and the ability to change. Yes, it is extremely hard, but you have your wits about you in a way that he does not today.

When the situation becomes to much to bear, you will find a way to change it.

He has been clean 3 weeks now and is back to the man I love
This is the hard part...... When he's being a jackass coming down etc its easy to want him to leave. When he's being the old him the heart kicks in and overrides the head :(

KLM This is exactly the place I found myself in recently. I recognized that it was the making up, being loving, putting pieces back together so we can move forward time period...

But where was it leading!?

Undoubtedly to another binge at some point. To more lies. To more sneaking around behind my back. To more of me feeling insane. To more of me worrying about him. To more of me trying to control him and getting so disappointed when he didn't change. To more of me feeling betrayed and bawling my eyes out and making myself physically sick with rage.

Whether or not he is using right now, he's an ACTIVE ADDICT.

This is a term I just learned a few days ago here in SR. He's recently used and he is not in recovery.

I had been wondering what this meant that the cat is out of the bag that he's an addict and I'm going to Al Anon, but we were "post binge" and he's back to his regular self and we're making up.

Well, what it means is NOT MUCH in terms of hope!

He's STILL an addict, even though he's not using in this moment.

(Someone is STILL a smoker even when they don't have a cigarette in their hand.)

So as an addict, my husband will eventually pick up another drug or drink. Just as the smoker will eventually light up another cigarette if they are not trying to quit or getting help to quit.

Smokers smoke and addicts and alcoholics use. And sometimes they go periods of time in between cigarettes, drinks, and drugs.

It's the "alcoholic mind" they talk about in the AA Big Book

So I totally relate to where you are right now. It all hit the fan and now it's calming down. But if he has an "alcoholic mind" like my husband, it will just be a matter of time before he uses again and sends you into another emotional tailspin with his sickness making you sicker. Not fun to hear, but based on my experience, true.

Forget about what's better for him.

Maybe YOU will be better off on your own. :)

A. you tell him you won't live with someone who is using
B. he uses
c. he tells you he can take it or leave it
D. see "A."
E. what does that tell you about his priorities?