Natsy

He spends more time trying to get off these pills than trying to get them. He spends all his time trying to get off them. He spends most of his time coming up with plans. He spends most of his time in bed out of reach and ignoring house situations because he is detoxing and trying to get off the pills.

Why can't I support him? I do support him. I just don't know what to do. He has a therapist. Yay! He doesn't attend group meetings. He doesn't get out of bed. You cant lay in bed all day and think your urges will go away. You need help! You need to go to the gym and work through these feelings. You need to pick yourself up and take a shower. You need to retrain your thoughts.

I feel nuts. I feel crazy saying that I'm upset because my husband is trying to get off drugs. How crazy does that sound?

I know he's preoccupied with his thoughts of trying to get his life back together. I know that! I want to support you, but I hate that you've been trying to get off pills for 3 years now. Is this really the last time? Is it really going to happen this time? If so, I can be supportive. If so, I will,do whatever you want me to do. I hate this

Hanna

Is there anything different now than all the other times?

I think the kind of support an addict needs is not really anything family can provide. I say this as a woman that dropped everything in my own life and went to live with my brother several states away when he was in crisis. I supported him and he will tell you I'm alot of the reason he made it. But my support did not actually get him clean and we both know it.

His higher power, God, did that part after he finally asked.

What an addict asks when they are in addiction is not really what they need.

I often feel like the best thing we can do for an addicted loved one is minimize the damage they can do to us. The rest is on them.

LoveMeNow

Since December, I too have watched the use/detox cycle. Although, I knew better (its not my problem and I will not enable active addiction) I got sucked in more then I care to admit but not as much I used too. So that was progress for me!

It's very hard to step back especially when we are still in the same house as them. My husband resented when I refused to enable him. He used all the tried and true tactics that have always worked. When all else failed, he even tried to start defining my role as His wife! Uhmmm...are you kidding me?

Trying to get out as much as possible, staying happy, and continuing to focus on me....we're very helpful. I know he didn't like it but it truly was best for both of us. He wanted his codependent enabler to "help" him and I refused!

P.S. the serenity prayer really worked for me too. I had to say it many times to find my balance. I would even write it down over and over until it sunk in and I felt peace.

AnvilheadII

sounds like this is his pattern of using......rather than a true attempt to quit and stay quit. get money, go on a binge, run out of money, crash, and rest up for the next run. lather rinse repeat and here we are THREE years later, same sh*t, different year.

ultimately it's not for YOU to decide what he does, only to decide what you are going to do for you based on the decisions he makes and the actions he does or does not take.