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"I'm sorry you feel that I'm not being supportive"

Old 03-03-2013, 10:21 AM
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"I'm sorry you feel that I'm not being supportive"

I am sick of hearing
" YOU NEVER SUPPORT ME"
" I WAS HONEST WITH YOU AND NOW YOU'RE USING IT AGAINST ME"
"YOU KEEP BRINGING IT UP AND FILIING MY HEAD"
"today is my first day not taking anything"

WHILE I WOULD LOVE TO BE SUPPORTIVE, YOU'RE IDEA OF SUPPORT IS FAR DIFFERENT THAN MY IDEA OF SUPPORT. I BRING IT UP BECAUSE JUST LIKE YOU, I SPEND MOST OF MY DAY THINKING ABOUT YOU, YOUR ADDICTION, YOUR LIFE, YOUR FUTURE, AND WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO MAKE IT HAPPEN. NOT TO MENTION, WE HAVE A CHILD AND I NEED TO BE A MOTHER....A GOOD MOTHER!

WHY DON'T I SUPPORT YOU? 3 YEARS AGO, YOU CAME TO ME ON NEW YEARS EVE WHILE I WAS SHOWERING AND GETTING THE HOUSE IN ORDER FOR OUR PARENTS TO COME AND SPEND NEW YEARS EVE WITH THEIR NEW GRANDDAUGHTER. YOU WERE CRYING HYSTERICALLY AND SAID "I'VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE IN LIFE AND I NEED TO FIX IT". I did what any wife would do. I jumped out of the shower and held you in my arms and begged for you to tell me what was wrong. When you told me you spent every last dime of our savings and that you owed people money and that you were an ADDICT, what did I do? I didn't cry! I took a deep breath and I said "tomorrow is a new day." I asked you if you wanted to pick up the pieces. I asked if you felt strong enough. YOU WERE SO POSITIVE THAT TOMORROW WAS A NEW DAY.

3 years later, here we are again. You've spent hard earned money. You have no friends. You don't go out or go out with me. You might play with our child, but you don't play an active roll in her daily routines. You don't ask her how school was or what she learned. You don't try to teach her anything. I'm the mom and the dad. OH YEAH! NOT TO MENTION, WHEN ANYTHING BREAKS IN THE HOUSE, THANK GOD FOR YOUTUBE BECAUSE I AM NOW A PLUMBER, AN ELECTRICIAN, A PAINTER, A CHEF, AND A MILLION OTHER THINGS.

WHEN YOU COME HOME FROM WORK, INSTEAD OF SAYING "THE HOUSE IS A MESS, WHAT DID YOU DO ALL DAY?" Maybe you should think first! Starting at 8 am, I'm bathing a child, teaching her, driving her to school, volunteering at school, trying to deal with bills and other house or property issues, doing laundry, helping our little girl take a nap, cleaning, trying to work, picking up after her, and the list goes on and on and on. OH YEAH! I SURVIVE ON ABOUT 4-5 HOURS OF SLEEP A NIGHT! WHEN THE WEEKENDS COME, I WORK FRIDAY-SUNDAY AND JAM ABOUT 30 HOURS IN 3 DAYS. I. DO. NOT. GET. A. BREAK.

NEXT TIME YOU ASK ME WHY I DON'T SUPPORT YOU, think about the damage you have done to me. I'm exhausted by your lies and you always saying "I'm not on anything?" You've only once told me you were on something. BY THE WAY....I'VE LEARNED WHEN YOU ARE AND ARE NOT ON SOMETHING SO I KNOW WHEN YOU ARE LIEING! I'm sick of you doing your every weekend detoxes only to be back on pills on Monday morning. I'VE SEEN YOU DEAD. I'VE SEEN YOU HOOKED UP TO MACHINES. I'VE SEEN YOU PASSED OUT IN THE KITCHEN WITH A POT ON THE STOVE.

I HAVE SEEN YOU WASTE YOUR LIFE AWAY ON PILLS.

"WHAT'S DID YOU SAY?" "OH! They are prescribed? Well does that make it ok? Last time I checked, doctors and drug makers were making millions at turning people into addicts. Last time I checked, these medications are boosting jobs. Now we have doctor made addicts who need doctor prescribed help to get off these drugs. I don't give a **** that they're prescribed. You can't have sex. You can't be a good husband. You can't be a good father." If you like this life. Than live it. I'm not doing it anymore.
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Old 03-03-2013, 10:29 AM
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Wow!!!!!!

Sounds as if it's time to let this guy go. He will change when HE is ready. Period.....

It sounds as though you are strong enough to make that move in your life.
You are very courageous

We can only put up with so many lies, broken promises etc.

Have you shared your feelings with him??
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Old 03-03-2013, 10:29 AM
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Wow Natsy.....that was one heck of a cathartic rant! Good for you! This is a great, safe place to get that toxic resentment out of you!

I've done the same thing but I did it in the shower.....while crying and yelling......but it sure felt good to get it out of me before it ate me alive. And it kept me from spewing that toxic meltdown all over the addict in my life (which wouldn't have produced a good result;-)

You've just beautifully described Step One.

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 03-03-2013, 10:45 AM
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Sadly, I love this lier. I love this addict.

I hate his drama and what he's become. I hate what he's made me. I'm a heartless bitch with a bad attitude.

I don't mind his every weekend detoxes because I know he wants to be better. What I mind is that he does all this work for nothing. HE IS TORTURING HIMSELF. His mind is constantly thinking how to get off of these things, not how to score these things. It's very sad.

My vent was only to keep me sane. Here he is sleeping and having off from work for another week so he can try to get off these things. I gave him until 3/14 to come up with a set plan or to be off these things. He must commit to meetings, drug tests, holistic health, and a few other rules. If he doesn't commit, then he will be removed from our house and I will assure that he does not have access to his child (who he loves) and he will be living with his parents and I will make his life a living hell because I will tell them what is going on. He works for his families business. I will take them to court to make sure the house gets paid for. Etc.. Though some are lies, they are white lies.
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Old 03-03-2013, 11:10 AM
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Wow is right.

It sounds like you have a good plan.

Sometimes I think being single is tough, bearing all the burden alone. But there you are doing that, raising a child and dealing with his issues as well.

Will say a prayer for you, for him and for your little one.
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