February13

Some days I get glimpses of how much my thinking has become distorted (and how insane my ex has become).

Tonight Ex called and apologized to my 3 year old for frightening her when we stopped by yesterday.(He was making a lot of noise putting dishes away, banging them, I believe cause he would have liked me to wash them and put them away for him though he never said). He told her he would like to see her sunday but then pretty much refused to talk to me (he is mad I decided to leave after a few minutes yesterday (because our little girl was kind of scared)). How does he think my daughter will manage to meet him? I am pretty confident he still doesn't know where we live. Who is this man? Did I really live with him for 10 years?

That really shows me that I have to step back for now. I wish him the best but I really shouldn't be participating in this insanity and putting our daughter in the middle of it.

As much as I tell myself that I have done step 1 and have long accepted that
I am powerless over him and his addiction somehow I am still afraid that refusing to see him might lead him to a relapse (if he is still clean) or more (worse) using if he already relapsed.

I am so sick.I just can't believe that I am still this involved in the insanity.
What does it take for me to let go?

Kindeyes

I always feel for parents who are dealing with children and an addicted spouse. That is the most complicated situation of all, IMHO. I went through it with my son and his addicted father (XAH) and am watching it happen as a grandparent.

I wouldn't want to relive those years and difficult decisions for anything and my heart goes out to all of the parents of children who are trying to cope and manage life while the other parent remains deeply addicted.

I have no ESH to share on this topic but you are in my prayers.

gentle hugs
ke

PresentTense

Also have no ESH to share but wanted you to know you are in my prayers. I agree that this is the most complicated situation of all. Children are so precious and I hate the thought of them being in the middle of that hell...

LoveMeNow

It took me a long time to accept step 1 too. Often times, I thought I had fully accepted it but sadly, my thinking and actions proved otherwise! For me, it's taking a while to deprogram my old thinking. But being aware of it is still progress!

February13

I don't have anybody I can tell right now so I'll write it here...

My ex called this afternoon and told me "I thought you were coming this afternoon"

I asked him how he could expect that when he refused to talk to me and was rude too.
He was very angry. He told me "another day wasted waiting" like it was my fault. Like him telling our 3 year old he wanted to see her and telling me to f**k off was a reasonable plan.

He called back a few times after that and either hung up on me or complained about me spending his money. I guess it was a bit of a threat of cutting us off, right now he is helping us financially as he is well-off.

I am sad. I was considering going to a meeting tonight but couldn't quite make it but I
am going to one in the morning.

I wish I had a friend who would come over and have tea/coffee with me and hang out a
little. I feel so alone.

shinebright7

((hugs)) Can you pop over into the SB chat room right now? There are people there you can be with and have a virtual tea too!

Glad to hear you're going to a meeting tomorrow morning. You know how to take care of yourself and that's really awesome. xo