shinebright7

Hi friends -

Two weeks ago I realized that my dear husband is sick with addiction and has been since he was much much younger. I only just realized this though after a few months of our being married. He was recently in a very stressful situation and went out of town on a bender with prescription pills and alcohol.

It has been painful and scary and sad and so many things. Honestly I'm tired of sharing the story of how it all surfaced, but I wanted to say hi here because I am looking for an online space where I can be with others who are friends and family members of addicts and alcoholics.

I have recently started going to Al Anon and I am getting SO MUCH out of it.

I also go to some open AA meetings every now and then and find them inspiring, helpful, and humbling.

I am committed to refocusing the attention on me and working the 12 steps because I have definitely seen that I am powerless over alcohol and addiction and that my life is unmanageable as a result of how his sickness has affected me.

Great to be here with you all -- and look forward to sharing more together.

Kindeyes

Welcome! And I applaud you for taking such proactive steps in helping yourself!!

In my opinion, a relationship has a much better chance of survival when one (but preferably both) parties are actively persuing recovery (that can include counseling, Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, other fellowships, etc.). Even if one person is pursuing the betterment of themselves, it can help.

Stick around. Share your story and journey. We'll walk with you!

gentle hugs
kindeyes

shinebright7

Thanks so much, KindEyes...

We have had some heart-to-hearts about his using now that the bender is over and he says that when he gets back in town he wants to start going to meetings NA or AA meetings...

I am not going to hold my breath, but I am also hopeful that he really wants to enter recovery for his sake first and that his wanting to have a wonderful life together can inspire him to want to make that change.

We all have to be motivated by something -- just not sure what it will take to inspire and motivate him, but we'll see! I'm definitely seeing that I can't MAKE him want to go, nor can begging/threatening him yield the results of his own desire for true recovery, so I am backing off and learning to surrender.

And in the meantime, I will most definitely continue to learn what I can and introspect and heal myself because NOT doing that is just not doable anymore. It's gonna just make me sicker and sicker if I keep avoiding my own issues related to his sickness.

So it's good to be here...

And I'm also noticing something -- now that he's not using in this moment and the bender is over, I am hesitant to think of him as an addict anymore. Even though I know that he is!

I need to make sure that I don't get complacent and think everything is okay because he hasn't been taking pills or drinking for like 5 days or something. He doesn't tend to use all the time...he binges and then backs off and binges and backs off. So now he's backed off...but who knows when the next binge will be?

I don't want to get lulled into a false sense of security so I am sticking with the program even though I am not in crisis mode anymore. This is interesting.

Thanks for the warm welcome - I'm glad to be here.