How to handle relapse?

Old 03-04-2013, 05:52 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Kelowna BC
Posts: 8
One more thing....i found a letter from a girl who was in treatment with him. he left for treatment and we were still together, asking me to wait for him. then he stopped contacting me and i didnt talk to him until middle of november , he left treatment end of sept i think. ...this letter says how much she is falling for him and she doesnt know what to do about thier "little situation"....telling him she cant wait to see where this goes and so muhc more heartbreaking things....ending the letter with "i wanna hold your hand"
I know my mind is going insane after all this over the past 2 weeks and now to find this. he says nothing happend and she just had a crush on him. i know he is very flirty and overly nice to girls . please someone put my mind at ease. or am i stupid with this too. i dont know what being in rehab is like and obviously they form great conncections because of the situation. ..... just one more heart ache to deal with......
Sto86 is offline  
Old 03-04-2013, 06:13 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 948
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Hi Sto,
Sorry you are going through this but glad you found SR because it will definitely help.

Originally Posted by Sto86 View Post
his parents had all the control
As a family member and former "surrogate" parent of a drug addict I can tell you emphatically: they had no control.

No one has control over a drug addict, No matter how much they spend or how they are connected.

It might look like that and they might behave as if they do, and they might even believe it but no, they have no control. Not in the eyes of the rehab center, unless it is a very unusual one and not in reality. Rehab counselors may listen, but what family members have to say plays very little role in treatment, and rightfully so.

You'll get lots of great advice here so please stick around, read the sticky posts at the top of the forum, read others ES&H and keep posting.

Hanna is offline  
Old 03-04-2013, 06:24 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 948
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Just read your post from 7:46PM.

It sounds like things are completely upside down. Drug testing someone that is supposed to be your partner and best friend? It is as if you have taken on the roles of parent and child rather than having a partnership. That cannot be fun for you and is unlikely to work out well in the long run for your relationship.

Both you and his parents seem to be operating as if you can do something that will change his behavior. He's an adult, and he's going to use drugs if he wants to do so no matter what you do. Most anyone posting on this F&F board has been in those shoes with an addict before, so it's really good you are here. This is where you can find help for yourself to stay sane and healthy while you are in a relationship with a drug addict but also begin to understand three important things:

You didn't cause this.
You can't control it.
You cannot cure it.

Peace and prayers,

PS - I'm surprised his in a program where men and women are in contact with one another. My bro was in three programs. First had men and women, but not ever in the same place at the same time and they could not fraternize at all. Second and 3rd were all male.
Hanna is offline  

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