dasiydoc

In a thread I wrote I talked about how my boyfriend has been in treatment with an addiction doctor for almost a month now. He went from using everyday, to using twice (that he told me about) and I think it's true or close because I can tell from how he is feeling and acting; he is having a hard time without the coke. Has some depression, anxiety, and cant sleep.

Some people said, I wouldnt say he is in "recovery". I never used that term I don't think, because not sure what "recovery" really means. How to define it. I read here on the "what is recovery forum" and a few other places, but my question:

What does the term "recovery" mean to you?

Also, I know some of you work your own programs of recovery from codependency. Basically the same as being addicted to a substance, but your substituting people instead of a drug sort of.

To me, recovery would mean that you are in the process of making life changes to end the use and dependence (physical, emotional) to a drug.

I don't think recovery is just abstinence without work to change your thoughts and behaviors.

I don't think recovery has to be perfect, in order to be occurring. So I think I would say my boyfriend is in the beginning stages of recovery from cocaine use.

I'd love to hear others thoughts and opinions on what "recovery" means to you in order to enhance my understanding.

hello-kitty

You are right about this. But it's also not just working on changing your thoughts and behaviors without any abstinence. Only time will tell whether recovery will stick or whether it's just cheap talk backed up with little action. That's why personal boundaries and personal recovery is so important.

Work the recovery you wish that the addict would work. Then you win no matter what.

Lily1918

recovery for me means only needing to be loved by god instead of other people, and doing what he says is right, even when others don't like it or it is inconvenient.

I believe that recovery from substances is the same thing, learning to draw true comfort and joy from ones own HP instead of a synthetic and artificial happiness.

I believe that the true lifestyle of recovery is about maintaining peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness and self control. Regardless of circumstances desires and emotions.

Kindeyes

Recovery to me means a process of enlightenment that allows us to accept accountability for our own behavior, recognize our own part in dysfunction, take control of that which we can (ourselves), recognize when our behavior is inappropriate, and make amends when necessary.

I believe this term applies both to an addict and to those who are closely associated with the addict because they often begin to exhibit behaviors very similar to the addict--just without the drug issue.

The primary difference between an addict and a codependent is substance abuse IMHO. I am no better--no worse--no different than a drug addict other than I don't abuse substances. My life, my behavior, my attitudes, my thought processes, etc., have been just as messed up but in an equal and often opposite way.

I had a wonderful conversation with a recovering addict a few months ago. He stated that, in his opinion, recovery for a family member (or codependent) is much harder because it is all behavior based and behaviors are very difficult to change. The addict at least has a very specific immediately gratifying event marked by ceasing the use of drugs/alcohol.....but that's just the beginning. The tough stuff starts for the drug addict when there is recognition that behavior and attitude changes must happen.

I think this is why you hear people comment that "he doesn't sound like he's in recovery" because if they are continually relapsing and there are no progressive behavioral changes taking place--can it really be called recovery? In the case of a codependent, if there are not behavioral changes taking place, are they really in recovery?

Recovery is a process for the addict and for the codependent. It is not an event. It is not done perfectly. But there should be effort and progress to truly be considered "in recovery".

I've heard recoverying addicts comment on other addicts who come to meetings but continually relaspse and do not proactively work toward necessary behavioral changes as "loiterers".

I don't think it's unusual for an addict to relapse and for the spans of time between relapses to get longer and longer. That.....IMHO.....is progress. There is an effort expended and a change of attitudes that denotes "recovery"......

That is my two cents and it's worth about.......two cents.

gentle hugs
ke

dasiydoc

These are great. Keep them coming if you have different views please.

Ilovemysonjj

KE, thanks for the post. Perfect for me today
TT

lqypb

god bless.. praying helps tremendously

bluebelle

Recovery is behaviors and actions that are healthy and healing. Just stopping substances is not enough. Sometimes people quit, but keep their save behaviors/attitudes. I believe that is known as "white knuckling." On the other hand, some people will go through the mechanisms of recovery--groups, counseling, etc., but don't stop the drug.

For recovery from codependency, I guess it would mean changing behaviors and living life without focusing on others. It would mean taking care of yourself without trying to control/fix others and change outcomes. It would mean letting go and letting God. It is about learning ways to cope with life that are healthy. Of course, it is a process, not an event. Recovery for a codependent would be independent of whether or not the Codie's family/loved one was using drugs. Just because a loved one is not using drugs, doesn't mean that the Codie is in recovery.

AnvilheadII

when we become "addicted" we have developed an obsessive/compulsive disorder - and NEED for the "drug" of choice. this can be substances, gambling, sex, codependency. something that takes over our entire being - body, mind and soul.

so in order to RECOVER from that we have to make wholesale changes in some combination to our lifestyle, thinking, habits and activities. we have to quit FEEDING the addiction. and it's a beast that never rests, always lurks in the bushes, waiting, patient, cunning, baffling, powerful.

it is humbling to realize that being some 7 years or so away from crack addiction (blech!) I am still and will always remain EXACTLY one bad decision away. one "oh what the hell" - one "just a little bit" - one "f*ck it". the thing about addiction is that even in the arrested state of recovery (non-use) addiction keeps pace. if I picked up today, I wouldn't start over...i'd "pick up" right where I left off. if not more advanced.

thus I have to do everything in my power to assure I am never in a space where smoking crack sounds like a GOOD idea. which I have done successfully for whatever 7 years x 12 months per year equals in days. every day I am committed to not smoking crack no matter what. ok so this morning I didn't have to make that statement even before getting out of bed...but at one time I had to. I had to say over and over "not today, no matter what" until NOT using became the new habit. today I am a habitual NON crack smoker.

so for me recovery is a new way of living.

Lily1918

this is so beautifully written.

dasiydoc

Thanks everyone, very helpful.

zoso77

Recovery means I can put myself first and not apologize for it.

Best,
ZoSo

Lily1918

in codependency yes. I agree. 100%

Vale

Recovery means cutting the bullsh*t and rejoining the human race.

GuideMe

"Recovery is an active change in our ideas and attitudes."

Unfortunately, recover is not as simple as "cutting the bullsh*t and rejoining the human race." The fact is there are more non-addicts then addicts in this world, and 75% of the non addicts spew just as much bullsh*t and are further from being decent human beings then, well, most would maybe like to admit. Just saying.

dasiydoc

I think that addicts are already part of the human race too. Thank you GuideMe for speaking up here. I read this yesterday, but did not have a chance to reply. Some of those who suffer with addiction have a much stronger character hidden behind the illness than those who do not. As for me, I would never tolerate anyone trashing my boyfriend; he is an amazing person.

blackandblue

re·cov·er·y
/riˈkəvərē/
Noun
A return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength: "signs of recovery in the housing market".
The action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost: "the recovery of his sight".
Synonyms
recuperation - convalescence

For me it means letting go, forgiveness, acceptance, moving on, being honest with myself and others, following my dreams, and taking care of me first. Basically recovery is- not selling out.

allforcnm

I use a definition by The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA):

The definition is the product of a year-long effort by SAMHSA and a wide range of partners in the behavioral health care community and other fields to develop a working definition of recovery that captures the essential, common experiences of those recovering from mental disorders and substance use disorders, along with major guiding principles that support the recovery definition.

The new working definition of Recovery from Mental Disorders and Substance Use Disorders is as follows:

A process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach their full potential.

Through the Recovery Support Strategic Initiative, SAMHSA has also delineated four major dimensions that support a life in recovery:

Health: overcoming or managing one’s disease(s) as well as living in a physically and emotionally healthy way

Home: a stable and safe place to live

Purpose: meaningful daily activities, such as a job, school, volunteerism, family caretaking, or creative endeavors, and the independence, income and resources to participate in society

Community: relationships and social networks that provide support, friendship, love, and hope.


Guiding Principles of Recovery

Recovery emerges from hope: The belief that recovery is real provides the essential and motivating message of a better future – that people can and do overcome the internal and external challenges, barriers, and obstacles that confront them.

Recovery is person-driven: Self-determination and self-direction are the foundations for recovery as individuals define their own life goals and design their unique path(s).

Recovery occurs via many pathways: Individuals are unique with distinct needs, strengths, preferences, goals, culture, and backgrounds ? including trauma experiences ? that affect and determine their pathway(s) to recovery. Abstinence is the safest approach for those with substance use disorders.

Recovery is holistic: Recovery encompasses an individual’s whole life, including mind, body, spirit, and community. The array of services and supports available should be integrated and coordinated.

Recovery is supported by peers and allies:Mutual support and mutual aid groups, including the sharing of experiential knowledge and skills, as well as social learning, play an invaluable role in recovery

Recovery is supported through relationship and social networks: An important factor in the recovery process is the presence and involvement of people who believe in the person’s ability to recover; who offer hope, support, and encouragement; and who also suggest strategies and resources for change.

Recovery is culturally-based and influenced: Culture and cultural background in all of its diverse representations ? including values, traditions, and beliefs ? are keys in determining a person’s journey and unique pathway to recovery.

Recovery is supported by addressing trauma: Services and supports should be trauma-informed to foster safety (physical and emotional) and trust, as well as promote choice, empowerment, and collaboration.

Recovery involves individual, family, and community strengths and responsibility: Individuals, families, and communities have strengths and resources that serve as a foundation for recovery.

Recovery is based on respect: Community, systems, and societal acceptance and appreciation for people affected by mental health and substance use problems – including protecting their rights and eliminating discrimination – are crucial in achieving recovery.

Vale

My apologies.I had no wish to offend.What I meant to get
across was more along the lines of "living life on life's
terms" --- getting back on a sustainable path not requiring
constant hurt,lying,and life destruction to all those who
care about them.......before they end up at the point of
no return.

A moot point as far as the addicted person I cared
about...

...and on that note........