I'm Tired. I'm Just So Very Tired

Old 03-01-2013, 06:18 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Yogagurl's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 261
Nasty -

I thank you so much for offering your words and thank you for thinking of me. I know what you meant and didn't think that you were saying that I wasn't doing anything about it.

As far as my therapist is concerned, I find myself constantly talking how ill HE is and I'm realizing from reading the posts on this site that I need to start talking about how ill I am. I have a new perspective on this now. I'm so grateful for a forum that welcomes help to those in my situation. It's so sad that people who don't use drugs are so effected by the people that do. The illness claims all who are involved with the user and holds tighter to the people who care the most. It's devestating.

Oz - are you in recovery? And if so, I wish you well and thank you for your reponse. It's difficult to be in these shoes. If you use drugs/alcohol, at least you can alter your state to escape reality for a bit. Imagine being an addict and being competely sober through it all, if that makes sense.....
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Old 03-01-2013, 08:10 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
JMFburns's Avatar
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966

Welcome to SR! It sounds like you have made some good connections are getting some great experience and support.

Your story about the truck and finances, digging yourself out of credit debt, etc. reminded me of my situation.

I'm a 52 yr old divorcee, mother of 2. My oldest, my son, is an opiate addict, he has been clean about 3.5 years. During his using and my enabling is really, REALLY when I destroyed myself financially.

My home was purchased to be torn down and a Target was built in it's place. I had $$$ from that sale and within about 3-4 years I had nothing left . . . I had given the majority of it to my son, bit-by-bit, lying story after lying story, it was all gone. I owned a used Toyota (that I had a payday loan against) and had taken out a loan for a old used Honda for my son to drive . . . my son tried to sell both cars on Craigslist. I turned both cars over to the credit union that financed the Honda & the payday loan place - I don't own a car now. I ended up filing bankruptcy to clear those debts. But . . .

I'm starting to put some $ in my savings acct. now!!! It may only be $5-$25 every 2 weeks, but whatever it is, it's now MY money and I'm saving it for ME - not my son.

I guess what I've learned (just me) is that I had to save myself and if that meant walking away from both those cars and being in debt, so be it. I had nothing left to give him and that forced me to stop enabling - to say "no more" leave me alone. It broke my heart and hurt like he!! but felt so dang freeing!!!

Keep learning - AlAnon and NarAnon are GREAT.
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