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I think he's getting used to his new life.Like a vacation.

Old 02-26-2013, 07:53 PM
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I think he's getting used to his new life.Like a vacation.

My opiate addict /alcoholic husband began staying with his addict /alcoholic /enabling mother last week after I asked him to leave the home almost 2 weeks ago. I do not plan on getting a divorce at this time but do not want to live under the same roof with children in his current condition. He started off being angry and blaming me for everything to crying and apologizing. He said that he will change the lifestyle that he was living for the last several months (never home in the evenings with using and acquiring pills and get drunk)and will go to marriage counseling. But he doesn't plan on getting any type of treatment. He finds that his pills are justifiable because he needs surgery for a bad shoulder and that he doesn't drink anymore than the next person. I don't care how much anyone else drinks ;it's not affecting my marriage or family. His is!He tells me that treatment doesn't work, that I'm trying to control him and that I just trying to be,"Polly Purebred ".The last 2 days he back to being mad because I won't "budge "and he's acting like he's happy with his mother and is just gonna go on with his life as it is.Without me and his family! Heartbroken!
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Old 02-26-2013, 08:03 PM
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when people show us how they are....BELIEVE them.

you asked him to leave.
he left.
you want him to get clean and sober.
he says NO.
you have a sense of family.
he does not.

sadly none of this is surprising or new. it's the effects of ongoing addiction. more and more, worse and worse.
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Old 02-26-2013, 10:01 PM
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I hope that you asked him to leave only because you made the decision that you could no longer live with his negative behaviors affecting your household. If part of the reason was thinking that he would see the light and change his behavior – that often backfires.

My experience was … telling my husband if he wanted to live the way he was… staying out late at night with his friends using drugs, lying, etc. then he needed to go and live that way until he was done. And I also told him when he was done he could come back and we would see where we stood. No promises, and no threats either. I loved him, but just didn’t want our marriage to look like that.

When I did this, I knew he would take it as permission to go crazy & he did. It took him about a year, and then he came home. Nothing bad happened to him except he was drug sick – but he said he was just tired of living that way & wanted his life back. He said he was done & asked for help at that time.

I would stop focusing on what he is doing, and just try to carry on with your life. Otherwise you are still just getting caught up in drama that you were seeking to avoid. Based on my husband, I can tell you that addicts have emotions, and feelings just like we do. Their perception of reality may be somewhat warped due to the drugs, but they still feel. It has not been long since he moved out – he is probably filled with as many conflicting emotions as you are. He feels hurt, angry, betrayed, has a sense of freedom, excitement. These things my husband felt when we separated also. Some of it cut deep, and we had to work through it in marriage counseling.

As far as his suggesting that treatment doesn’t work. What has he tried in the past? Maybe it did not work for him. One size does not fit all. However there are a lot of options for drug treatment including counseling. If he is open to marriage counseling as he says, then maybe he would be open to private counseling for his addiction issues? Very similar. (Just suggesting this because it is what my husband did). I guess the main thing is.. he has to want some kind of treatment, and he has to believe it will help him in some way.
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