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My secret life....

Old 02-26-2013, 01:55 PM
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My secret life....

I went on a website and met a man. He is married just like me. I've only been with one man sexually. I stand behind my beliefs that I don't need to use myself to get anything. I also stand true to the fact that I gave myself solely to one man. The man I met has a wife. I'm a wife. I hate cheaters. He is living in an emotionless marriage. His wife is distant. His wife hates him. I'm living in an emotionless marriage. My husband hates me. My husband is distant.
Him and I became friends. His emails make me smile. I agreed to meet him for a drink. He is nothing like my husband, but he makes me laugh. I haven't laughed in so long. I hate myself for thinking that I want this man to touch me. I want him to hunger for me. I closed my email account and cleared my head.

My husband has pushed me to this point. He has made me seek emotion and passion.

I will stand true to my husband. I just wish he would stand true to me.
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Old 02-26-2013, 02:27 PM
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I think I read a post of yours earlier. You said that your husband is a pain killer addict, correct?

Definitely do not get involved with a man who is married because that is obviously not a healthy man! You need to work on you and if that means getting out of what you are in so you can find the happiness you deserve within yourself then you should do just that. Addicts will never be emotionally available and it is sad and it hurts but why should it hurt us if they are numb to us anyways? I hope you find answers and peace within those answers.
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Old 02-26-2013, 03:00 PM
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NEVER. I can't believe I even had a drink. It was just a drink, but I feel terrible.
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Old 02-26-2013, 04:45 PM
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I understand how lonely it is to be married to an addict and how you long for some normalcy.. Dinner, a movie, good conversation, intimacy... I know this because I went there... Yep, about a year ago I stepped out on my marriage to my EXAH.. This is the first time I've ever admitted it to anyone.. It was only for a few months and while it felt good to be wanted, I hated myself for being so selfish and I gave away a little piece of my soul when I did that... I ended this fling long before I filed for divorce from my husband but I think I knew it was the beginning of the end when I stepped out and stopped that low to get needs met that were not being met in my marriage..

I wouldn't recommend anyone doing what I did.. I understand how it happens and how easy it can happen but once the novelty wears off and it will wear off, your life becomes a web of lies and secrets much like the one of the addict in your life..

I would cut off contact with him because even talking to him about intimate and personal things is crossing boundaries that you shouldn't cross...

(((( hugs to you))) and ps. Please forgive yourself.. Your human after all
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Old 02-26-2013, 06:51 PM
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I agree with the other posts. I struggled with feelings in the past, as well. I never acted but I know the feelings of living with a zombie. The only thing that I believe helped me keep true to myself is I kept focusing on getting myself help, which allowed me to see that I would not allow his addiction to take away my integrity and self respect. Hang in there and keep care of you.
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Old 02-26-2013, 07:07 PM
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my opinion...not legal, not religious....but to my understanding marriage is an arrangement between TWO parties - often vows are made, verbal statements made to each other and witnesses of how each of them will uphold that arrangement.

it only works if BOTH parties remain invested and true to those vows. if one has checked out - be it drugs, booze, hookers, financial destruction - there is no longer a mutual arrangement.

you can stay if you wish but this is what you get. he's not even remotely interested in getting better. he is verbally abusive. has ditched hygiene. no longer works. has a long term history of drug abuse and addiction.

you also have a commitment/obligation to your child. only it's not an arrangement....the child has NO choice in the matter and is completely dependent upon the adult to provide for them. 3 year olds aren't "best friends" they are children, little babies. and they are at the mercy of their guardians decisions.

your husband did not PUSH you to seek out other male companionship. that was a choice YOU made, a way you chose to deal with your situation. yes he is not giving you what YOU need or want in a marriage...but what to DO about this is on you.

you can take back your power, and the direction you want your life and your child's life to go. or sit around another 10+ years hoping maybe "he" will.....we are the masters of our own lives and can live them as happily or miserably as we choose. make this about YOU dear....God gave you one special life to live as well!
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