angel1018

Me and my addict boyfriend (2 months clean so far) are having a rough week. This happens every so often. It's constant bickering and irritability on both ends. It's hard for me sometimes and I guess I unconsciously show it and he knows that he caused it so he gets frustrated. Then the bickering begins and causes tension when we hang out sometimes. I feel like he has so many emotions going on that although he tends to our issues he's obviously more focused on him (which he should be!). Just makes things hard sometimes. He's sometimes cold to my concerns and it kills me and when I confront him he says he knows and it's bc he caused all of this. I feel like he is neglecting my needs during this process BUT I know all his focus should be on him. Sounds selfish of me but i don't mean to come off that way. He's been passing his weekly drug tests, goes to 2 or 3 meetings a week and brings me to at least one a week, and his rehab says he's doing great and brought him down to 2 days a week. (I go Tuesday nights with him and his parents to family night for his rehab program) He's passing his tests/ he's following all the things he needs to do and they're impressed. I'm happy for him. He has the personality that he fights until he wins and I know he won't let painkillers win this time. (Or pray he wont) I'm confident in his recovery. It's just sooo hard sometimes. Moods are up and down----even with me! Again - just venting and needed to get it off my chest.

Lily1918

My guy is in rehab also. These little arguments are why we take space. They aren't helpful for either of us. My sister has this saying that helps me "being in a relationship isn't always about finding the right person as much as it is about learning to be that right person."
so, when the bickering begins, I step back and examine these points.
*is he being mean? or did I say something to hurt his feelings
* is he teasing me like immature boys do because he thinks its cute?
*is he stressed and lashing out against me?
*is it really worth arguing over?
*how can I share he hurt my feelings without hurting his in return

being in recovery is no excuse to be bullied, but I don't get the impression from your post that he is bullying you. When my guy gets grumpy I just remember grandma telling me I will catch more flies with sugar than vinegar, and my HP telling me that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. hugs to you and thanks for posting! more will be along soon who have more experience than me. I wish you all the best

angel1018

Thank you for the reply. You're correct he isn't bullying. It's more stress that he's going through and maybe takes it out on us. At least that's what I think and in a way hope. This is tough and i didnt know what to expect during this process. The roller coaster of emotions and moods can take a toll. one day at a time.

MsPINKAcres

((angel))

Granted, new Sobriety is a difficult time for an addict/alcoholic and healthy compassion is something that everyone can share with our loved ones but at the same time - there should be balance -

There is no reason to take on his "mood" swings ~

Now, may be a good time to really take some time for you too ~ maybe you could really focus on your recovery program, renewing your interest in some hobbies, other things that could keep you in a healthy place so that your mind is so drawn to what is going on with him & his recovery.

Sometimes, I know for me, in dealing with the addicts/alcoholics in my life - I became so enmeshed in their lives - I forgot to live my own ~

Just throwing out a few suggestions ~ these are some things that helped me to deal with the adjustments that happened in when new sobriety and it also prepared me for when sobriety didn't stay.

I hope & pray that sobriety stays in your home & both you & your BF find a way to work your recovery programs separately while keeping the relationship healthy!

PINK Hugs!

angel1018

Difficult it is. You're right -- I shouldn't take on his mood swings. I need to learn to just brush it off and go do "me" - I take things personally which doesn't help. I just feel so unappreciated and I feel he takes things out on me more than anyone else. And I'm the one who helped him get where he is! He was really appreciative in the beginning but now he's seems to be taking me for granted....not a good feeling.

AnvilheadII

And I'm the one who helped him get where he is!

whoa....that's one of the classic codie hooks - look at all i have done FOR you, you OWE me!

truth is if you two have been together longer than two months, then you also there during his using. are you going to take credit for that as well? of COURSE NOT, because ultimately it isn't about you. his drug problem, his recovery, those are HIS.

it's time for you to get busy(er) with things in your own life. he's following all the suggestions, attending the required meetings, fully involved in his recovery.......what say you put forth as much effort into your own? cut him some slack AND YOU. that's is a great time for growth and the fostering of INdependence!!!

angel1018

Thanks for the "wake up". Sometimes I need to be "shaken" and be told. Like I've said - don't mean to come off as selfish it's just tough at times and right now is one of them. I do need to do "me" - thx again