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-   -   Good idea? (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-substance-abusers/285424-good-idea.html)

ZiggyStardust91 02-24-2013 02:14 PM

Good idea?
 
I have been in good standing with my ex AGF's father, we helped each other a lot over the past year and a half. I would consider him a great friend to me.
This morning he texted me and asked how I was doing since the breakup.
All I said was that I was doing better, and then I suggested SR to him.

Some time goes on, and I get a text from a random number telling me
"Ziggy, please stop texting my dad, seriously please."

I know it's my ex who I have been NC with for some time.
I haven't and I won't reply to her. And I didn't plan on acknowledging her wishes. I am his friend, and I'm not gonna stop talking to someone just because someone else wishes.

But... Is this a healthy option to take? We often times don't mention her in our discussions, (mainly just fishing, cars, politics.).

Sorry if this is confusing.

Ziggy

dollydo 02-24-2013 03:22 PM

I am friends with my exabf's sister, we have called each other throughout the years. We do not discuss him, we just gab. We figured...why not...we like each other!

Maylie 02-24-2013 03:25 PM

I say talk to whoever you want to as long as the discussions are healthy. If the two of you were to talk about her every time then I would say it prob. is holding you back from moving forward, but it sounds like the two of you have the same interests and enjoy talking to eachother.

She is prob. insecure and doesn't know how to handle you talking to her father. Do what is best for you, and if you consider him a friend, keep talking to him.

zoso77 02-24-2013 04:36 PM


Originally Posted by ZiggyStardust91 (Post 3833889)
I have been in good standing with my ex AGF's father, we helped each other a lot over the past year and a half. I would consider him a great friend to me.
This morning he texted me and asked how I was doing since the breakup.
All I said was that I was doing better, and then I suggested SR to him.

Some time goes on, and I get a text from a random number telling me
"Ziggy, please stop texting my dad, seriously please."

I know it's my ex who I have been NC with for some time.
I haven't and I won't reply to her. And I didn't plan on acknowledging her wishes. I am his friend, and I'm not gonna stop talking to someone just because someone else wishes.

But... Is this a healthy option to take? We often times don't mention her in our discussions, (mainly just fishing, cars, politics.).

Sorry if this is confusing.

Ziggy

I would be cautious. When boundaries are blurred, people can get hurt, even with the best of intentions.

The only parallel I can draw is I was friendly with my AXGF's closest friend from her home state. And over the course of a year, we developed a telephone relationship, and it was one I was very thankful for. Of course, it made my AXGF unhappy.

And when it was over, I made a decision I could no longer be involved with one of my AXGF's friends. For me, it wasn't appropriate anymore. Doesn't mean that we fell out, or didn't like each other. It just meant that in order for me to heal properly, I needed to break free 100%. So I did.

Just be careful, Ziggy. Relationships end, but family is forever.

Best,
ZoSo

laurie6781 02-25-2013 01:08 AM

Talk to whomever you want! After my divorce from my first husband I stayed friends with my ex mother in law. She and I were good friends had lots of fun together, visited each other when we could. Hardly ever talked about her son. She actually lived a lot longer than him, she was 94 when she passed and was still a live wire, still lived on her own, still drove, still traveled. It was a massive heart attack so she went quick. My ex sister in law was there and she called me within minutes of it happening. She and I still talk and visit once in a while also, she is my age. And yes, we hardly every mentioned my ex hubby's name. Our friendship may have started because of him, but our friendship grew way beyond him.

The friendship with her father sounds like that also. It has grown way beyond you XAGF so I see no reason not to continue it.

So it is your choice to be friends with whomever you want.

Love and hugs,

doggonecarl 02-25-2013 09:26 AM

It is a relationship in which the ex-GF is still part of the orbit. Not healthy, IMHO.


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