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My last chance plea to my addict husband before I throw in the towel.For good!

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My last chance plea to my addict husband before I throw in the towel.For good!

Old 02-23-2013, 01:00 PM
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My last chance plea to my addict husband before I throw in the towel.For good!

1 week ago I packed my opiate addict/alcoholic husband's belonging and asked him to find somewhere else to stay.We have 6 children between us and I couldn't handle one more day of the lies,blame, name calling, and uncertainties that come with living with his very quickly progressive duel addictions (I've been doing this for years now)Since he left he has stayed with his best friend and his family (who he is now against because he sat him down and told him that he needs help) and now his COMPLETELY enabling mother (her money, food, cell phone, pills, alcohol, cigarettes, ect.)She has blamed me back and forth for throwing out her son,to pleading for him to get help. (She is also an alcoholic /addict and plays both sides of the fence.)He didn't speak to me for 5 days and is now only to tell me that he hates me,I'm his enemy, I ruined his AND his mom's lives (since he has to stay there now and they have no food or money.) He says that he doesn't need help and that he's "hardly "using /drinking because he's broke.(I know that's not true because addicts will ALWAYS find a way to use.)He WILL NOT listen to ANYTHING that I have to say and only screams at me that I did this to him and asks how I would feel if he put me out on the streets in the middle of winter, at 10:30 at night with nowhere to go.He's now also blaming my mother because she has been coming around more (after a falling out) and is helping me with getting my children to school since I have no gas and have no idea where my next dollar with come from (I'm a stay at home mom.)The last time that I spoke with him (this morning) he told me not to call back his mother's house and turned off the cellphone and won't let his mother answer her own home phone. I work :with my sponsor on a daily basis, do online meetings, daily readings and assignments and am taking care of myself, children, home and finances.This is the first time that I have really took care of business since his addiction began and I'm not chasing him down and crying all day and he can't stand it because I thinks that I'm doing this because I don't care. I love him as much as the day that Im married him,but have had enough of watching him fall aaaaapart and kill himself (and mine and my children's self esteem.) My very last plea was. to send him a text message telling him that this is the VERY LAST time that I will tell him how I feel, what this is doing to me and the family and that I'm in recovery and he' needs to be as well. That if he really hates me as much as he says and wants a divorce, then he can get the rest of his things and go file on his own.I AM DONE PLAYING HIS MANIPULATIVE, ADDICT MIND GAMES!
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Old 02-23-2013, 02:31 PM
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I AM DONE PLAYING HIS MANIPULATIVE, ADDICT MIND GAMES!

good for you. now....what is your plan? some of the harsh facts are you have 6 kids and no money. and an addict husband who has bailed. that situation is gong to require some swift action to get in front of. it's great your mom is lending a hand. but you and the kids are going to need a lot of help, resources and support. wishing you the very best!
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Old 02-24-2013, 01:15 AM
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wow, I'm sorry for all of the hurtful things he said to you! I just scoffed (that's a weird word lol) at all of those statements. Seriously, you reuined his life? And his mothers? Ridiculous. I am so glad that you are putting your foot down. He is clearly very deep in his addiction and can't see the reality of the situation. None of this is your fault...I mean you each played a part, maybe you could've left earlier or something? I don't know... but there is nothing you could've done differently to help him. This is alllll on him. I so admire your courage and strength, considering the six kids and money issues. I am glad that you are doing so much work on yourself such as the meetings and readings you've been doing. Keep that up.

I'm sorry I didn't have much "advice" or anything to give, i just wanted to say....Go you!!! Hang in there, pray to your HP daily, and know that you are such a strong person...you will get through this!
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Old 02-24-2013, 01:24 AM
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Hey Jzeb -
I remember feeling like Zombies had take over my loved one. Sound familiar?
Who is this man?

From what you have written it seems like you have a great deal of strength and a pretty good perspective.

I'm sorry that he's being so awful, and that his mom is supporting him in his awfulness, but glad that you see what's going on for what it is...

Do you know what your next step is going to be?

Glad that you found SR. It's a huge help to have this community.
Peace and Love,
Hanna
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Old 02-24-2013, 10:23 AM
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I am glad that you are 'working' a program for you!!!!

Now that he is out of the house, and you are a SAHM you might want to go down to your local Welfare Office and FILE for everything, financial aid, food stamps, medicaid insurance for the children, etc They can help you, they have seen this many times. They understand about 'not having/wanting' a practicing addict around the children and yourself.

Also contact your local Domestic Violence Shelter and ask for help. Verbal and emotional abuse is just as bad as physical and sometimes worse! They have all sorts of help available, including counseling for you and the children, legal help, housing help if you end up having to move, etc

We may not physically be where you live, but please remember we are walking with you in spirit and when you are having a 'down moment or two' picture the room you are in FILLED with all of us from SR. It does help.

Lots of love and bunches of hugs,
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