sojourner

((Hugs)) and prayers. I also can relate. In fact, I'm just too sad to say anything else.

Sojourner

Lara

Dearest TJP... your thread is devastating to read. And touches my soul deeply. Your thread speaks of those moments in life... those moments when we are most vulnerable - those moments that only God understands.... when I refer to 'moments' they could be one hour, one day, one month, or years.... or an instant when somebody is taken from us. Like that moment I heard my brother had been killed in a head on collision. At that very moment if felt that life for me had ended. I felt as though there was a claw around my heart, strangling the life out of my soul. But right before that moment - my life was calm. It was happy. I had no warning of the news I was about to receive. News that my body tried to shut out.
Sometimes TJP life can be filled with sadness, pain and dread which leads us to believe that the only possible outcome is perhaps death. Death of a loved one through suicide or addiction or disease. Yes, the odds are not great when we consider addiction and depression... but there is still HOPE. There is still a possibility that God has a plan for your son. That your son will make old bones... or the very least out live his partents - which is the natural cycle. But at the same time you are allowed to 'grieve' and to 'trust your inner gut'. Too many people wish they had spent more time with somebody who they have lost.
I pray for you TJP and your son. I pray that God grants your son life here on earth. I pray for your son's recovery. Don't ever give up hope. And this is too where I believe we should diverge from the teachings of co-dependency. "Let the loved one fall". But if you, as a mother, believes that you need to spend as much time with your son as possible - then this is what you should do. This is all truly in God's hands... and remember God is guiding you too - God gave us all the gift of 'following your gut / instincts' - those are the whisperings of your soul - so listen. And TRUST yourself. Maybe this precious time with your son, which is a gift, will ultimately assist your son. Perhaps sometimes we have it wrong when we say 'detach' and 'let them fall'. Perhaps this time is not for your son at all - perhaps this time it is for you.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. God bless.

tjp613

Sojourner - Did you read my update from last night? It turned out to be a good day for both of us....and really, in the end, isn't that all we can ask for? A good day. And maybe today will be a good day too. And maybe even tomorrow.... But for today, all is well. I will try to stay here, in the precious present, and enjoy it. Awful-izing about the future doesn't do anyone any good.

I feel bad that I made you sad....or anyone else who read my post. I know it was a downer but sometimes you gotta let that poison out, y'know? I'm sorry. Maybe I was being selfish. I guess I didn't show much "strength" --I just had to get these feelings up and out. But I did share my "experience" and in my update I shared some "hope".

What a roller coaster!

tjp613

Very powerful post, Lara....and very insightful. Thank you.

Kindeyes

Don't feel bad! Those thoughts and future tripping are a poison that we all experience! The strength and hope came from the gut-honest truth in the post--the honesty of it touched me profoundly--and then the follow up post of pulling yourself back into the present and sharing the love you have for your son and the lovely day you spent with him.

I salute you for your honesty. Everything you stated in that first post, I have experienced and could relate to. Everything you stated in the follow up post, I have experienced and could relate to. I'm walking with you, sweetie.

Thank you for sharing your journey.

gentle hugs
ke

EJG123

tjp- I totally understand how you feel. I accept my AD may be gone any day and we have talked about how she'd want her death to be handled. I am in contact with her weekly and see her a few times a year and try to make the best of our time. To detach to the point of NC would only happen if she became threatening in some way. Otherwise it would just rob me of time that I know will be all too short as it is. As always, you and your son are in my prayers.

Vale

The last time I saw her,she was smiling through her tears with the
sunlight on her face.It was a beautiful,sunny day.I don't remember the
words.... or even care.

Something in me sensed that it would never be again --for her.

And it never was......

but what a perfect day!

Ilovemysonjj

TJP, your post and your connecting with us all is the power of SR and the faith we all share in HOPE and God.
I know when I felt that JJ was not on this earth any more, the power of this community and the true prayers that were said for our family had a profound effect on my state of mind.
TJP, blessings come in many shapes and sizes and our God has this under his master plan.
Have a wonderful day
TT

LoveMeNow

Thinking of you today! Just want you to know that you are loved by many who truly understand and care!

dollydo

I am glad that yesterday was a good day...yes, that's all one can ask for...you were given a gift, I hope that there are more to come!

sojourner

tjp613: No need to explain. I'm sad, but this too shall pass. My son's active drug/alcohol use causes me to have ups and downs. To hear other people struggle with that same thing actually helps me get through the down-part sooner.

Thanks for sharing....

Anaya

tjp613: You are remarkable and your faith shines through!

I, too, will pray for your son and you.

It sounds like you had a great day together; those days are gems to cherish.

Impurrfect

((tjp)) - I'm glad you had a good day, yesterday. I will continue to keep you and your son in my prayers.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

oooopps

Hang in there TJP. Take it day by day. You are loved and cared by many. One breath, one step at a time.

JMFburns

tjp,

It is comforting to know that SR is such a safe place for so many of us to come to during times of struggle and post our feelings. To know that there are so many kind, caring people here to support each other.

Thank you for this heartfelt thread.

Natsy

My heart just broke into a million little pieces.

My husband died 2 times. He was given back to me. Will God give him a 3rd chance? I pray. I now pray for you too. You've entered my thoughts and now you've entered my heart.

PresentTense

I have a similar situation with my daughter. I know your pain... still hoping for a miracle for our babies...you and your son are in my prayers.