February13

I think my ex relapsed. When I saw him monday he seemed high to me but
then I never could tell when he was. He swears he is still clean and said he
would take a test to prove he it.

If he is clean I am totally ok with him seeing our daughter once a week
(with me present at all times) but if he is not I don't want her to see him
anymore.

He is addicted to heroin. Would any opiate test work?

I feel a little ridiculous for shopping for drug tests.

I had not spoken to him since seeing him monday and he was freaking out
today, he got a friend to text me and email me to give him a call.

drc5426

What's your legal custody arrangement with him regarding the child?

Do you have an order that states he is to have supervised visitation dependant on him maintaining sobriety? If there is no such order in place and you have serious concerns regarding his addiction issues around the child, I would pursue the matter, in court, immediatly.

The burden of proof is on him. In my opinion it's not your responsibility to provide him with drug tests. You're not a lab.

tjp613

My son is a heroin addict and I found that the easiest and most immediate way to tell if he'd been using was to observe his pupils. They will be very, very tiny and not very reactive to light/dark. Beyond that it was pretty hard to tell.

A hair follicle test would be the only really reliable test. They're expensive and take a few days to obtain results.

dollydo

They know every trick in the book, my exabf passed many times and he was using. IMO Hair follicle is the ony test I would believe.

meadowsis

My AB passed a couple drug tests while in work release/probation last month, but they found paraphernalia and sent him back to jail all the same. Since I brought him all his clothes and bag in work release and made sure it was 100% clear of his old heroin use stuff, he had to have picked up the items in the 3 weeks he was out.

He is crafty, so I suspect he was doing something to get around the tests. He even admitted to not being able to pee on demand and having to wait a couple of hours the day he was caught with paraphernalia, which to me just tells me he was getting help in the work release dorm.

So for whats it worth, I don't trust testing myself. I saw him once on release and thought he was using again as well. Same behaviors of not looking at me, antsy, pacing, downing caffeine, fiddling with his phone non stop....all things he did prior to his jail stint.

February13

I am glad I posted this question.

So if someone has only been clean a month is it too early to do a hair follicle test? I think they test for 90 days but can they tell if the last month has been drug free.

I saw my ex yesterday and compare our pupils and mine where way smaller than his.
I still don't know what it means, whether it means he is still clean or that it had been a
few hours since he had used/

GuideMe

Yeah, Pupils are a dead give away. I would be in a dark room and have pins for pupils. Also, look for the scratching the nose, arms, rubbing his face. It takes about 3 days to not **** dirty, and if he's using, it's everyday. There are no chippers! Go buy a drug test. Any 7-13 panel test will work. Opiates essentially all get turned into moriphine and thats what most test for unless its really specific. Tell him you want him to **** in front of you. No questions asked. If he's like no, I don't blah blah blah, well, he's dirty. If he has nothing to hide he will whip it out and let it go. I promise. If he avoids any of your stipulations. Bail out and move on. This is coming from an addict of the worst kind.

And Yes, a month clean and his hair is gonna be dirty. But, the more expensive test will tell the time line of drug use. As in the 1/4in closest to the root is clear, and everything after is positive. Some general hair test just give positive and negative results.

allforcnm

My husband does hair follicle testing for work. He goes into his doctor every three months. From what I understand, if a person used in that amount of time they can estimate when it was because of the way the drugs remain in the hair shaft, and the rate at which the hair grows. I don’t know how exact it is in pinpointing within days or even specific weeks. I never delved into it that much. I didn’t even know they had home kits.

Your saying your pupils are smaller than his?

I don’t think I would feel comfortable testing my husband. I know some people do it, and it works ok for them. I would also question what the test proves so to speak. If he did relapse, was it once, was it a week? And what did he do about it.. people can learn from a relapse and quickly get back on track. With my husband I think his behavior, his attitude would show me before long all I needed to know. I know situation is a little different since your not living together; would be more difficult to tell Im sure.

February13

Yes, my pupils were much smaller when I looked at us in the mirror.

Maybe he didn't relapse or maybe he used something else like weed,
anxiety meds or sleeping pills?

I feel weird about testing him. I don't really know what else to do. I am so thankful for
my Alanon group showing me the way little by little but I am progressing very slowly,
I'll blame it on being a single parent with no help, no time to myself ever. (I am working on changing that).

allforcnm

Definetly other drugs can change the pupils, and if he is taking something prescribed for those conditions.. yes.

It is tough being a single parent. I got a taste of that when my husband and I were seperated, and my son was just an infant. I know now it would be so much harder because he is on the go, or trying to be all the time. Its an art getting him occupied long enough to accomplish any task. I think you are doing great February !

tallgirl77

I definatley agree with this! My exabf relapsed and I refused visitation and filed in court and vistations were then ordered to be supervised at a local center in my area that works with the courts. If you do not have a custody/vistation arrangement filed with your local court, I highly recommend doing so. And especially if he is an active addict/recovering addict you need to do what ever is necessary to protect your child from their fathers addiction. If you are that concerned that you feel he needs to be tested then you definatley need to get things straightened out through the court system.