lonelystar

Hi

It's been a rocky road for me and my family since I started coming here to sr our lives have been flipped upside down and inside out. All along I had so many emotions those that don't know me I have a 22 yr old drug addict son . I have learned a lot here but not enough and I have realized that I'm holding my son back trying so very hard not to let him fall not to let him feel all the bad consequences, there I've admitted it and why have I done this , fear fear is what holds me back from letting things go , fear mostly for myself how will I handle with whatever may happen , maybe another fight he gets into, maybe jail, maybe a drug overdose well we all know all the bad things that could happen I have all this fear bottled up inside at least now I admit to it and I'm going to try really hard to let that go , he needs to feel his actions and I need to step out the way.......

lizwig

Hi Lonely Star, I can totally relate. Fear kept me delaying what I needed to do for a long, long time. It's hard distancing oneself from your children. The "what if's" will rattle around in our heads until we feel crazy! I have been nearly no contact with my son for almost 5 months. It's by far the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. I recognized I had become an emotional dumping ground for him. He'd spew everything wrong with his life in my direction then carry on with his addiction while I was left to process something I had no control of. I finally just told him I would talk to him about anything else but not his addiction. I told him I didn't need the chaos and drama in my life when he wasn't willing to do anything to improve his situation. Fear kept me up at night, fear permeated all my healthy relationships, fear kept my phone in my pocket at all times. I have been attending al-anon meetings which have helped more than I had imagined they could. At times I feel extremely weak but I also know my trying to help him was postponing his bottom. Big hug being sent your way. I've heard it said my son's Higher Power can't step in to help if I'm blocking the door way. Hang in there....I've noticed my moments of uncertainty get fewer and farther between.

Ilovemysonjj

Mommas, I so understand the FEAR OBLIGATION GUILT which drives us to swoop in and try and solve our Addicts life issues. All I know for ME is that everything I have done as a result of my fear of losing JJ has not helped whatsoever. It is so so hard to accept that our flesh and blood is not responding to our helping hand. Truth is as many of our recovering A's have shared here at SR: Families need to step away so the Addict can face the choices of their life and take the steps they need to take to find sobriety. It is very hard, I am struggling with not sending the email to JJ today. Lizwig, thank you for the comment "HP can't step in to help if I'm blocking the door way."