about acceptance

Old 02-21-2013, 10:42 PM
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about acceptance

It looks like I am chairing a topic meeting about acceptance tomorrow.
(I am pretty new to chairing) (I accepted to chair cause I wanted to chose the topic (guilt.) but topic got chosen for me.)

I can't help feeling that it's a AA/NA topic more than an Alanon topic.
( I read most of the entries in the index from the how alanon works and haven't found much to be excited about).

I have always accepted way too much my whole life.

The hardest things for me to accept are my own needs. I was always told
I don't deserve anything good and to not touch anything as I might break stuff that was too good for me in the first place.

I guess today I accept (or want to accept) my needs, I try to accept my shortcomings (and overcome them), I accept responsibility for my daughter and myself.

I'd love to hear what anybody has to say about acceptance.
I'll be trying to do my homework for the next little while (unless my little girl wakes up) and I'll check if anybody wrote anything. I'll probably do a quick search to.

If you have any alanon reading on this topic that you can recommend that would be appreciated.
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:39 PM
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Below are the words from the Big Book that come to mind related to acceptance:

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I can accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. ~ p449 or p417

As a family member, I appreciate these words immensely. Whatever is bothering me today is related to what I personally need to accept. If I am unhappy, it is because I need to take action to change my circumstances or else change my perspective.

Interesting that you wanted a topic and got handed a different one that you don't really feel
comfortable having, isn't it? Maybe a situation of being forced to teach something that we most need to learn about?

Hoping something very good comes to you out of this exercise.
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Old 02-22-2013, 10:52 AM
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well unless meetings have changed drastically since i last attended, chairing the meeting is more like being the crossing guard rather than the featured speaker. i could be wrong tho.

i think the saying "It is what it IS" nicely sums up acceptance. take the weather, we may have hoped that it would NOT rain, we may not LIKE the rain, but nonetheless IT'S RAINING. and we can't stop or change that fact. we can either stand there shaking our fist at the sky, getting soaked, or we can take cover.

same with people. they are who they are. they do what they do. we may not like it, and that's ok, we don't HAVE to...but for us to have any peace of mind we have to ACCEPT them as they are.....and then ACT ACCORDINGLY.

it all comes back to OUR conduct, OUR behavior, OUR actions and reactions. take this little guy he's getting nowhere quick. the brick wall is still a brick wall. and it ain't moving. he has choices...continue to bang head against wall hoping it will give way and change cuz HE wants it to - OR - stop, step back, see the wall for what it is, and find another way.

Awareness - there is something ahead of me in my path
Acceptance - it's a brick wall
Action - i must readjust my route to get around the brick wall
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Old 02-22-2013, 01:34 PM
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Last meeting I was in, a few months back, was like Anvilhead describes- the topic was introduced by the person chairing the meeting but then everyone got a chance to say what it meant to them.
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Old 02-22-2013, 03:22 PM
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yeah, it's not like I was a featured speaker but I got to choose a reading on the topic of acceptance. I think I picked a great one from "from survival to recovery" and made copies for everybody since it was not from the book we usually use (How Alanon works).
I got to share first, very quick share about why I picked that reading, how it spoke to me.

We only have topic meetings the 4th friday (and fifth is there is a fifth one) of the month. When it's not a topic meeting you don't even need to pick a reading, you just read the step, slogan or tradition. Topic meetings are my favourite. I am already thinking about chairing the topic meeting next month if that means I can pick a topic and a reading.
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