Ilovemysonjj

Well, the bubble burst after 10 days. He was arrested and he doesn't know I know. I am not calling nor emailing him. He left his rehab (obviously) and looks like he got picked up yesterday. I found out due to the notification system that CA has for victims. I haven't told my husband or kids. I am too tired and disgusted.
So, he goes on with his addictive behaviors.
Send prayers, but know I am OKAY. My son has survived jail before, and since he continues to act like a criminal, then he needs to be there until such time he realizes that his life is uncontrollable. Momma get out of the way says HP. By the way, this is the shortest relapse in his history for sure!

JMFburns

I am so sorry to hear that.

I know that you have STRONG tools in your recovery toolbox and can absorb the news, but continue on with your life as it is not your battle to fight.

Sending you a hug. :ghug3

Hanna

You sound like you are in a very good place!


Hugs and Peace,
Hanna

tjp613

Oh, no dear. JJ definitely does NOT get the shortest-relapse award. My AS got drugs while IN rehab....TWICE....so he wins. :P Also, he got arrested the day after being bailed out on another charge...so he wins there too. :P

At least we don't get hypoxia from holding our breath anymore, so there's that.

Gentle hugs from me and maybe I'll have a slab of cheesecake on your behalf this evening. Care to join me?

Vale

Prayers for you and JJ.

Justfor1

At some point the court system gets tired of addicts. They often give folks many chances before they start locking them up. I once knew a guy who was on felony drug probation. He was surprised when the judge gave him almost the max prison time on the original charge. The thing was that it was his 3rd drug test in a row that he failed! He was given a "chance" with probation and then 2 additional "chances" with the tests. At some point enough is enough. When rehab attempts fail, incarceration is the answer to keep society safe. Who knows, he may just find sobriety in prison?

MsPINKAcres

aww ~ prayers & good thoughts for you ~

even tho you are doing very well in your recovery, as a momma, I'm sure it still hurts ~ well it did for me ~

as others have said, continue to take good care of you, give JJ over to his HP and detach with love, allowing him the dignity, self-respect and ability to find his own way ~

gentle pink hugs from one mom to another ~

Ilovemysonjj

Thanks Just for 1, but I ask you .... Where is experience strength and hope in your message?

GardenMama

So sorry to hear this news, TT. Strong as you are, it probably still stings to learn this. You have worked hard on your recovery and also been a great support for me and others here. So I send you love and a comforting hug. And a prayer goes out to JJ that what he learned in rehab, no matter how short, sticks eventually. Take care.

EJG123

Glad you are taking this in stride. Hopefully, JJ will get tired of the crap that goes along with being an addict and make the decision to change. In the meantime, I'm wishing you clarity and peace.

Ilovemysonjj

thanks everyone. JJ has 4 plus months of rehab under his belt from his previous stint. Whatever he is going through, he knows the way out of it. Sobriety pure and simple and self control and accepting that he needs help.

I will be okay and so will he when he gets sick and tired of being sick and tired.

zoso77

I remember my AXGF got out of the hospital on a Thursday, and four days later, she ate a Fentanyl patch. Addicts do whatever it is they do, which is often behave self-destructively without any regard for the consequences to themselves or others.

I cannot imagine what it's like for a mother to watch her child go through what JJ is going through. It must be some version of hell. Well, when you're going through hell, don't stop. Keep going. And at some point, you'll reach the other side regardless of whether your son is using or not. Take care of you.

Best,
ZoSo

Impurrfect

Sorry that he hasn't found recovery, yet, but very proud of you!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Ilovemysonjj

Thanks Zoso, that is exactly what he has been doing for 3 years. Things start looking up and then he self destructs. He knows this about himself too! Something isn't letting go of him yet.

Ann

I am so sorry too, dang it hurts a mama's heart even when we know it's a very real possibility.

You will get through this, your recovery is shining already. JJ will remain in my prayers, that he will find a better path soon and try again.

Hugs from this mama's heart.

laurie6781

I too am sorry that you are going through this again and that JJ has still not found
recovery.

Sending healing thoughts and prayers.

You know the longer I am around and sober and clean, the more I see how many
continue to relapse. I see now that in some respects my HP did very right by me
allowing me to take it to the very MAX, and to die during detox. It gave me a
REAL FEAR in those early months and years that if I went out again I would NOT
make it back, that this was my one and only chance.

I had an 'on and off' sponsee that relapsed and relapsed and relapsed, each time
losing more of her material things and her own self respect. She finally found that
'burning desire' to LIVE. And that is what it takes. For me, it was I knew I was
dying and it wouldn't be long, and I knew if I tried to detox I would die but damn
it I wanted to die sober.

And yes when that times comes I will die sober!!!!

So, hopefully some SERIOUS prison, not jail time will bring JJ to his senses!!!

In the meantime we all walk with on your journey. A journey by the way that is
showing just how far you have come!!!!

You go girl!!!!!!

Love and hugs,

HopefulmomtoD

I'm sorry. My heart hurts for you and your family.

SundaysChild

I'm so sorry! There are lots of things that could have caused it - he may just be afraid of "failing" at "real life" so subconsciously figures he might as well get it over with as soon as possible. I'm glad you have the strong foundation you've built for yourself- but I know it doesn't stop the grief you feel that your beloved son just can't get through is head that he is worthy of a good, rich, full, life.

Sending **{Hugs}} and prayers.

lizwig

I'm so sorry to read this...whether you know it or not "Ilovemysonjj" you have been instrumental to me. Our paths are so similar. When you have a small victory I completely understand and cheer for you! I will pray for both you and JJ. I send strength and hope your way. Regardless of how strong you are, and while using every tool you have, there is that deflated feeling we mothers get when we realize this is not their time. I'm going on 5 months of nearly no contact with my AS. We have messaged every few weeks bit it's clear he isn't ready. Things just aren't bad enough yet I suppose. I'm sending a big hug your way. Keep your chin up. You really are a beacon for us...trust me.

Ilovemysonjj

Again, thanks everyone. I was debating about keeping this from my family. In the end, I decided that withholding my knowledge of his arrest is a lie and why should I protect JJ from the truth of his actions? I sent this email to my husband whom you all may remember has not really forgiven JJ nor has opened his heart to him since the burglary of our home.
"JJ is back in jail. I got the VINE notification. I am not interested in taking his call at all right now. Apparently he was arrested yesterday for shoplifting or something from a store. It is on the jail page as well as being under the influence of a controlled substance.
I am sad he is not serious about recovery. His arraignment is tomorrow so let’s see when his next court date will be. This is something very wrong with him, whenever things look like they are on the way up, he self destructs and blows it!

Don’t worry, I know I am not at all to blame nor is there anything I can do to fix this. Distance is the best thing for us right now, let him find the bottom SOMEWHERE!

Love you always
T"

One thing about my codependency is that I don't like to admit when my addict makes another blunder. I tend to defend and get defensive, especially with my husband. Today, I am feeling more at peace as maybe the truth of the matter that I had nothing to do with the choices that JJ is makeing is starting to sink in. I still love JJ, and I love him enough to stop jumping in front of the emotional bus and trying to spare him his feelings.
I still have a long way to go, I hear the addictive voice in my head and feel the craving from my codependency to email him and open that door. I am NOT going to and I believe this is coming directly from my HP to wait.