snitches get stitches ;)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
snitches get stitches ;)
so... hahaha!!!! who's the codie now?? he is holy cow! I just saw him on Monday, I said no calls, but I will be there Sunday. He manipulated the guy at the front desk to let him use the counsellors phone and called me. I answered because the ID on my cell said "admin" Its a different ID when its him and not the center, so of course I answered. He knew I wouldn't answer from his number (the resident phone) "I miss you, I love it here, but I miss you... I feel so lonely sleeping alone... My emotions are returning... I just feel this overwhelming infatuation like Im 18 all over agian and don't know what to do with it... the meetings are going well... when do I get to see you again... I am going to stay for phases 2 and 3 I really never want to leave because they will let me stay here for a year, maybe by then my emotions will be under control... I miss you I love you.... Im sorry...."
* the sticky "what addicts say from jail" = what addicts say from rehab
*awesome he wants to complete the program instead of running out the door to go use
*I believe he misses me, he doesn't start work on his codependency until march when he gets to 90 days
*of course his emotions are intense he's been hooked on opiates for years
*good for him to have to sleep alone in a twin bed, he left our bed cold for mistress heroin plenty of nights. serves him right. jerk.
*good for him to have to be cooped up in the "house" and wonder what Im doing
*he crossed my boundary. I said no calls. I was serious. He broke a rehab rule and used the desk phone. I care more he crossed my boundary
I hung up and called the manager and told him the truth. I told him I was on the 4th step and having a hard time and had asked the BF to wait until Sunday to talk to me because my emotions are all over the place. I understand he misses me but he needs to. He of course asked me why in the world I didn't ignore the call and I said because the ID said it was from the admin phone. He said it happens all the time, at least once and that there would be an appropriate consequence such as lost piano time ( its on the individual, for some its ciggs, others its video games etc.) The most awesome thing is he asked me if I would like him to block my number from the resident phone and desk phone? That way calls can only be made from his office and I can change my mind after two weeks if I want to help me stay accountable and I said YES PLEASE!!
I feel a small twinge of guilt to have taken away his piano tomorrow but the manager said DON'T. Im here to help codependents keep boundaries too. what an awesome man!!!!! sorry for another long post, I guess I just wanted to share that rehab isn't some magic cure... "bippity boppity boo" and voilla! a new BF! hahaha I wish! 
but still, I am counting my blessings. thanks for letting me share
* the sticky "what addicts say from jail" = what addicts say from rehab
*awesome he wants to complete the program instead of running out the door to go use
*I believe he misses me, he doesn't start work on his codependency until march when he gets to 90 days
*of course his emotions are intense he's been hooked on opiates for years
*good for him to have to sleep alone in a twin bed, he left our bed cold for mistress heroin plenty of nights. serves him right. jerk.
*good for him to have to be cooped up in the "house" and wonder what Im doing
*he crossed my boundary. I said no calls. I was serious. He broke a rehab rule and used the desk phone. I care more he crossed my boundary
I hung up and called the manager and told him the truth. I told him I was on the 4th step and having a hard time and had asked the BF to wait until Sunday to talk to me because my emotions are all over the place. I understand he misses me but he needs to. He of course asked me why in the world I didn't ignore the call and I said because the ID said it was from the admin phone. He said it happens all the time, at least once and that there would be an appropriate consequence such as lost piano time ( its on the individual, for some its ciggs, others its video games etc.) The most awesome thing is he asked me if I would like him to block my number from the resident phone and desk phone? That way calls can only be made from his office and I can change my mind after two weeks if I want to help me stay accountable and I said YES PLEASE!!
I feel a small twinge of guilt to have taken away his piano tomorrow but the manager said DON'T. Im here to help codependents keep boundaries too. what an awesome man!!!!! sorry for another long post, I guess I just wanted to share that rehab isn't some magic cure... "bippity boppity boo" and voilla! a new BF! hahaha I wish! but still, I am counting my blessings. thanks for letting me share
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
That is awesome Lily!
Sounds like the staff there has got it down!
I do like that he said he wanted to stay a year.
I never heard that willingness from my bro until he was well underway to recovery. He was always talking about how it was too much of a commitment.
Sounds like the staff there has got it down!
I do like that he said he wanted to stay a year.
I never heard that willingness from my bro until he was well underway to recovery. He was always talking about how it was too much of a commitment.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Way to go Lily! Breaking rules in rehab is not ok - even if it is to whine about how lonely he is and how much he misses you. It's just not a good start. Hopefully he is able to stick it out for the whole year. Now that would be a truely worthwhile accomplishment. I really have my fingers crossed he makes it. But it's all about actions not words...
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Since he just completed a rehab program in Nov and went right back to drugs, it would appear that a 30-60 day stint is not the answer for him. Staying for a year may also be of benefit to you...I am concerned about you, smoking dope on Monday IMO is not a good sign, smoking weed will not help you in your fight against codependency. I personally, have never seen where drug usage makes anything better.
I am glad that you are planning to stick to your boundery about phone calls.
Best of luck to you!
I am glad that you are planning to stick to your boundery about phone calls.
Best of luck to you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by dollydo 
Since he just completed a rehab program in Nov and went right back to drugs, it would appear that a 30-60 day stint is not the answer for him. Staying for a year may also be of benefit to you...I am concerned about you, smoking dope on Monday IMO is not a good sign, smoking weed will not help you in your fight against codependency. I personally, have never seen where drug usage makes anything better.
I am glad that you are planning to stick to your boundery about phone calls.
Best of luck to you!
I am glad that you are planning to stick to your boundery about phone calls.
Best of luck to you!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Keep heading in the right direction, Lily, and work on yourself and all will be well...regardless of how your boyfriend makes out.
If you haven't tried Al-anon this might be a good time to give it a shot and see if it helps you like it has helped so many of us. It's not for everyone but it's a darn good program that will help you in all relationships in your life. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain to try.
Hugs
If you haven't tried Al-anon this might be a good time to give it a shot and see if it helps you like it has helped so many of us. It's not for everyone but it's a darn good program that will help you in all relationships in your life. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain to try.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by Ann
Keep heading in the right direction, Lily, and work on yourself and all will be well...regardless of how your boyfriend makes out.
If you haven't tried Al-anon this might be a good time to give it a shot and see if it helps you like it has helped so many of us. It's not for everyone but it's a darn good program that will help you in all relationships in your life. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain to try.
Hugs
If you haven't tried Al-anon this might be a good time to give it a shot and see if it helps you like it has helped so many of us. It's not for everyone but it's a darn good program that will help you in all relationships in your life. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain to try.
Hugs
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I believe that there are times in our life that we need to sit back rethink our path, our direction in life. Reacting is a real easy trap to fall into, I was real good at it, the only problem was...it was real bad for me. I became a reactionary mess. I had no clearcut plan, no positive direction, I was like a jumping bean, do this, do that, put out this fire, react and so on.
Have you considered who/where you want to be in 5-7 years and how you are going to get there?
Your ABF and you have only been together for 9 months, you were totally clean for 6 years, when you hooked up with him, you picked up the weed again. He has been in rehab twice in less than a year, he has a serious problem, do you really need to make it your problem? Is he really the right person for you and most important your children? What does he have to offer you in the long run? How is he going to earn a living? Playing the piano in church isn't going to cut it.
You sound like a nice young person,who wants a better life. Now might be the time to ask yourself the hard questions, to start planning for tomorrow. My father always said "If you don't have a plan, you plan to fail",might be some truth in those words.
Keep those meetings up, talk to your sponsor, talk to your preacher at church, do whatever it takes to get healthy, set a good example for your children, you are their voice, their future.
When I was young there were no support groups like this, no one I ever knew went to any AA groups, therapy was unheard of.. there really was nothing available, today, we have it all! It is a gift that we all need to take advantage of!
Sending support your way....as always, take what you want and leave the rest.
Have you considered who/where you want to be in 5-7 years and how you are going to get there?
Your ABF and you have only been together for 9 months, you were totally clean for 6 years, when you hooked up with him, you picked up the weed again. He has been in rehab twice in less than a year, he has a serious problem, do you really need to make it your problem? Is he really the right person for you and most important your children? What does he have to offer you in the long run? How is he going to earn a living? Playing the piano in church isn't going to cut it.
You sound like a nice young person,who wants a better life. Now might be the time to ask yourself the hard questions, to start planning for tomorrow. My father always said "If you don't have a plan, you plan to fail",might be some truth in those words.
Keep those meetings up, talk to your sponsor, talk to your preacher at church, do whatever it takes to get healthy, set a good example for your children, you are their voice, their future.
When I was young there were no support groups like this, no one I ever knew went to any AA groups, therapy was unheard of.. there really was nothing available, today, we have it all! It is a gift that we all need to take advantage of!
Sending support your way....as always, take what you want and leave the rest.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
So many things ring true dolly. Im so glad you choose to be supportive. your ESH shines in your posts. I stuck by him because He has a lucrative income, and pays my sons medical bills to this day. It was enticing, not needing to worry about how to pay those kinds of bills while I work and go to school. I mean, where else was I going to get the 10 grand he has poured into DS treatment in these short months? Even more enticing that he accepts the fact that DS is ********, something even sober men run away from screaming.
He went in for 30 days and fell, and went back fairly quickly under no choice but his own. How many choose to never enter treatment? especially long term care? How many are actually willing to fight the fight?
meeting him has brought many blessings in my life. He is all but removed from it now. True that I used weed after meeting him, Im addicted to it. I see that now. It was only a matter of time because I wasn't in any program for it. I cant shake the feeling that my relapse was about me, not him. It happened the first time since I was 16 that I found myself alone. The first time I ever sat back in the mirror and really looked at me. The first time I only had God or weed to turn to, I was angry at god at the time and still am. My sons diagnosis was changed the Friday before. His brain scan came back... He's not autistic after all... the wiring just isn't there. Any and all hope I had for him is gone. The wiring just isn't there. He will be 12 months old FOREVER. I was devastated. still am.
so how do I cope? what is my plan? To go to work, to finish school, to try to put DS on disability in this gutwrenched economy. To fight for his rights in school. The public school system is a joke when it comes to special ed. work with the psychiatrist and avoid the addictive medications they keep shoving at me. Last thing I need is for my son to be an addict. He already has a genetic predisposition. It may seem hard to believe, but my world revolves around him. It has to.
As for the addict? Im an addict too. I don't have unrealistic expectations. I am happy to see this young man every other week for a few hours for bible study and meetings. He led me into treatment, for that I will forever be grateful to him.
in the event he relapses. then, no contact. whatsoever. not even 6 hours a month while in treatment. I will be done. He has finished 4 years of bible college and this addiction stands between him and going into ministry. He cannot be ordained without some legit sober time. He wants it. bad. He feels it is his calling.
As I ruminate on all of these things I remember the 3rd proverb. I can't lean on my own understanding. My HP will guide me. I can't build my life out of sand, it will only get washed away if I do. My dream of course is to fully recover from these afflictions, to wake up one day and see my son be healed, to have this friend of mine be sober, even if he only ever remains a friend. I also remember my favorite authors words "It does not do to dwell on dreams Harry, and forget to live."
He went in for 30 days and fell, and went back fairly quickly under no choice but his own. How many choose to never enter treatment? especially long term care? How many are actually willing to fight the fight?
meeting him has brought many blessings in my life. He is all but removed from it now. True that I used weed after meeting him, Im addicted to it. I see that now. It was only a matter of time because I wasn't in any program for it. I cant shake the feeling that my relapse was about me, not him. It happened the first time since I was 16 that I found myself alone. The first time I ever sat back in the mirror and really looked at me. The first time I only had God or weed to turn to, I was angry at god at the time and still am. My sons diagnosis was changed the Friday before. His brain scan came back... He's not autistic after all... the wiring just isn't there. Any and all hope I had for him is gone. The wiring just isn't there. He will be 12 months old FOREVER. I was devastated. still am.
so how do I cope? what is my plan? To go to work, to finish school, to try to put DS on disability in this gutwrenched economy. To fight for his rights in school. The public school system is a joke when it comes to special ed. work with the psychiatrist and avoid the addictive medications they keep shoving at me. Last thing I need is for my son to be an addict. He already has a genetic predisposition. It may seem hard to believe, but my world revolves around him. It has to.
As for the addict? Im an addict too. I don't have unrealistic expectations. I am happy to see this young man every other week for a few hours for bible study and meetings. He led me into treatment, for that I will forever be grateful to him.
in the event he relapses. then, no contact. whatsoever. not even 6 hours a month while in treatment. I will be done. He has finished 4 years of bible college and this addiction stands between him and going into ministry. He cannot be ordained without some legit sober time. He wants it. bad. He feels it is his calling.
As I ruminate on all of these things I remember the 3rd proverb. I can't lean on my own understanding. My HP will guide me. I can't build my life out of sand, it will only get washed away if I do. My dream of course is to fully recover from these afflictions, to wake up one day and see my son be healed, to have this friend of mine be sober, even if he only ever remains a friend. I also remember my favorite authors words "It does not do to dwell on dreams Harry, and forget to live."
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
"As I ruminate on all of these things I remember the 3rd proverb. I can't lean on my own understanding. My HP will guide me. I can't build my life out of sand, it will only get washed away if I do. My dream of course is to fully recover from these afflictions, to wake up one day and see my son be healed, to have this friend of mine be sober, even if he only ever remains a friend. I also remember my favorite authors words "It does not do to dwell on dreams Harry, and forget to live."
So very true, your HP will guide you.
So very true, your HP will guide you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
