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Need someone to tell me I did the right thing

Old 02-19-2013, 04:04 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Dear LostGirl, you must realize that the man whom you love and cherish is NOT the person who is committing robberies. That person is the addict. My son is my addict, and we pressed charges against him for stealing 11,000.00 of jewelry and cash twice! And you know what? If we hadn't pressed charges, I am 100% certain he would be dead by now. Thankfully, he served his time and willingly (almost with joy) is inpatient rehab. You see, he ran around for 5 months without a roof over his head and God knows who and what he was doing. He didn't have any safety net and the bottom was ugly. Going to jail was actually the thing that allowed him to be sane and sober enough to kick the physical addiction to Heroin. You need to let him go and let him be ACCOUNTABLE for those terrible actions. I shudder to think of what crimes my son did while he was in the throes of addiction! Addicts have no remorse and no feeling for others. The only thing that matters THE ONLY THING is the drug. Let your man deal with these consequences as it may be what saves his life!
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Old 02-19-2013, 05:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Justfor1 View Post
IMO armed robbery is a crime that deserves prison not treatment. When an addict steps into that area he/she is too dangerous for society to roam around in. I usually notice that these folks tend to target defenseless victims. After they get caught stealing from family members they move on to other "easy targets". Why not rob the local drug dealer?
Yup. Crack and Meth addicts financially cannibalize family members and friends with lies and schemes before moving on to strangers. I remember
a certain mailman that was hooked on crack. He would go from one house to another with variations of a story that his mail truck was broken or out of gas and he needed to get to his wife who was in some sort of crisis.
His bro-in-law was tired of his shenanigans. He was a cop. He cuffed him
to the back of a police car and drug him about a half mile. It had some positive impact...he quit the crack almost 20 years ago and gives speeches at AA/NA meetings. He is a fully productive member of society again.
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Old 02-20-2013, 06:22 AM
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ok so another thing. i have found these little wax bags all over the place in our apt. with stamps on them. some say north face. i cant think of the other things they said. but i have found ALOT of them. my friend told me that was heroin. is that all that comes in these little wax baggies??? ive never seen these before!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i have found so many of them. the cops told me my fiance was also arrested for possession of heroin. i found a letter that said he needed a lawyer for his charge of possession of CDS. controlled dangerous substance is what i looked it up to be. wtf!! he told me last week that he was hit by a car but i assume now that was when he was arrested!! he had his shoelaces taken and he told me the hospital had to cut them off but it must have been when he was taken to jail. how are things so messed up!! is that what he was doing?? heroin?? thank you for this sight. i feel a little better taken out my frustration here. everything is insane right now!!!!!! i cant believe this is real life!!!!!
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Old 02-20-2013, 06:49 AM
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Old 02-20-2013, 08:37 AM
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heroin comes in small balloon type bags or what you may have seen is the plastic casing from the cigarettes. My son would leave these baggies everywhere. He said he was going through 3-5 bags a day at his worst. I think once they use the heroin, they are not in the state of mind to remember to throw the bag away or try to hide what they are doing. If you find small pieces of cotton and or hard black substance, then heroin is definitely in the picture. Also, look for loose rubber bands (used as tourniquets) and any charred bottle caps or twist off caps. Heroin is an evil beast and the best option really is to let your boyfriend stay in jail where at least he can detox.
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Old 02-20-2013, 09:54 AM
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Dear lostgirll,
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I have been exactly where you are now. I will tell you from first hand experience that my XA-Fiance was a heroin addict and the way I caught him was from finding the little blue wax baggies with different stamps on them. one of which was north face. As soon as i found those baggies I knew he was using again. I have been on this site since July of 2012 and I have found it to be my saving grace. I havent posted much on here but I come and read posts and stickies everyday, it was what helped me to finally put an end to the situation I was in. My ex has been a heroin user for over 15 years. He was in prison for 8 years for robbing banks to support his habit. Those 8 years and 2 years after he was released was his only time sober. He began using again over 2 years ago. It got so bad that he started stealing money from his father, I found this out over a month ago and that was when I decided to finally end the relationship. He ended up stealing a total of over $4,000, in a matter of 6 months. It is an evil disease and until your boyfriend hits his bottom and figures out he needs help he will just destroy you along with himself. I just hope you figure out what you need to do, and do what is best for YOU. I've learned and am still learning that I can't help him, he needs to help himself. And the only way for ME to help myself is to go NC, and heal and move on. I wish you the best, believe me I know how bad this sucks. Best of luck to you.

Hugs!!!
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Old 02-20-2013, 09:55 AM
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Over the years I've found I cannot listen to my heart in matters such as these. When I use my head and not my emotion the truth is always apparent.

This sounds like an untenable and difficult position to be in.

The truth WILL set you free, but it is a painful journey to find the courage to open your eyes sometimes.

Sending a prayer your way.
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Old 02-20-2013, 10:18 AM
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FYI, heroin in some parts of the country can be snorted. It is the white kind of heroin and more powerful. You will not find the needles, cooking spoon ect... because the high can be achieved through the nose. It's a common believe that this is not as addictive as "shooting" it. It may be, however, it is still addictive & one can overdose on it snoring or "chipping". Just thought I'd share that because some people don't know. Heroin is making a comeback in this country.
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Old 02-27-2013, 08:30 PM
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Thank you all for your responses. He is still in jail and his bail been raised to a point where I don't think anyone could get him out. I have talked to him twice for maybe 10 mins total and it cost me $50 so I can't even afford to talk to him really. Just received two letters from him today. What he says is all over the place and it really just so much to handle. I'm just trying to keep myself in order and figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. It's just so much to all take in. Again though thank you do much for all your responses. I really do appreciate it all.
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Old 02-27-2013, 08:31 PM
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I told him exactly what I said to the police so I'm glad that's been told already too.
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Old 02-28-2013, 08:32 PM
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Should I start a new post or can I add to this? I find it hard to know what to do now. His parents ask me if he would have a place to stay still if he got out. I don't know what to say. My fiancÚ writes me and just wants to know if I have his ring on. His letters make me so sad but I am so angry at the same time. Is it ever the right reason to stay?? I don't want to go through life always dealing with this but I always can picture that perfect life with him his niece who I love so much asked me if we were still together and even that just breaks my heart
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Old 03-01-2013, 12:19 PM
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The sad reality is you WILL go through life dealing with this. There is no "magic" cure. He was always be an addict. It is up to him wheather he is a recovering one or not. I have no faith in addicts anymore, I couldn't spend the rest of my life waiting for a relapse. I know myself well enough to know that is what I would do. I would never have trust again. I would always be suspicious. It just is not the kind of life I want to lead. You say you can picture the perfect life with him?? What the heck has he done to give you that impression??
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Old 03-01-2013, 12:43 PM
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Hell yes u did the right thing! He probably won't agree but going out and robbing people is illegal. Lol. Regardless of reasons. Addicts never make good criminals. Too wasted or fiending. Try not to feel bad. New behaviour always feels wrong and if u've enabled him for years and years, trying something different will be painful and feel wrong. X
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Old 03-01-2013, 01:09 PM
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Welcome, lostgirll. I think you did the right thing, being honest with the police and with your addicted fiancÚ. He needs to grow up and handle this himself, and I think you need to be able to get your life back. If his parents are not willing to take him in themselves, it certainly is not your responsibility to do so. You will actually be doing all of them a favor, believe it or not, if you walk away. Until you do, they will all keep dumping on you and refusing to deal with their own problems. Staying will not make things better for anyone.
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