February13

My ex has been clean for a few weeks but very depressed. He has mentioned suicide a few times which he used to do when he was using, apparently to try and control me, but it seems like he has more of a plan now. He told me I didn't have to worry about finding him dead, that he was going to check into a hotel to do it. He would say "in a few days" or "next week".
I have been very freaked out. I kept checking on him and trying to encourage him to hold on... Then I would feel confident for a few days
that he would be ok and then start freaking out,check on him, hear him say it again. I told people they told me to call 911. I just couldn't do it.I don't even know why. I guess partly cause I knew he would be angry and always said he would refuse to go if I did call them. Today I was talking to a lady who seeing how worried I was and yet unwilling to call 911 proposed I should talk to his doctor.
I went to his doctor's office (a tiny office by himself) and they told me to leave a note so I wrote it all out. I don't know if they called 911 or if they will. I don't know if they might just call him?
I feel like a huge weight was lifted from me...unless they don't do anything I guess.
I had been going mad. Pretty similar to pre-Alanon.

Any idea what the doctor's office might do?

pianogirl1193

I honestly have no idea what they will do but I'm really glad you did that. It must have been hard, but you did the right thing. Keep us updated...hang in there. Will pray for you and your ex.

dollydo

I don't know what the doctor will do. I do know that all this drama could have been avoided if you would have just called 911. They are master manipulators, for some it is just a game. Many times just for attention. I do believe that to be sure, one way or another, 911 should be called.

My ex threatoned suicide once, I called 911, they went to his house, he was there eating cookies and watching the history channel...so much for that, he never pulled that on me again, as he knew I would call 911. 6 years later, he is still alive and from what I understand...still using...now it's pain pills.

So what if he gets mad at you, why are you so worried about that? He is your ex....right?
Don't let him keep sucking you into his madness, all you are doing is upsetting yourself...for no reason.

Call 911 and go no contact.

lightseeker

the madness stops whenever you chose for it to......

Everytime I have "bought into the madness" I really have to look at what choices I can make to stop my own "madness".

If someone - anyone - calls me and talks about suicide then 100% of the time I am going to call 911. I don't have the training or the discernment to determine whether they mean it or not. If they should get mad at me for calling 911 then all the better - I won't be the person they call next time when they want to upset someone.

When I left my ex I struggled to remain "no contact". I was addicted to the drama and the angst and the chaos. I wanted to believe that I wasn't - but I really was. I had to go through my own withdrawal when I finally did go "no contact".

And guess what? My ex has done just fine without me. No telling who he has found to be his new recepient. It's easy to believe that we are somehow helpful or responsible for them still. I always ask myself "what am I getting out of this by continuing to participate in this drama." Maybe that is a good question to ask yourself.

tjp613

BTW, if you call 911 on a suicide call, the 'patient' doesn't get to choose whether or not to go. The police are there to make sure he does go. He'll spend 3 days in the psych ward then they'll let him go if he's stable. It's amazing how stable they get .....quickly!!

February13

Clean or not my ex is very ill.
He has severe emphysema and his lungs are in very bad shape.
I had to take him to the ER about a month ago,pushing him in a wheelchair through
the hospital...
I am very happy that he is giving sobriety another chance though I have to say I almost
expect him to relapse...
I was just looking up some info on emphysema and for people who have numbers as low as his it says that 50% are dead 4 years after the diagnosis.
He had been clean for 10 years prior to this diagnosis.

bluebelle

It is best to call 911 and let the professionals handle it.

supportforme

I know this is hard. Unfortunately, only you can decide what is right for you. I will tell you that in the past I wasn't ready and I allowed the craziness and manipulation to rip me and my sanity apart. My ex used to threaten suicide and was extremely depressed - I finally started getting healthier and called 911 - he hasn't threatened suicide in years. He's still abusing - His fate is in his and God's hands and there's nothing I can do to change it. You will know when your ready.

allforcnm

Having a serious chronic illness is enough to bring on the depression. Then add in the addiction/recovery issues and must be a thin line he walks trying to stay positive. I think you are showing him compassion, and despite the break up; he is still the father of your child, so it is understandable that your still in his life. Only you can determine how to find a healthy balance with all that you are juggling. Its great for others to share their experiences, but you are the only one that knows what will put peace in your heart regarding the situation.
I dont know what the doctor might do, but it was a good idea to speak with him regarding the situation. My husband has never used suicide comments; to me that only comes from a very troubled mind. One that is unpredictable... I would call 911 in the future if need be. I would also encourage him to work with his doctor in more depth regarding the depression. There are options available for him if he is willing to try. Take care of yourself and your little one. If i recall she is just a year older than my son. I know she wants her mom to be happy

dollydo

Focus on you and your child. Have you read Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie? Might be a good starting point and keep up those meetings.

Anaya

Hello, February13. I'm sorry for the pain you're experiencing. It's very hard to watch a loved one languish and suffer.

Have you heard from the doctor's office since?

Personally, I have called for help (crisis intervention, local police, among others) many times in the past when my son was in the midst of crises and threatened suicide. We just couldn't do it alone anymore, speaking as a parent of (at that time) a dependent teen.

I'd just like to offer prayers for you for strength and peace of mind. Let us know how all goes.