I am outta here!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Massachusetts (south shore)
Posts: 125
I am outta here!
I am pulling a "Katie Holmes" on Friday...and moving out...and he doesn't know. I am so scared for my new life, but so happy that I am moving on to a new and healthier ME!!! When he comes home...things will be gone, including me!
I am one courageous woman!!!
I am one courageous woman!!!
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 98
Originally Posted by horriblethisis 
I am pulling a "Katie Holmes" on Friday...and moving out...and he doesn't know. I am so scared for my new life, but so happy that I am moving on to a new and healthier ME!!! When he comes home...things will be gone, including me! I am one courageous woman!!!
I am one courageous woman!!!Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Massachusetts (south shore)
Posts: 125
He is a man with an advanced addictive disease who is in recovery again...but has not lived a sober life in many years. He is a financial and legal high-risk partner for me. He is a pathological liar, and when it just got to the point where I felt like I could trust him, he let me down again...every damn time I let down my guard...he lies, and lies...and lies again. I am mentally drained and need to take care of myself for once. Twenty five years of marriage, and my time has come to let go of the enabling and everything that goes along with these horrible times. I have to do it for MY recovery.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 168
Originally Posted by horriblethisis
He is a man with an advanced addictive disease who is in recovery again...but has not lived a sober life in many years. He is a financial and legal high-risk partner for me. He is a pathological liar, and when it just got to the point where I felt like I could trust him, he let me down again...every damn time I let down my guard...he lies, and lies...and lies again. I am mentally drained and need to take care of myself for once. Twenty five years of marriage, and my time has come to let go of the enabling and everything that goes along with these horrible times. I have to do it for MY recovery.
I commend your actions as they are what is best for you. Its going to be hard and there are times you MAY wish you never left him I say that he is not your responsibility and you are doing whats best for you and you are entitled to be happy in whicheve way makes you happy. Best of luck..
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 50
WOW! That is awesome. I am a recovering from addiction as well as codependency, and I feel like I need to share a (short) story from my day in response to your thread.
This evening I attended an AA meeting, in which we read from the book, Alcoholics Anonymous. The chapter was "To Wives", which historically has been my least favorite chapter in the book (it is actually the al-anon chapter). First off, it was amazing - today it clicked. It was exactly what I needed to hear; I felt like I was reading it for the first time. In a way, perhaps I was - the first time I was ready to read it with an open mind and an ability to apply it to myself (thank you HP!)
A man who now has many years of sobriety shared about his experience of being left, suddenly, by his ex wife when he was drinking. He had been dry for 15 years and began drinking again while they were married. One night, when stopping at the bar, he called to say he was "coming home late from work". When he got home an hour later, she and the kids were gone. Just like that.
He shared that leaving in that way was the best possible thing she could have done, for herself, the children, and for him. He was on the beginning of a huge run, and she protected herself, and their children, from having to
bear witness to it. He proceeded to drink incredibly heavily for a while, to the point of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization, and then ended up getting sober. He said, "I have profound respect for that woman, for protecting herself and our family when I was unable to do so".
This is not to say that by leaving him, you'll inspire him to get sober - that is between him and God and there is nothing any of us can do to speed up the process. The point is, you are doing what is right for you!!! Your strength and courage is inspiring to me. Thank you for sharing and I wish you nothing but the absolute best.
This evening I attended an AA meeting, in which we read from the book, Alcoholics Anonymous. The chapter was "To Wives", which historically has been my least favorite chapter in the book (it is actually the al-anon chapter). First off, it was amazing - today it clicked. It was exactly what I needed to hear; I felt like I was reading it for the first time. In a way, perhaps I was - the first time I was ready to read it with an open mind and an ability to apply it to myself (thank you HP!)
A man who now has many years of sobriety shared about his experience of being left, suddenly, by his ex wife when he was drinking. He had been dry for 15 years and began drinking again while they were married. One night, when stopping at the bar, he called to say he was "coming home late from work". When he got home an hour later, she and the kids were gone. Just like that.
He shared that leaving in that way was the best possible thing she could have done, for herself, the children, and for him. He was on the beginning of a huge run, and she protected herself, and their children, from having to
bear witness to it. He proceeded to drink incredibly heavily for a while, to the point of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization, and then ended up getting sober. He said, "I have profound respect for that woman, for protecting herself and our family when I was unable to do so".
This is not to say that by leaving him, you'll inspire him to get sober - that is between him and God and there is nothing any of us can do to speed up the process. The point is, you are doing what is right for you!!! Your strength and courage is inspiring to me. Thank you for sharing and I wish you nothing but the absolute best.
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
Congratulations :-)!!! It takes a lot of courage and strength to leave a marriage... Yes you will have some very emotional days but look pain right in the eye and punch it in the face..
Continue working on you and posting here.. I think that you are going to find that life is going to be so much more peaceful and sweet once you get through the muck... At least that has been the case for me...
Continue working on you and posting here.. I think that you are going to find that life is going to be so much more peaceful and sweet once you get through the muck... At least that has been the case for me...
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Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
good for you - it takes a lot of courage to do this. I did the same 20 months ago. It has been challenging but I'm grateful to live away from the chaos, drama, lies, and manipulation. I second guessed myself from time to time but am so happy to have stayed the course.
Good for you!
Good for you!
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow
It just feels so wrong to encourage someone to leave their marriage but boy, addiction can really change that!!! 
And I have hope that losing a beloved spouse can help them to see the path of destruction they are on and perhaps be the impetus they need to seek recovery.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 14
YAY!!! Congratulations!!! I know the feeling, I moved out when my ex was on a bender in Vegas for a long weekend. Moron lost his passport while under the influence which provided me a few extra days to keep packing and get the H outta there. It's been four months and I've never looked back. I'm so proud of you! Courage indeed. Stay strong and there is light at the end of the tunnel xo
xo
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