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newly abandoned by spouse who is an addict

Old 02-10-2013, 10:15 PM
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jkh
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newly abandoned by spouse who is an addict

Hello to all. I first would like to offer prayers of hope and strength to all who are going through these struggles. Less than two weeks ago, my world fell apart. In a matter of a few days it was revealed to me that my husband of twenty years has been leading a double life. He has been living with another family, has gotten involved in heavy drug usage and gambling, and has committed theft, forgery, and fraud. He left myself and my children financially destitute and emotionally destroyed. He has abandoned the family that everyone dreams of, a loving, intelligent, and committed wife and two beautiful, talented, and loving children. The woman he has turned to is disgusting and obviously supplying him. My heart breaks for the children in her home. I am forced to file for divorce to protect my daughter from him. My son is 18 and his father won't even talk to him. He took money from his own son's bank account and acts as if it is my son who is the one who is guilty.

He has admitted to prescription med addiction but all signs are pointing to a meth addiction as well. Who is this stranger that has invaded my husband's body? It's like he died.... I am trying so hard to be strong for my children but I don't know how we will ever make it through this.
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Old 02-10-2013, 10:32 PM
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welcome jkh, so sorry for the hard times. you've come to a good place here, though. a lot of folks here have been through the same type of thing & will be glad to share their experience strength & hope with you.

Read around a bit and you will find posts that speak to you, and more responses to your post will start coming in soon

God bless
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Old 02-10-2013, 11:07 PM
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Welcome to Sober Recovery, JKH. So glad you found this place. You will find so many supportive and compassionate people here that have found themselves in similar baffling and painful circumstances and who are surviving and even thriving despite it all.

Please read the sticky posts at the top of the friends and family forum to get started. Reading other threads here can be a source of great strength, too.

I'm going to say a prayer for you and your family now.

Peace,
Hanna
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Old 02-11-2013, 08:11 AM
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Welcome to SR....but I am so very sorry for the reasons that bring you here.

Right now you are in crisis mode and that is certainly understandable. There are some things you can do to help yourself and your children. Counseling would be helpful. Any support group would be helpful. At this point focusing your attention and energy toward keeping yourself and the children psychologically healthy is priority one.

Addiction steals the people we love. It's a very cunning and baffling disease.

Stick around, work through your grief here, ask questions.....you will survive this....but the goal at this point should be survival with the least amount of damage as possible.

You are not alone......

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 02-11-2013, 08:38 AM
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Welcome to Sober Recovery. I am so glad that you have found us, but so so sorry
for the reasons that you had to!

As suggested all ready, check out the 'stickys' at the top of this forum (those are
the threads that show a 'lock' on them) as there is a lot of information in those that
can help you.

Possibly some Alanon or Naranon meetings for you and some Alateen meetings
for your daughter (if she is 11 or older) or some counseling for all of you is in order
to help you all get through these devastating events. And you will and can get
through this!!!!

Check this out for a list of AlAnon meetings in your state:

http://www.missouri-al-anon.org/

Many of us on here have had to go through what you are going through in one way
or another and we do understand!

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much.

Feel free to vent, rant, rave, scream, cry and yes even laugh as much as you need to
we do understand.

Sending healing thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Lots of love and bunches of hugs,
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Old 02-11-2013, 10:26 AM
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Originally Posted by jkh View Post
Hello to all. I first would like to offer prayers of hope and strength to all who are going through these struggles. Less than two weeks ago, my world fell apart. In a matter of a few days it was revealed to me that my husband of twenty years has been leading a double life. He has been living with another family, has gotten involved in heavy drug usage and gambling, and has committed theft, forgery, and fraud. He left myself and my children financially destitute and emotionally destroyed. He has abandoned the family that everyone dreams of, a loving, intelligent, and committed wife and two beautiful, talented, and loving children. The woman he has turned to is disgusting and obviously supplying him. My heart breaks for the children in her home. I am forced to file for divorce to protect my daughter from him. My son is 18 and his father won't even talk to him. He took money from his own son's bank account and acts as if it is my son who is the one who is guilty.

He has admitted to prescription med addiction but all signs are pointing to a meth addiction as well. Who is this stranger that has invaded my husband's body? It's like he died.... I am trying so hard to be strong for my children but I don't know how we will ever make it through this.
Welcome to the Board.

Reading this story breaks my heart on a number of levels. No one should ever have to endure betrayal on this scale. But unfortunately, when it comes to addicts, nothing surprises me much anymore. You ask who is the stranger invading your husband's body. There is no stranger; this is your husband, uninhibited, unbridled, unhinged.

You will have challenges over these next several months as you proceed with the divorce. My message to you is one of hope and one of support. While you cannot change what has happened, you can affect what becomes of your future and the future of your children. And the best way to get off to a strong start is to know exactly what it is you're dealing with, and that is a very, very sick man who cares nothing about the carnage left in his wake. There can be no denial about this. You need to make your best decisions based on what you know to be true. And your children need to be protected at all costs from this moment forward.

I would be prepared for when your husband begs you to either save the marriage or see your children. Remember, if his lips are moving, he's lying. He will do or say anything to get his way. Count on it.

Read as many of the posts and sticky notes as you can, and please keep us posted as to how you're doing.

Best,
ZoSo
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Old 02-11-2013, 05:55 PM
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So sad. I feel your pain. My xah abandoned me, a stay at home mom and his 2 year old son on mothers day weekend. He left us for some ***** and drugs. I am sure she was supplying him as well. I was with him for 16 years. He was my one and only. I had no idea he was doing cocaine, nor having a relationship with another disgusting woman. It is shocking. You are more than welcome to read my past posts. We were divorced in 2 months. He defaulted. We haven't seen him in months.

SR is wonderful. Without this site, I would not be where I am today. 2 years later and I still miss and love him, but I am in a good place.

After I accepted there was no way I could help him, I moved on and let go. He is getting worse. I started working again and love my job. I have surrounded myself with new friends. I have moved further south (just a little). I have begun a healthy new life for me and my son. There is nothing you can do. That is the hardest lesson. I still love my x, but I have no idea who he is anymore. He has turned into an addict. I have dreams that one day he will come back into our life sober, but until this happens I have no room in my life for an addict. They cause NOTHING but pain and destruction.

I wish you and your family the best. Stick together and be there for each other. Read and educate yourself about addicts...they pretty much are all the same. Get help and try out some meetings. Stay strong.You can get through this. You will get through this.
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