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Should I let go?

Old 02-10-2013, 12:57 AM
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Should I let go?

Okay, I have never really been on a forum but I'll give this a shot.
My friend who was once my girlfriend is now a substance abuser. She abuses oxy and all sorts of other things. She suffers from Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalga. I can see why she uses her medication because she needed it to numb the pain. But then things really began to change as she started getting hooked on the oxy and stuff. She's been in rehab twice now for her drug addiction and doesn't feel "ready" to stop just yet. I don't want her to hit rock bottom but I guess that's what it will take. Her liver is already damaged from all the medication she has been taking and she has now moved to snorting them. She can't function without her oxy and gets very agitated and violent without it. She also used an electronic cigarette to help herself wane off the medications. But now she is smoking actual cigarettes. It wasn't until recently when I realized that she has been using me, but I tell myself she isn't. (May just be the fact that I still have feelings for her). She saves her money and asks me to buy her medications and recently her cigarettes. She's been staying with some guy she met and lied to me about that. She expects me to drive her all over the place and only speaks to me when she needs money or so. I'm not typing too well so excuse, my typo's. I don't know if I should just cut her out of my life or continue to stay. I hate being lied to and used but I feel that if I walk out on here she'll get much worse. Please help
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Old 02-10-2013, 05:30 AM
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Ann
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Welcome to SR, I'm glad you found us.

It sounds to me like she is using you to get what drugs she needs. She may be legitimately sick, but there are non addictive medications she can get if she works with her doctor in an honest and patient way. I know many people with legitimate pain who handle it well without addiction.

You may think that what you are doing is helping her, but sadly, most of us have done what you are doing out of love and caring for someone and found that love cannot save them, if it could not one of us would be here.

It is entirely up to you, but it might be good to just let go and step back before you get any deeper into this.

Take a good read around and you will see that having a front row seat to anyone's addiction is a bad place to be.

Hugs
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Old 02-10-2013, 09:37 AM
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Welcome to SR Robohamster.

Reading here about others experiences will help you decide what to do.
In your shoes I would definitely walk away but it took me a long time to get to that place.

I heard that addicts spend all their time trying to experience that same exhilarating high they got the first time they used and it hit home with me. I sometimes think people that can't let go of painful relationships are doing the same thing, trying to get back to those wonderful feelings they once had with their loved one. Those feeling give us such a high that we can't let go or accept when they are gone for good. It is the only way I can understand how we could waste so much time being mistreated and in pain.

You are precious. Your life is precious. Whatever the reason, she is not treating you as you deserve. Every moment you spend with her is wasted. It is not good for either of you and you are keeping good things from happening in your life. What she is doing is so wrong, but you allowing it is even worse. You owe yourself more.

Peace and please stick around.

Hanna
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Old 02-10-2013, 10:04 AM
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Originally Posted by ROBOhamster View Post
Okay, I have never really been on a forum but I'll give this a shot.
My friend who was once my girlfriend is now a substance abuser. She abuses oxy and all sorts of other things. She suffers from Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalga. I can see why she uses her medication because she needed it to numb the pain. But then things really began to change as she started getting hooked on the oxy and stuff. She's been in rehab twice now for her drug addiction and doesn't feel "ready" to stop just yet. I don't want her to hit rock bottom but I guess that's what it will take. Her liver is already damaged from all the medication she has been taking and she has now moved to snorting them. She can't function without her oxy and gets very agitated and violent without it. She also used an electronic cigarette to help herself wane off the medications. But now she is smoking actual cigarettes. It wasn't until recently when I realized that she has been using me, but I tell myself she isn't. (May just be the fact that I still have feelings for her). She saves her money and asks me to buy her medications and recently her cigarettes. She's been staying with some guy she met and lied to me about that. She expects me to drive her all over the place and only speaks to me when she needs money or so. I'm not typing too well so excuse, my typo's. I don't know if I should just cut her out of my life or continue to stay. I hate being lied to and used but I feel that if I walk out on here she'll get much worse. Please help
Welcome to the Board.

I empathize with where you're at. You probably feel like you're in a desperate situation. That said, you have a choice in all of this whether you realize it or not.

You've got your "friend" pegged. However, I can assure you it will make no difference to her whether you stay or leave. We like to think we have control over someone else's addiction, but we don't. But we do have control over our actions, our behavior, and our choices. What you have to do is ask yourself where your boundaries are, and if you're willing to allow a person in your life that tramples all over them. And I think, once you ask yourself that question and answer it honestly, then your course of action becomes pretty clear...

...provided your answer is indeed honest...

Stick around with us. Read and learn what you can. And let us know how you're doing.

Best,
ZoSo
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Old 02-10-2013, 10:15 AM
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Welcome to SR.....we often become as addicted to the addict as they are to their DOC.

It's sad to see someone we care about tumble to addiction even when they have legitimate reasons to take pain killers.

We are very big on self care around here. We learn that, although we cannot cure addiction, we can take care of ourselves.

Take care of you.

gentle hugs
ke
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