My boyfriends is addicted to Heroin
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by allthatsgood 
What does "load a tray mean"? I'm unfamiliar with this term.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by tjp613
You realize, of course, that since he has been using ever since you've been together that you really don't know him.....right? My son uses heroin to escape the emotional challenges in his life. He has the emotional maturity of a 14 year old. Take away the heroin and he's lost. He has no idea how to manage the ups and downs of every-day life without the crutch of drugs. He's a sweet, gentle guy but beyond that he is most definitely not the type of person I would choose for a life partner.
Just my $0.02.
Just my $0.02.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 30
Hi Sleepyskye. It's funny because when I joined soberrecovery about 9 months ago I was literally in the exact same boat as you...My boyfriend is a heroin addict as well. I tried to get help and read everything that people on here were saying to me and justified staying with my AB. I felt like these people on this website didn't know me or him so how do they know what's right?
Trust me, I, along with thousands upon thousands of other girls, have been where you are at right now. I was with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and until recently when things got so bad that he stole money from me (something I always told myself he would NEVER do to me.. despite stealing everything expensive from his entire family) and he was homeless on the streets of Chicago. This has been a journey. I wish I could go back and realize that by staying with him I was only hurting him and myself.
Trust me, if he isn't committing and wanting to get sober.. it is only going to get worse. I was like you, believing he could change and believing that because I love him my life would turn around and he would start to make changes and we would live happily ever after. (He is now back in detox for the second time in two weeks because he got out last week and relapsed and he is likely on his way to jail. I know this because I am very close with his family... haven't spoken to him in a few days though.)
Listen, do him and yourself a favor and be strong and walk away. It sounds mental but right now my coping mechanism for breaking up with my AB is thinking that my walking away will lead him to hit his rock bottom- finally! But as for now I'm detaching from him and if he doesn't hit rock bottom, hopefully by the time he does I will be as detached from him as possible- it is not fun to watch the person you love kill themselves...
If he changes his life, I would love to be with him but I can't bank on that. I've been doing that for two years and it's left me miserable, worried, and alone.
You should get yourself help and figure out why you can't leave him. I know the feeling, and I went to intensive counseling for it. Finally I love and respect myself enough to know I don't need this in my life.
I have to stop you when you say that he's on his way to rock bottom and you're the only one keeping him afloat... THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING. You need to let him hit rock bottom. It is not your duty or your place to keep someone from hitting their rock bottom. Let him fall so he can be released of this addiction. As much as it may hurt.
This website has truly helped me. You should read some of the posts on the main page for "friends and family of alcoholics/addicts". They genuinely help you, and in turn help your loved one.
Best wishes. I'm here to talk.
Trust me, I, along with thousands upon thousands of other girls, have been where you are at right now. I was with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and until recently when things got so bad that he stole money from me (something I always told myself he would NEVER do to me.. despite stealing everything expensive from his entire family) and he was homeless on the streets of Chicago. This has been a journey. I wish I could go back and realize that by staying with him I was only hurting him and myself.
Trust me, if he isn't committing and wanting to get sober.. it is only going to get worse. I was like you, believing he could change and believing that because I love him my life would turn around and he would start to make changes and we would live happily ever after. (He is now back in detox for the second time in two weeks because he got out last week and relapsed and he is likely on his way to jail. I know this because I am very close with his family... haven't spoken to him in a few days though.)
Listen, do him and yourself a favor and be strong and walk away. It sounds mental but right now my coping mechanism for breaking up with my AB is thinking that my walking away will lead him to hit his rock bottom- finally! But as for now I'm detaching from him and if he doesn't hit rock bottom, hopefully by the time he does I will be as detached from him as possible- it is not fun to watch the person you love kill themselves...
If he changes his life, I would love to be with him but I can't bank on that. I've been doing that for two years and it's left me miserable, worried, and alone.
You should get yourself help and figure out why you can't leave him. I know the feeling, and I went to intensive counseling for it. Finally I love and respect myself enough to know I don't need this in my life.
I have to stop you when you say that he's on his way to rock bottom and you're the only one keeping him afloat... THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING. You need to let him hit rock bottom. It is not your duty or your place to keep someone from hitting their rock bottom. Let him fall so he can be released of this addiction. As much as it may hurt.
This website has truly helped me. You should read some of the posts on the main page for "friends and family of alcoholics/addicts". They genuinely help you, and in turn help your loved one.
Best wishes. I'm here to talk.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
In an insane codie moment I checked his whole body for trackmarks. I don't recommend it. Im just trying to say that I found them. In between toes and where the sun doesn't shine if you know what I mean, so just putting it out there... clean, pretty arms are not proof in the pudding. His dealer did under the tongue. All just to keep up appearences...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by Lily1918
In an insane codie moment I checked his whole body for trackmarks. I don't recommend it. Im just trying to say that I found them. In between toes and where the sun doesn't shine if you know what I mean, so just putting it out there... clean, pretty arms are not proof in the pudding. His dealer did under the tongue. All just to keep up appearences...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 17
I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years. A year ago he asked for help for his addiction. Turns out he started to take pills yearsand was a heavy drinker about 6 years ago. At first I thought he would get clean for "me" and that I could handle this. In the last year he has detoxed 3 times and went to 2 different rehabs for 30 days. I kept pushing through, but also pushing my feelings aside and not dealing with them. After he got home I went above and beyond buying everything he needed, helping him with bills, and even giving him gas money too. I thought I was helping him so he wouldn't have to worry about what may cause him "stress" since he was trying so hard in his recovery (or so I thought) a few months ago the odd behaviors started again......stories not lining up, him needing more money, him becoming distant. During this time I got just as sick! Trying to look for things, trying to sneak in his cell phone, and staying up all night with worry. If I called him and he didnt answer I would get sick to my stomach wondering where he was or what he was doing.
A few months ago I lost my grandma and during the funeral he was awful. He was leaving and most of the time he was no where to be found! I felt so alone. I was so mad and angry. After everything I stood by him for and he couldn't be there for me. So I decided to remove myself from the situation the last 2 months and I have learned so much.
I realized that he didn't need me! He is getting along just fine without me! I do not feel stress and anxiety. I have so much more money now too! I don't feel the need to lie or justify his actions and behaviors to myself or others.
I decided it was time to work on ME! I bought codependent no more as well as other books. I started counseling and working out. I started to go out with my friends and so things. All my bf wanted to was sit on the couch and not do anything. He didn't even want to go to to eat!
I love my bf so much and we have a long history together. But it makes me question if I really know who he is. It is possible that he could have used our whole relationship. When he came home from rehab the 2nd time he was so different. That first week was great! We talked, laughed and just had so much fun. I am wondering if that was him"clean and sober". But that didn't last long. It's so hard to walk away esp when you love this person so much. But I am thinking that I might need to walk away. Our relationship was so unhealthy and we were both sick! And the way I was living my life is really no way to live- sad, scared, angry, confused, and alone.
I know removing myself from that situation really helped me to realize a lot of thing. It was so hard to do, but I am so happy I did it.
Hang in there and visit this site often. It helped me so much!!!
A few months ago I lost my grandma and during the funeral he was awful. He was leaving and most of the time he was no where to be found! I felt so alone. I was so mad and angry. After everything I stood by him for and he couldn't be there for me. So I decided to remove myself from the situation the last 2 months and I have learned so much.
I realized that he didn't need me! He is getting along just fine without me! I do not feel stress and anxiety. I have so much more money now too! I don't feel the need to lie or justify his actions and behaviors to myself or others.
I decided it was time to work on ME! I bought codependent no more as well as other books. I started counseling and working out. I started to go out with my friends and so things. All my bf wanted to was sit on the couch and not do anything. He didn't even want to go to to eat!
I love my bf so much and we have a long history together. But it makes me question if I really know who he is. It is possible that he could have used our whole relationship. When he came home from rehab the 2nd time he was so different. That first week was great! We talked, laughed and just had so much fun. I am wondering if that was him"clean and sober". But that didn't last long. It's so hard to walk away esp when you love this person so much. But I am thinking that I might need to walk away. Our relationship was so unhealthy and we were both sick! And the way I was living my life is really no way to live- sad, scared, angry, confused, and alone.
I know removing myself from that situation really helped me to realize a lot of thing. It was so hard to do, but I am so happy I did it.
Hang in there and visit this site often. It helped me so much!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: WV
Posts: 83
Hi Sleepyskye,
My son is an addict who abuses anything he can get his hands on, heroin included. I've watched things progress with him over the last 6 years. He's said "Sure I take pills, but I'm in control, at least I don't snort them." Then it's "Ok, I've snorted pills, but I've never shot up with them, only junkie's do that." It just kept progressing until he caught Hep C from sharing a needle with his heroin dealer. If he keeps living his life this way, he won't see his 30th birthday. He says (with booze in hand) that when his liver starts shutting down from the Hep C, he says he'll just kill himself & be done with it.
Addicts don't care about us. We can love them all we want, but the disease is in control. It's amazing what you can get used to loving an addict. At one point, a month with no trips to the emergency room AND my son not robbing me of anything more than the cash in my wallet was a very good month. I don't know you or your bf, but I know the situation of loving an addict. All the help & money & assistance you give them out of love will be help & money & assistance they will use to get high.
It's easy to say "Get out while you can!!!" But if you stay & try to save him, you've got a lot of painful lessons that we who love addicts have learned (or not) the hard way. Good luck to you.
My son is an addict who abuses anything he can get his hands on, heroin included. I've watched things progress with him over the last 6 years. He's said "Sure I take pills, but I'm in control, at least I don't snort them." Then it's "Ok, I've snorted pills, but I've never shot up with them, only junkie's do that." It just kept progressing until he caught Hep C from sharing a needle with his heroin dealer. If he keeps living his life this way, he won't see his 30th birthday. He says (with booze in hand) that when his liver starts shutting down from the Hep C, he says he'll just kill himself & be done with it.
Addicts don't care about us. We can love them all we want, but the disease is in control. It's amazing what you can get used to loving an addict. At one point, a month with no trips to the emergency room AND my son not robbing me of anything more than the cash in my wallet was a very good month. I don't know you or your bf, but I know the situation of loving an addict. All the help & money & assistance you give them out of love will be help & money & assistance they will use to get high.
It's easy to say "Get out while you can!!!" But if you stay & try to save him, you've got a lot of painful lessons that we who love addicts have learned (or not) the hard way. Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 30
Someone once told me that the worst thing I could do for my heroin addict boyfriend was to "keep him afloat" from his rock bottom. THey will reach it when they reach it and you can't stand in the way of that because it's only hurting not helping 
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
