Did I Enable?
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
MeadowSis I realized in the last few years that it's common in our family to show love with money and things. It's odd because I don't feel loved just because someone gives me something and I am not terribly materialistic, but it was the primary way I tried to show it. We can still send them
a note saying we love them though, kwim?
a note saying we love them though, kwim?
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Savannah
Posts: 190
Thanks for all the advice! I decided against calling the girl. I decided to follow my gut instinct & the advice on here, so I threw the phone number away.
Meadowsis: Your brother sounds so much like mine. Your story a/b the carhart pants reminds me so much of what I went through when my brother was released from prison. My brother had about $250 when he was released & he purchased name brand tennis shoes & a name brand outfit. He had very little money left afterwards. I wonder if this behavior stems from low self esteem? Or, maybe being "cool" is part of the street life they are relating back to. I know to us their lives do not at all seem "cool," but I know my brother is still somewhat proud of his knowledge of the streets. That is all he has known since he was a teenager. I think for them to recovery, they have to learn to let that go and humble themseleves.
Meadowsis: Your brother sounds so much like mine. Your story a/b the carhart pants reminds me so much of what I went through when my brother was released from prison. My brother had about $250 when he was released & he purchased name brand tennis shoes & a name brand outfit. He had very little money left afterwards. I wonder if this behavior stems from low self esteem? Or, maybe being "cool" is part of the street life they are relating back to. I know to us their lives do not at all seem "cool," but I know my brother is still somewhat proud of his knowledge of the streets. That is all he has known since he was a teenager. I think for them to recovery, they have to learn to let that go and humble themseleves.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 88
Originally Posted by kthopkt 
Meadowsis: Your brother sounds so much like mine. Your story a/b the carhart pants reminds me so much of what I went through when my brother was released from prison. My brother had about $250 when he was released & he purchased name brand tennis shoes & a name brand outfit. He had very little money left afterwards. I wonder if this behavior stems from low self esteem? Or, maybe being "cool" is part of the street life they are relating back to. I know to us their lives do not at all seem "cool," but I know my brother is still somewhat proud of his knowledge of the streets. That is all he has known since he was a teenager. I think for them to recovery, they have to learn to let that go and humble themselves.
I wonder when it comes to money, it seems like he functions totally different with it now then prior to his addiction. Like he spends too freely when he has it, assumes he will bum some if he runs out, and worst case maybe shoplift (he has never admitted this of course). Almost like he sees money more as a never ending source now. Where as normal folks go "I got paid $1000 this week, that is all I have and all I can spend".
I do know in jail and work release, the guys seem relentless in their badgering and teasing. I have heard them on the phone in the jail calling my brother various nicknames. He mentioned he couldn't wear a particular T-shirt in work release because it shrunk so they labeled him. He is small and I think a bit self conscious already, things have definitely not improved with his addiction. He wants to be cool and part of the in crowd...in jail. Such a great crowd to want to be a part of.
If I thought beating him over the head would put some gratitude and sense in there, I would have shown up with a bat instead of a toothbrush and deodorant when he got released a month ago
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