Lara

Something I wanted to comment on when H relapsed a few months ago - and what frightened me when I was last in contact with him a month or so ago.... with this last relapse H funnily enough was not drinking nearly as much as he did in the past - and if he was using cocaine again (never saw it personally - he wouldn't have in front of me - as one boundary I stuck too - was no using in my company) - but he must have been as he admitted too it - and I know from his behaviour - but he was never 'out of it' like he was in during that dreadful October 2010.
The real shock (which forced me to go no-contact) was the mental and phsychological deterioration. Quite frightening. So all the advice was right - as Englishgarden warned me months ago - this disease is dangerously progressive.
I know this sounds ridiculous - but if somebody is clearly drunk out of their mind - or as high as a kite - you almost 'accept' certain weird behaviour. No matter how unacceptable - you 'blame' it on the drugs.
But the past few weeks before he was admitted again - it was FRIGHTENING to hear what he had to say... nothing made any sense... and he would lie when there was absolutely no need to lie.... and he couldn't explain a simple thing... couldn't even finish a sentence... with this recent relapse the phsychological damage far more evident than the physical.....

Taking5

Google up Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome to see where this could be really headed. Very sad indeed.

Justfor1

He could of reached the stage of advanced alcoholism. He could of reached "reverse tolerance" where the liver no longer can process alcohol. They will get extremely drunk after a few beers & become very confused.

Lara

I know I have stated on other threads that I have 'gone no contact'. But no contact for MY sanity and MY health. I just happened to post my recent thread (this thread) more as just sharing my experience with other members here on SR - as part of my healing.... but just having read the last two replies fills me with dread. I never thought of H's drinking as the primary concern - as always cocaine addiction was the greater concern... but he certainly is an alcoholic too... and I can't believe I didn't recognise the above symptoms. I pray for him it is not what we are discuccing here.... my dad was a very bad alcoholic and you could physically see Dad's ravaged body - and the beautiful mind which had deteriorated and the 'gate' which became his walk... he 'plodded' rather than walked....
But H still looks so good - he eats well.... but I can't ignore the deterioration in abililty to think reasonably, rationally. English is his second language - but still, I noticed the deterioration in his english vocabulary.... I pray the rehabiliation centre will pick it up....

dollydo

"But H still looks so good"

If he continues his path to destruction, that too will change, his good looks will be gone.

Taking5

Lara,

A lot of people think of alcohol as the lesser or evils when both alcohol and drugs are involved, usually because alcohol is still legal. The reality is alcohol is the single most dangerous drug out there, causing more health problems and deaths that the rest. Did you know, for example, that opiate withdrawal, while extremely painful, is almost never fatal? While fatalities from alcohol withdrawal are common, and untreated DTs (delirium tremens) have a mortality rate of up to 35%?

EverHopeful721

Thank you for this reminder, DollyDo. It's one of the things that I'm hung up on about him, that he's SO good-looking and SO beautiful...I'm afraid I won't ever find someone whose looks I'm attracted to as much as his (not to sound superficial, lol). But you're right, and I've heard it from other people, too. That with the way he's living his life, putting such harmful substances in his body, his looks will not last very long. My friend noticed a difference in his appearance from a picture taken a year ago and one of him from this past December and she said he doesn't look as healthy, that you can tell from his face that he's lost weight, his eyes seem glassy with dark shadows underneath, that he just overall looks different and not in a good way.

AnvilheadII

how pretty are his INSIDES? cuz cute only goes so far....

EverHopeful721

Ahhh, there you go again, anvilheadII, making me laugh when I least expect it. Do you mean how pretty are his insides, like because who he is inside as a person obviously isn't as pretty as his outside shell? Or because of the damage the drugs, alcohol and cigarettes have done to his internal organs? Or both?? LOL! Either way, you've made an excellent point because I'm sure neither one is very pretty!!

AnvilheadII

I meant the person he is inside...which does not change or depend upon his outsides. morals, ethics, dreams, beliefs, actions. how does he treat the planet? and....how does he treat YOU? consistently, not sporadically.

EverHopeful721

You know, you brought up something interesting that my mom just reminded me of tonight....

One time when I was at his house a year ago, he made a point of telling me that he wanted me to know that he saved a spider in his basement that day, that he could have killed it but didn't. I don't know WHY he told me that, but then again, this was back when we actually used to TALK and share and laugh about stuff. And of course, I thought, awww, he's such a good person, saving a spider instead of killing it, he's got such a good heart. And my mom pointed out today, yeah, he has more feelings for a spider than he does for you, for an actual person who's got such a good heart. He didn't want to hurt the spider, but had no problem squashing you. And I must admit, the more I think about it, the more it baffles me....you'd think that that shows that he really IS a good person and that maybe there's something deeper to him and that he had a reason for treating me the way he did. And he even told me around the same time as the spider story that there's this older man at the bar who gets so drunk that he sometimes has 'accidents' and everyone at the bar makes fun of him, and that he felt so bad for him that night at the bar because he reminded him of his deceased dad, that he almost started crying and had to leave the bar (and then promptly came home and called me). And that's what has me going CRAZY, because when he shared those things with me, I felt such overwhelming love for him and felt sure that this man had such a sweet, tender heart underneath all the pain and hurt he's suffered!! But fast-forward almost a year, and he's a complete stranger to me now and treated me with less respect and concern than he did for a spider.

This REALLY has my wheels turning now.....AHII, if you have any insight, or if anyone can offer any suggestions as to what, if anything, they think this means, I'd GREATLY appreciate it!!