Wife came home from rehab with boyfriend
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Originally Posted by headspin 
whats crazy is it seems like you all know my wife personally. she has always been a great liar. to the point where i had to make a get out of the lie free card for her just because she would lie so quick then be scared to take it back, so i turned it into an easy escape game.
gas lighter- we all know what that means...her all day.
has always used people for her benefit.
manipulator-right there with user.
denier- its never her fault and even if it is, she will flip the script on you and youll find yourself defending youself and scratching your head wondering how you got there.
selfcentered- its always been about her.everything
gas lighter- we all know what that means...her all day.
has always used people for her benefit.
manipulator-right there with user.
denier- its never her fault and even if it is, she will flip the script on you and youll find yourself defending youself and scratching your head wondering how you got there.
selfcentered- its always been about her.everything
Many of us have gotten away, you can too.
It takes time, are you in al anon, sorry I havent' read all of the posts, counseling???
Maybe start thinking about this in terms of the health and well being of your children.
It may appear that it is not having a negative effect on them, they love her, but it truly is, and they will pay dearly for it.
It may appear that while you are still engaging with her you have some control, it's not the case.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Most times, if not all, drugs are just a symptom of a much deeper issue. Sounds like her addiction masked many of her real emotional issues. She sounds like her issues run really deep, perhaps even Borderline Personality Disorder.
I know it is very painful right now. She is showing you who she is, it's time to believe her. Hopefully in a year from now, you will want to thank her new guy for taking her off your hands.
You deserve so much better. Her loss will someday be someone else's gain. But it's so important for you to do the hard work on you now so you do not repeat the same mistakes in the future. Healthy people attract healthy people. Unhealthy people attract unhealthy people.
My prayers are with you all.
I know it is very painful right now. She is showing you who she is, it's time to believe her. Hopefully in a year from now, you will want to thank her new guy for taking her off your hands.
You deserve so much better. Her loss will someday be someone else's gain. But it's so important for you to do the hard work on you now so you do not repeat the same mistakes in the future. Healthy people attract healthy people. Unhealthy people attract unhealthy people.
My prayers are with you all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: nj
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by Katiekate
We all know her because we have all been with her, just in a different form.
Many of us have gotten away, you can too.
It takes time, are you in al anon, sorry I havent' read all of the posts, counseling???
Maybe start thinking about this in terms of the health and well being of your children.
It may appear that it is not having a negative effect on them, they love her, but it truly is, and they will pay dearly for it.
It may appear that while you are still engaging with her you have some control, it's not the case.
Many of us have gotten away, you can too.
It takes time, are you in al anon, sorry I havent' read all of the posts, counseling???
Maybe start thinking about this in terms of the health and well being of your children.
It may appear that it is not having a negative effect on them, they love her, but it truly is, and they will pay dearly for it.
It may appear that while you are still engaging with her you have some control, it's not the case.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Originally Posted by headspin
i'm in naranon. I'm approaching my 48hr mark of not communicating with her. and I know the kids will pay dearly. but until I have a solid understanding on how to handle that situation I dont want to do anything to cause them more confusion. children are too fragile to be ripped back and forth. so far my plain is to get a family counsler and take them with me there. I am trying to get my head on right "quickly" so i can be there for my kids 100% right now i'm not in a position to lead. i still have some work to do from with in.
I hope you continue to come here for support.
Keep posting.
Wishing peace and wisdom in the coming days. Katie xo
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: nj
Posts: 26
GOD I FEEL LIKE I'M IN THE FREAKING TWILIGHT ZONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LIKE I JUST WENT TO SLEEP AND WOKE UP AND EVERYTHING WAS UPSIDEDOWN.
I'M LOOKING AROUND FOR Ashton Kutcher TO JUMP OUT LIKE YOUVE JUST BEEN PUNKED!!!!!
LIKE I JUST WENT TO SLEEP AND WOKE UP AND EVERYTHING WAS UPSIDEDOWN.
I'M LOOKING AROUND FOR Ashton Kutcher TO JUMP OUT LIKE YOUVE JUST BEEN PUNKED!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Originally Posted by headspin
GOD I FEEL LIKE I'M IN THE FREAKING TWILIGHT ZONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LIKE I JUST WENT TO SLEEP AND WOKE UP AND EVERYTHING WAS UPSIDEDOWN.
I'M LOOKING AROUND FOR Ashton Kutcher TO JUMP OUT LIKE YOUVE JUST BEEN PUNKED!!!!!
LIKE I JUST WENT TO SLEEP AND WOKE UP AND EVERYTHING WAS UPSIDEDOWN.
I'M LOOKING AROUND FOR Ashton Kutcher TO JUMP OUT LIKE YOUVE JUST BEEN PUNKED!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Headspin,
Have you made calls and appts? Attorney? Counselor for your children? Separate therapist for you? What action steps have you managed to take so far? I hope you've got some appointments made so your can start to build a solid support system the way a housebuilder lays a foundation for a house.
You say your wife was on...I think it was Percocet? And Xanax?
People fall in love with Percocet...Vicodin....Oxy....Heroin. They fall head over heels in love with opiates. They bond emotionally, very very deep, with opiates.
I am guessing she and her rehab friend have got themselves a plan--maybe unconscious and maybe conscious. The plan is to live a drug life.
So no matter how much emotional pain and shock you are in, you MUST PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN. And your energy right now should be all about that.
So as mentioned in one of the responses, start documenting. Get yourself to an attorney. And draw every ounce of determination in yourself to prepare to fight for your children's well-being. No more screaming matches with her. Build your support system piece by piece and let the professionals tell you exactly what you need to do and when you need to do it.
Right now nothing matters other than your children's emotional and physical well-being and both are at risk.
Just view your AW as an active drug addict and get help. Stop trying to figure her out. Stop lamenting the 14 years. She is a drug addict who wants your kids.
Let us know how you're doing. And, I personally don't think you should move out of the house if you are leaving the children behind.
Have you made calls and appts? Attorney? Counselor for your children? Separate therapist for you? What action steps have you managed to take so far? I hope you've got some appointments made so your can start to build a solid support system the way a housebuilder lays a foundation for a house.
You say your wife was on...I think it was Percocet? And Xanax?
People fall in love with Percocet...Vicodin....Oxy....Heroin. They fall head over heels in love with opiates. They bond emotionally, very very deep, with opiates.
I am guessing she and her rehab friend have got themselves a plan--maybe unconscious and maybe conscious. The plan is to live a drug life.
So no matter how much emotional pain and shock you are in, you MUST PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN. And your energy right now should be all about that.
So as mentioned in one of the responses, start documenting. Get yourself to an attorney. And draw every ounce of determination in yourself to prepare to fight for your children's well-being. No more screaming matches with her. Build your support system piece by piece and let the professionals tell you exactly what you need to do and when you need to do it.
Right now nothing matters other than your children's emotional and physical well-being and both are at risk.
Just view your AW as an active drug addict and get help. Stop trying to figure her out. Stop lamenting the 14 years. She is a drug addict who wants your kids.
Let us know how you're doing. And, I personally don't think you should move out of the house if you are leaving the children behind.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 285
headspin we are walking right along with you. You've gotton some really good advice. I am still in the process of forgiving myself for not listening to the great advice on this site soon enough. It took the police showing up at my door to realize the damage and risks me and my boys were in for me to finally hit my bottom and finally take the steps I needed to move forward. Take a breath and get the help and support you need so that you have the tools and sanity to lead these children. My kids go through alot of disappointment and pain as a result of their dad's addiction. I've removed the chaos of him living here; but I can't control the emotional pain they have at the loss of their dad. They are doing better since they have been in therapy. Keep posting - we know exactly what you're dealing with. I no longer try to rationalize the craziness of my exAH's behavior or lies. He's sick and I can't rationalize irrational behavior. One thing that worked for me when I was were you are is that I made a decision to no longer allow him and his insanity to have so much power over me. Hope that helps. Stay strong.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 626
Yes, document everything!!!
My husband had to do the same thing with his ex wife. She was an alcoholic, drug addict, split personality etc.
She only wanted their newborn daughter as a means of income......food stamps, welfare and after she grew up, she would've become the live in babysitter for her other kids she had later. His ex's family were all that way.
Document, document document.
He won custody. That's saying alot for dad to get custody of a newborn girl. It was documenting the bat s@&t crazy conversations they had, all of the broken promises, and there were tons of those, missed appts. Etc
Bottom line. He was meticulous. He won!!!
My husband had to do the same thing with his ex wife. She was an alcoholic, drug addict, split personality etc.
She only wanted their newborn daughter as a means of income......food stamps, welfare and after she grew up, she would've become the live in babysitter for her other kids she had later. His ex's family were all that way.
Document, document document.
He won custody. That's saying alot for dad to get custody of a newborn girl. It was documenting the bat s@&t crazy conversations they had, all of the broken promises, and there were tons of those, missed appts. Etc
Bottom line. He was meticulous. He won!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: nj
Posts: 26
Update
So, its april 5th, been threw the ringer and back. she's been parading this guy around with my kids for the past few weeks. I left the house to stay with a friend to keep from doing something stupid.
she said today on the phone she is taking the kids to florida. we will see about that.
anyway im doing better. I'm actually glad to be out of the marriage now that im seeing it from the other side. I was a freaking slave to her.
she said today on the phone she is taking the kids to florida. we will see about that.
anyway im doing better. I'm actually glad to be out of the marriage now that im seeing it from the other side. I was a freaking slave to her.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
EG wrote:
People fall in love with Percocet...Vicodin....Oxy....Heroin. They fall head over heels in love with opiates. They bond emotionally, very very deep, with opiates.
I am guessing she and her rehab friend have got themselves a plan--maybe unconscious and maybe conscious. The plan is to live a drug life.
....................EG,you are a poet.THIS IS SOOO true!
People fall in love with Percocet...Vicodin....Oxy....Heroin. They fall head over heels in love with opiates. They bond emotionally, very very deep, with opiates.
I am guessing she and her rehab friend have got themselves a plan--maybe unconscious and maybe conscious. The plan is to live a drug life.
....................EG,you are a poet.THIS IS SOOO true!
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by headspin
So, its april 5th, been threw the ringer and back. she's been parading this guy around with my kids for the past few weeks. I left the house to stay with a friend to keep from doing something stupid.
she said today on the phone she is taking the kids to florida. we will see about that.
anyway im doing better. I'm actually glad to be out of the marriage now that im seeing it from the other side. I was a freaking slave to her.
she said today on the phone she is taking the kids to florida. we will see about that.
anyway im doing better. I'm actually glad to be out of the marriage now that im seeing it from the other side. I was a freaking slave to her.
Does she perchance have a psych diagnosis to go along with addiction? Something smells very, very suspicious to me.
For what it's worth, don't be surprised when this thing with the dude from rehab blows up in her face. It will, and when it does she'll move onto the next guy, and the next one, and so on. Which makes it all the more urgent that your children are protected from her.
To be blunt, don't f**k around with this one. Do what is necessary and proper, and if your wife doesn't like it, too bad.
ZoSo
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Please protect your children! Get with an attorney Monday or yours if you have already acquired one, and get an Emergency Custody Order from a Family Court Judge as to what she can and cannot do on visitation, including NOT removing the children from the state. It can be brought to the Judge's attention that she is new to 'recovery' (cough cough, what she is doing is NOT recovery) and that she met her BF in the rehab and you are in fear that this is not good for your children. etc etc etc
Not sure of NJ laws but it is worth a shot, and .............. you can also call CPS and voice your concerns on what is happening when she has the children and BF is there, thus opening a file on her. They too can be of help in not allowing the children to be removed from the state.
Sending good thoughts and prayers for you, your children and yes your AW.
Love and hugs,
Not sure of NJ laws but it is worth a shot, and .............. you can also call CPS and voice your concerns on what is happening when she has the children and BF is there, thus opening a file on her. They too can be of help in not allowing the children to be removed from the state.
Sending good thoughts and prayers for you, your children and yes your AW.
Love and hugs,
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