Bad mews
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 108
Bad mews
My AS is in jail waiting to go before a judge for DUI, open container and reckless operation. A few days ago he filled an RX for benzos, left his family and ended up in jail. I'm sure his job is in the toilet as well as his marriage, with three children and a pregnant wife. His wife called to inform us of this latest episode. We have stopped enabling his disease. I try not to be involved, but at times it is nearly impossible. How do I NOT help his wife and children. It tears me up, knowing that they will be destitute without his paycheck. I have learned through Alanon that by assuming his responsibilities, I am only prolonging his recovery. IF THAT EVER HAPPENS. I know his family is his responsibility and before he married and had children, I told him I would not take care of them. But, here I am faced with just that decision. I hate, hate, hate this disease. I'm angry at AS for not fighting harder to conquer it. He has been to inpatient rehab seven times. when is it going to stop?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I'm so sorry that your dealing with this. I understand what you are saying.......
Someone posted a while back about thinking that the addict's parents should pay for the support of their addicted son's child(ren)......something to do with "it's the least they could do". It struck a nerve so deep in me that only someone else in this position could "get it". We are in a very "damned if you do--damned if you don't" situation. If we help, we are taking on the responsibility of the addict (enabling). If we don't help, we are cruel and uncaring. Damned. So we do what we can live with and we have to accept (and not give a hoot) what others think about it.
There is no right or wrong in this situation. I do understand the dilemma of it.
In my situation, my grandson's mother has never asked for my help. But she's also the type who will resent that I don't just read her mind and DO something, i.e. give her money. I love my grandson so much. I'm not able to see him and I understand her position and accept it. She wants to shield him from his father's addiction and I admire her for that. She's a good Mom and I have elected to support her in her decision to do what's best for her son.
It may be different than your situation but I do understand that you're in a tough spot.
One day at a time.......
gentle hugs
ke
Someone posted a while back about thinking that the addict's parents should pay for the support of their addicted son's child(ren)......something to do with "it's the least they could do". It struck a nerve so deep in me that only someone else in this position could "get it". We are in a very "damned if you do--damned if you don't" situation. If we help, we are taking on the responsibility of the addict (enabling). If we don't help, we are cruel and uncaring. Damned. So we do what we can live with and we have to accept (and not give a hoot) what others think about it.
There is no right or wrong in this situation. I do understand the dilemma of it.
In my situation, my grandson's mother has never asked for my help. But she's also the type who will resent that I don't just read her mind and DO something, i.e. give her money. I love my grandson so much. I'm not able to see him and I understand her position and accept it. She wants to shield him from his father's addiction and I admire her for that. She's a good Mom and I have elected to support her in her decision to do what's best for her son.
It may be different than your situation but I do understand that you're in a tough spot.
One day at a time.......
gentle hugs
ke
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
