New at this...
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 37
New at this...
Hello. I'm new at this....never thought I'd be logging on a blog to talk about dating an addict. I always swore, after finding out my ex was an addict as well, that id never risk my unhappiness and my future for an addict. I guess love is blind. Luckily he is in rehab and doing well in recovery. I'm just afraid of the unknown. I'm supporting him and I'm trying my best to be as patient as possible but it's pretty tough sometimes. We can have a good couple of weeks but there's always a few days of the bickering. Now that I know he was addicted to opiates and was lying my trust for him is out the window. Now I'm paranoid about so many things and I wear my heart on my sleeve so its not that hard to figure out something is bothering me and he gets fed up bc not only is he dealing w his recovery process but now sometimes he has to hear me. I know it's a lot for him but its a lot for me too. When he's not himself, if he's having a down day or cranky or just moody I get nervous and instead of letting it go and let him just deal with the emotional roller later of recovery, ill ask questions. I need to learn to just let him go thru these emotions and sit back and just be here for him when he needs me. I keep going on and on and I'm not sure this makes sense but again this is my first time on here. Any advice or input is appreciated
Welcome to SR......this is a great forum. I hope you benefit from the experience, strength and hope from everyone here.
I do understand the anxiety that crops up when your bf has a bad day in rehab. My son had a day like that a few weeks ago (in long term rehab program) and it did cause me a bit of anxiety but I didn't let him know that. It's strange...... I don't react with anxiety to other people having a bad day....I just empathize, give them a hug, and give them some room. I'm trying to interact in that healthier manner with him as well.
Tell us a bit more about you. You have some experience with addiction in a loved one in the past. What do you do for yourself? How do you cope with addicts in your life? What tools do you use? Share a little about you so that we can get to know you.
gentle hugs
ke
I do understand the anxiety that crops up when your bf has a bad day in rehab. My son had a day like that a few weeks ago (in long term rehab program) and it did cause me a bit of anxiety but I didn't let him know that. It's strange...... I don't react with anxiety to other people having a bad day....I just empathize, give them a hug, and give them some room. I'm trying to interact in that healthier manner with him as well.
Tell us a bit more about you. You have some experience with addiction in a loved one in the past. What do you do for yourself? How do you cope with addicts in your life? What tools do you use? Share a little about you so that we can get to know you.
gentle hugs
ke
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 37
Thank you for replying back. I envy how you handle yourself when your son is having a bad day. I want to be able to deal with my anxiety and stress and paranoia a little bit better. I want to remember that it's about him right now and I need to just let it go. Instead I ask question after question and try to figure out what's going on in his head or why he's cranky. It's almost like I know but I need to hear it from him just to make me feel better. He's mentioned to me that for 4 hours a day and 4 days a week he has to listen and talk and think about this and the last thing he wants to do sometimes is talk about it at the end of the day. I get it but I don't at the same time.
Well yes I've been around opiate addicts for a long time. A best friend was addicted but helped herself. My ex snorted heroine and I found out towards the end of our 10 month relationship. He refused to help himself so I had no choice but to walk away. Close to a year later..I finally got back on my feet after a horrible break up I met my current boyfriend. I let him in on my past relationship and told him that honesty is very important to me. And how the one thing I never wanted to go thru ever again was dealing with an addict. (Never say never-- love is blind) we grew closer and connected so fast and with conversation about my past and friends it made him want to stop. I found his "stash" and that next day he started the withdrawal process-- I was with him everyday to help him even tho I was so upset that he hid this from me after many conversations about drugs. . He went into work a few days later and they gave him a second chance. Sending him to a 90 day outpatient with lifetime drug testing. He's doing great but of course I still get nervous. The only way I cope with it is keeping a journal and writing down my feelings and now finding this site. The more I get off my chest the less anxiety, stress and the better I feel. Also, the less I want to bring it up w him. I know this is said so often but I didn't feel this way with my past boyfriend - I really believe In him and I believe he will do this.
Well yes I've been around opiate addicts for a long time. A best friend was addicted but helped herself. My ex snorted heroine and I found out towards the end of our 10 month relationship. He refused to help himself so I had no choice but to walk away. Close to a year later..I finally got back on my feet after a horrible break up I met my current boyfriend. I let him in on my past relationship and told him that honesty is very important to me. And how the one thing I never wanted to go thru ever again was dealing with an addict. (Never say never-- love is blind) we grew closer and connected so fast and with conversation about my past and friends it made him want to stop. I found his "stash" and that next day he started the withdrawal process-- I was with him everyday to help him even tho I was so upset that he hid this from me after many conversations about drugs. . He went into work a few days later and they gave him a second chance. Sending him to a 90 day outpatient with lifetime drug testing. He's doing great but of course I still get nervous. The only way I cope with it is keeping a journal and writing down my feelings and now finding this site. The more I get off my chest the less anxiety, stress and the better I feel. Also, the less I want to bring it up w him. I know this is said so often but I didn't feel this way with my past boyfriend - I really believe In him and I believe he will do this.
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