feeling terminally unique
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feeling terminally unique
"this will be a success story" trying to walk the line of not having worry about the future, and being positive. Still stuck on how the counsellors at the SA ARC were so dumbfounded by his attitude and seeking of gods will. hmmmmm wondering if he could be manipulating them, even though they are so educated and you would think they would see through it. Thanks for letting me share 
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I hope for your sake he is not manipulating them. I took my son to 3 different counselors and he convinced every single one of them that he was fine.
I just wanted to add that it was before I really understood addictive behaviour. Looking back I see it was simply me trying to force him to get better when he wasn't really interested, except in words.
I just wanted to add that it was before I really understood addictive behaviour. Looking back I see it was simply me trying to force him to get better when he wasn't really interested, except in words.
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Originally Posted by Lily1918 
"this will be a success story" trying to walk the line of not having worry about the future, and being positive. Still stuck on how the counsellors at the SA ARC were so dumbfounded by his attitude and seeking of gods will. hmmmmm wondering if he could be manipulating them, even though they are so educated and you would think they would see through it. Thanks for letting me share
Time will reveal more.....it always does. There's no useful purpose being stuck on this issue. It's out of your control. He's in very early recovery. And believe me, at the SA-ARC, they've seen it all. Your bf may be in that pink cloud stage and they mean every word they say.....it's almost another "high" for them to be clean (even if its a short time).
Time.....will reveal more. So while he's in there doing what he needs to be doing for himself.....whatcha been doing for Lily?
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ke
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Originally Posted by Kindeyes
Lily
Time will reveal more.....it always does. There's no useful purpose being stuck on this issue. It's out of your control. He's in very early recovery. And believe me, at the SA-ARC, they've seen it all. Your bf may be in that pink cloud stage and they mean every word they say.....it's almost another "high" for them to be clean (even if its a short time).
Time.....will reveal more. So while he's in there doing what he needs to be doing for himself.....whatcha been doing for Lily?
gentle hugs
ke
Time will reveal more.....it always does. There's no useful purpose being stuck on this issue. It's out of your control. He's in very early recovery. And believe me, at the SA-ARC, they've seen it all. Your bf may be in that pink cloud stage and they mean every word they say.....it's almost another "high" for them to be clean (even if its a short time).
Time.....will reveal more. So while he's in there doing what he needs to be doing for himself.....whatcha been doing for Lily?
gentle hugs
ke
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I do want to add though... I hate that he is so smart and educated!!! I've met other addicts who are dumb and let stuff fall through the cracks, not him. never. He could be working the system. thank god it is an all mens program so Im not afraid of a rehab affair. ok you're right I can't control it. Im just trying to jump off of this pink cloud Im on of my own free will before it fades beneath me and I fall unexpectedly.
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Originally Posted by Kindeyes
How's Zumba.....is it a tough work out? Been thinking about trying it but I'm afraid it might kill me.
gentle hugs
ke
gentle hugs
ke
like all dance classes there are beginning and advanced. have you ever done jazzercise? its like that
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Lily
As you know, my son is also in an SA-ARC. He is also smart and well educated. Your bf is not the first smart and educated addict they've had through their doors. They know what they're doing....let them do it. If your bf thinks it's cool or funny or smart to try to deceive them, that will only last so long. He can't keep that up indefinitely. And that's on him anyway. He'll only get out of it what he puts in to it......and he's the one in control of that.
Edited to add: the SA-ARC is a very humbling program....and the smart and educated ones may be most in need of some humbling.
Let it be.....let it be.....let it be.......let it be......speaking words of wisdom.......let it be (simple words from an old Beatles song).
gentle hugs
ke
As you know, my son is also in an SA-ARC. He is also smart and well educated. Your bf is not the first smart and educated addict they've had through their doors. They know what they're doing....let them do it. If your bf thinks it's cool or funny or smart to try to deceive them, that will only last so long. He can't keep that up indefinitely. And that's on him anyway. He'll only get out of it what he puts in to it......and he's the one in control of that.
Edited to add: the SA-ARC is a very humbling program....and the smart and educated ones may be most in need of some humbling.
Let it be.....let it be.....let it be.......let it be......speaking words of wisdom.......let it be (simple words from an old Beatles song).
gentle hugs
ke
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oh thank you so much. I love that song! my HP is the potter and I am the clay. I also find peace in "do not worry about the splinter in your friends eye, when you have a log sticking out of your own, go and remove the log first, then, and only then, will you be able to help your friend." I love helping at the homeless shelter by the way, but have recently checked my motives. am I really just trying to show them gods love? or am I feeding my codependency by trying to rescue these individuals? Im not sure.... and am praying for my HP to search me and know my heart this morning.
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How's Zumba.....is it a tough work out? Been thinking about trying it but I'm afraid it might kill me.
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zumba is so fun! i would definitely try it! i had a lot of fun going with friends because we could laugh together and it became a fun social thing as well as a workout
lily... I can totally relate to how you are feeling, because I am in a similar place. At first I was all full of resolve and relief that this could all be over and I was free... my "pink cloud".... but then I started getting the phone calls. My success rate in ignoring them probably stands around 30%. First it was the apologies, the "I can't believe what I have done"... I kind of got off on them. It was like I relished hearing the pain in his voice because now that he got the drugs out of his system, he was facing reality soberly and saw the pain instead of getting high to escape it.
Now he is in his "pink cloud" phase. He says he has moments of being down and still cries every day, but he "feels like a new person", he "hasn't felt this way in years", he prayed to Jesus in the morning and saw signs of Jesus all day, he is full of hope, etc... It is VERY HARD not to let my mind go nuts after hearing these things.
That terminal uniqueness kicks right in... "he really wants it... he's gonna do it and we will be happy again"
BUT THEN I realize, even if he will get sober and stay that way, and it is a "success story", that does not mean that it will be the success I wanted.
It especially does not mean that he will get out of this program and we will be able to resume a relationship.
In fact, we can't. Only time will tell what will unfold with his story, and with ours. For now, I can not put myself at risk to go through this again!! I need to allow myself to heal and improve. He needs to focus on his recovery with everything he's got. I hate to admit it, but I can be needy... he needs to be giving everything he has to HIMSELF, to his recovery - and I need to do the same. He can't be worrying about me, nor I him. Otherwise there's no chance.
I keep going back to the idea that a healthy loving relationship can not exist without 2 partners who love themselves independently, who share their joy with one another - not 2 people who make each other happy. We made each other happy... but then we made each other miserable. Insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result... obviously its time to try something different.
lily... I can totally relate to how you are feeling, because I am in a similar place. At first I was all full of resolve and relief that this could all be over and I was free... my "pink cloud".... but then I started getting the phone calls. My success rate in ignoring them probably stands around 30%. First it was the apologies, the "I can't believe what I have done"... I kind of got off on them. It was like I relished hearing the pain in his voice because now that he got the drugs out of his system, he was facing reality soberly and saw the pain instead of getting high to escape it.
Now he is in his "pink cloud" phase. He says he has moments of being down and still cries every day, but he "feels like a new person", he "hasn't felt this way in years", he prayed to Jesus in the morning and saw signs of Jesus all day, he is full of hope, etc... It is VERY HARD not to let my mind go nuts after hearing these things.
That terminal uniqueness kicks right in... "he really wants it... he's gonna do it and we will be happy again"
BUT THEN I realize, even if he will get sober and stay that way, and it is a "success story", that does not mean that it will be the success I wanted.
It especially does not mean that he will get out of this program and we will be able to resume a relationship.
In fact, we can't. Only time will tell what will unfold with his story, and with ours. For now, I can not put myself at risk to go through this again!! I need to allow myself to heal and improve. He needs to focus on his recovery with everything he's got. I hate to admit it, but I can be needy... he needs to be giving everything he has to HIMSELF, to his recovery - and I need to do the same. He can't be worrying about me, nor I him. Otherwise there's no chance.
I keep going back to the idea that a healthy loving relationship can not exist without 2 partners who love themselves independently, who share their joy with one another - not 2 people who make each other happy. We made each other happy... but then we made each other miserable. Insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result... obviously its time to try something different.
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