We're as sick as our secrets
 

For so long I have kept up this picture perfect life to everyone including my family. I'm 22, I'm getting good grades in law school, I overcame addiction, etc. etc. My boyfriend, who is also a recovered heroin addict, had gotten in trouble with the law and had pending charges.

I have kept a huge secret from my mom..that he is still living with me (she thought when he got arrested I broke up with him) and after four months the secret came out. I feel so low for leading a double life. I feel so guilty and low for lieing to the one person that has always had back and always supported me.

Luckily, my mom is willing to move past this huge lie. It got me really thinking though. For the longest time I made excuses for my boyfriend not having a job...pending charges being the biggest one. Now that things are going to be dropped, I need to set a time limit for him getting a job before I am forced to tell him to leave.

I'm tired of keeping up with the lies, it is making me emotionally and physically sick. I am trying so hard with my recovery and law school, I deserve to be with someone that is trying just as hard in their recovery and work life. I refuse to lie to my mom and family any longer, I won't make excuses for him not working any more.

I learned a valuable lesson today. It doesn't matter how hard I try to lead a good life, I will never be truely happy unless I stop keeping secrets. Starting today, I am going to stop making excuses and see the situation for what it is.

I hope if he doesn't get the job that I will be able to be truthful to myself and admit that he must leave, despite loving him.

Thanks for listening, I just feel so low for lieing :(

Just another one of life's lesson to be learned. You learned it, you owned and now I hope you release it and not keep beating yourself up.

You are bright, strong and can do whatever you put your mine to. :)

Thanks LoveMeNow. I am def. learning from this and making sure I don't make this mistake again.

I've worked too hard to lose the trust of all my loved ones.

Hey Malie - you go girl!!!!!!!!! And all the best with law school. As far as leading a 'double life' - I have been there and got the t-shirt.... read my earlier thread 'Liar, Liar, Range Rover on fire' - frightening!!!

Having courage is hard, resolve - personal belief - determination can all help... but being courageous is the willingness to do something despite fear.

I hope he will have the courage to step up and be the man you deserve. I hope you will have the courage to do what's right for yourself if he does not.

But above all, forgive yourself... because the only people who ever suffers when forgiveness is needed is the one who can't. You've done the right things, in owning your part and learning from it... forgiveness seems to be the only thing eluding you at the moment.

Warmly,

Victrinia