Not until I read your posts...
Great job, GuideMe!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 430
GuideMe -- you are an amazing example of what recovery looks like. When I start to let my husband get away with excuses for why he is not going to meetings I think of you and how you are working such a high intensity job and with such long hours and how you do whatever you can to MAKE YOUR RECOVERY WORK.
You are here on the forum. You are calling your sponsor and working the steps. Getting to meetings whenever you can. Feeling sad about missing them. This is SERIOUS to you and it's obvious.
So it makes me realize how NOT serious my husband is about getting into recovery and how if he were, his little excuses would not stop him. You'r overcoming bigger obstacles than he is presenting.
Keep on truckin' dude! You're making a difference in your life and the lives of so many others by the way you're working your program. You are so loved. xo
You are here on the forum. You are calling your sponsor and working the steps. Getting to meetings whenever you can. Feeling sad about missing them. This is SERIOUS to you and it's obvious.
So it makes me realize how NOT serious my husband is about getting into recovery and how if he were, his little excuses would not stop him. You'r overcoming bigger obstacles than he is presenting.
Keep on truckin' dude! You're making a difference in your life and the lives of so many others by the way you're working your program. You are so loved. xo
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 73
Wow, I just read this and started crying. It took me by surprise because I haven't cried once in months and have been doing well dealing with the insanity that went down with the final break up with my ex addict BF I had to get a restraining order on. I've just been disgusted and angry mostly. This post for some reason just melted my heart.
I hope this poster stayed on the right track.
I hope this poster stayed on the right track.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 590
Originally Posted by GuideMe 
I gave up my best friends. I gave up my music. I gave up writing songs. I gave up my drums. I gave up my band. I gave up a dream job. I gave up a life worth living. I gave up my daughter. I gave up my fiance. I gave up.
How do I get that back????????????
I became a liar. I became a thief. I became manipulative. I became numb. I became hopeless. I became vengeful. I became dark. I became soulless. I became everything I swore I would never be.
I met my father once when I was 5. He gave me a tape, a Jimmy Cliff "The Harder They Come" tape and a walkman. I still have the tape. He was an addict of the worse kind. But, aren't we all?
I never thought about him. Where he was or who he was. My mother shielded me from all that. But, now, I am starting to wonder if maybe she shouldn't have. I am starting to wonder if it did take a toll on me. I swore I would never be that father, yet, that is what I have become. I swore I would never be that spouse, yet, that is what I have become. I am so scared of what my future holds. I will take it day by day. I will rebuild what I have destroyed brick by brick.
I am an addict. I want instant gratification. But, I know I can't have that. I know this will be a long and lonely road.
I made it through another day by Gods grace. I made it through another day. I am grateful for that.
Right now my strength has come from, well, all of you that have supported a complete stranger in his darkest hour. My family will not. I have burnt that bridge. My fiance will not. I nuked that bridge. I am grateful for all of you. I have felt your prayers. I have felt your support. I will do this for my self. It's the only way it will work this time.
How do I get that back????????????
I became a liar. I became a thief. I became manipulative. I became numb. I became hopeless. I became vengeful. I became dark. I became soulless. I became everything I swore I would never be.
I met my father once when I was 5. He gave me a tape, a Jimmy Cliff "The Harder They Come" tape and a walkman. I still have the tape. He was an addict of the worse kind. But, aren't we all?
I never thought about him. Where he was or who he was. My mother shielded me from all that. But, now, I am starting to wonder if maybe she shouldn't have. I am starting to wonder if it did take a toll on me. I swore I would never be that father, yet, that is what I have become. I swore I would never be that spouse, yet, that is what I have become. I am so scared of what my future holds. I will take it day by day. I will rebuild what I have destroyed brick by brick.
I am an addict. I want instant gratification. But, I know I can't have that. I know this will be a long and lonely road.
I made it through another day by Gods grace. I made it through another day. I am grateful for that.
Right now my strength has come from, well, all of you that have supported a complete stranger in his darkest hour. My family will not. I have burnt that bridge. My fiance will not. I nuked that bridge. I am grateful for all of you. I have felt your prayers. I have felt your support. I will do this for my self. It's the only way it will work this time.
You probably feel bad about a lot of things but what your family wants most is for you to do just what you are doing. They don't expect you to be perfect. They just want you to take as long as you need to work on this. I think about my son every single day as your loved ones think about you. They are there in spirit and they love you very much.
Hope you are doing well today.
Kari
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