Lara

Hey GM hope you survived your day... take care when feeling too tired as can lead to relapse - you need to exercise, sleep as best you can, and eat properly. Remember HALT (whenever you feel hungry, anger , loneliness or tired - can lead to relapse).
I think (and this is only my opinion) why so often addicts who respond to 'quickly' and 'easily' to revovery - often relapse - is because you are intelligent, so grasp the principles very quickly, and workk 'through' the recovery programme quickly... which often means you don't spend the time necessary on each step... you move through too quickly - so you don't allow your mind, spirit, body to truly 'absorb' the steps... you don't give your brain time to 're-learn' new ways of thinking..... it takes ages for your brain to learn new routes... for months, years your brain has been 'short circuiting' always looking for the quickest route to 'seek obvlivian' to 'seek the high'.... and to 'unlearn' these routes takes many months / years...... this is literally a physical process... a bit like NLP training (neuro linquistic training).... so mentally and intellectually you might 'understand' the process and be learning and ready to move through the steps - but physically your body and brain are still wired to addiction....
am I making any sense???

God bless

GuideMe

Perfect sense.

GuideMe

Heroin took my soul. She was my only friend for years. I would beg her to leave but she just never let me go. I lived in a very dark place for a time, never letting anyone in. I though she was all I had left to hold on too. That is the very reason I had to go no contact with with her. 17 days no contact. Her grip has only loosened a bit, but that bit has allowed me to see I deserve a life with out her. Happy, loved, loving, and free. It is unbelievable what can happen with another day clean. I can feel my heart beat again. On my days off I refuse to go to any less then 3 meetings and at least lunch or dinner with addicts. I have 135 numbers already, more friends that accept me scares and all, for me. I have truly surrendered my will to The Lord above and won't even put the stars in the night sky above my recovery. What a blessing life can be. I am just grateful I get to see my lil one every day. I still can't repair any relationships yet because I have no relationship with myself. But, I will. And things that were meant to be ,will be. I accept that. I cherish that very idea. With love and blessings, GM.

peanut44

You really are an inspiration to us all......

Please don't forget that

Hanna

Hope! Thank you for posting GuideMe. Recovery: you are doing it right.

Lara

GM... Heroine kidnapped your soul.... but you / your soul broke free. Now run like the wind! Run like you have angel wings on your heals.... you have already broken the chains... you have escaped. Don't look back! God is looking after your soul. Cradling you. Lifting you up. Protecting you. Never forget you are a child of God. He loves you just as you are. You are born perfect in his eyes. You are still there. Now you must believe in yourself. You must love yourself just as God loves you. You will heal. Just pray for healing and let it in. Let God in. Don't give up on the ones you love. Don't give up on your life. Keep on going. Every day at a time. With prayer and strong believe in YOU, you can heal quicker than you know - quicker than you will ever imagine. All you believe in and love is waiting for you. God knows when he will restore it all again... but only when you are ready.... this is the beginning of the rest of your life. And what a story you have to tell. You have witnessed the darkest hours this world can offer - you have witnessed terrible things.... but this is all soul food. It can only make you stronger!!!! As Rudyard Kipling so eloquently writes "If you can fill the unforgiven minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run, then yours is the earth and everything in it - which is more you will be a MAN my son!!!"

God Bless you

GuideMe

I keep hearing a message of hope and a promise of freedom. We will certainly see.

KLM

Hope and freedom. It's worth it. Hang in there!!

GuideMe

21 days clean... I got a cold though, I knew it was coming. So many meetings in tight rooms with a bunch of addicts with the cold or flu and it was bound to happen. O-well, I'd rather go through this then what I just did. At work now setting up for a comedian so I can't post a huge update, but I am doing well, one day at a time. I don't feel like a dead man walking so much anymore, just like a broken man walking if that makes sense? Sponsor still wont let me work on any of the steps until I can memorize chapter 5.

No pink cloud yet, thank God. I've had it a few times after I have detoxed and it always led me to think I could control the demon. But, the body will over compensate and that is typically where the pink cloud comes from. Over-saturated with endorphins to the point the body stops making them, then none in the body, back to the body cranking them out like it's going out of style. If it happens, I know I must dig even deeper into this program. I really hope I just stay baseline.

Later Gator's! With love and blessings...GM

GuideMe

I've worked close to 48 hours in 3 days and I have 6 more hours tonight only to be back at 4am tomorrow. Very little sleep due to this damn cold among other things. I wish someone else could work for me but I'm in a position where I'm it in 2 counties. I call people when I get breaks to let them know I'm safe and clean. I keep up with all your threads, though I don't post, and what some of you are going through still is killing me. They say don't let others effect how you feel but I can't help the sadness I feel for you all. We (addicts only) really don't deserve to have folks like you all in our lives. Really makes me struggle to accept the fact that things happen for a reason. I mean I understand why I have to go through this, but not anyone else. No one else should carry that weight.

I wish you all the best. GM.

KLM

How are you doing guideme?
Was thinking about you today.

GuideMe

I am doing very well thank you! I just picked up my 30 day bright orange tag on Saturday. A hard 30 day may I add! Man, it felt good. I am in full season now for work and having the skill set I do means I am none stop. 70 some odd hours in the last 4 days. Small breaks in the middle and those are filled with meetings. Home group on Thursdays, and a sponsor that is, well, just what I need. Today is 33 days clean. Man, I have gained 9 1/2 pounds these last 3 weeks. Been running on 2 and 3 hours sleep these last few days but I keep my food intake high and cat naps when they permit. I have been covering for a house engineer the last few days so I'm doing 2 call days. Just got home a few min ago and don't have to be back till tomorrow at 10pm so kinda a day off. I read my "Just for Today" book in the morning and my blue book and "How it Works" when I have time in-between. I read the post on here still quit often and keep up with you all, just don't feel like it's my place to really post on the friends and family side any more. IDK why, maybe because my support group is strong and the times I would have to post are filled with phone calls. Though, now that I see what I just wrote, I should keep up the best I can to let you all know(as if you didn't already) it can be done if you want it. My days are filled with new things and a spiritual attitude. Learning things about myself and just grateful for everything, and I do mean everything!!!

Thanks for asking, KLM!

I hope all of you are doing great!! With love and blessings, GuideMe.

GardenMama

You just made my heart sing, GuideMe. I am so heartened by your efforts.

Blessings on your days and nights and your ongoing, active recovery! Thank you for checking in with the F&Fs over here. We do have the habit of thinking about our beloved addicts...

Take good care! And please keep us posted now and then. Good stories are good for all of us.

KLM

Fantastic News GM! Whatever works... keep doing it!!

Lara

Can you see Guideme we have all been thinking about you - as I PM you yesterday too. Perfectly understand you need to post somewhere else as this is not really your forum... but every now and again just let us know how you are doing... God bless.

Lily1918

haha! this made me smile. its true. a forum full of recovering codies. of course we love hearing from our beloved RAs. so glad you Have found a good support system guideme :P. best wishes to you on your journey, and don't be a stranger ok? Your story is nothing but ESH

GuideMe

Just a check in... Doing very well. 49 days today. Been working non stop still, but make plenty of time for meetings and my recovery. Still reading everyday and making phone calls, though I will admit on my good days I don't call as much as I do when I'm down. I'm working on that. I am so tired though, and when I get tired I get grumpy. Still eating like it's the last day of my life and have since gained another 3 pounds, which makes a total of 16lbs., in the last 4 weeks. People I haven't seen since I detoxed barely recognize me. It's not just fat either, I hit the gym 4 times a week and it is definitely showing. Man I just feel so proud, though I have so much more to go.

I haven't spoke of my family life for quite some time cause I honestly could not worry about weather or not she left, but, she has been going to meetings with my mom and it is doing wonders for her as a person. God I love that woman. They are really showing her how to handle the situation. I am still way early into my recovery, but she and I met with my sponsor, my support group, and my mom, and everyone thought the best thing to do would to see a counselor and start working on co-parenting(to learn how to deal with a possible split) and our relationship to a smaller degree, so we learn how to deal with our recovery and what it is going to take to possibly rebuild our relationship if that is what she chooses to do. Taking things slow, slow, slow, but moving forward.

I hope you all are doing wonderful! With LOVE and BLESSINGS... GuideMe

P.S. I didn't realize how much I missed my little girl, she is the most amazing little person I have ever spent time with. The days we have together I just laugh and laugh, she is so funny and cute. I can't believe how much I have missed. It is warming up where I am and have been teaching her how to ride her bike almost every day.I just love this little girl with all my heart, and I can honestly say LOVE with no hesitations. AWSOME!!!!!

EverHopeful721

I'm pretty new here, and I just today read your story for the first time, GuideMe. You are TRULY an inspiration and you should be SO, SO proud of yourself!! You have come so far and you've done it for YOURSELF. Keep going!!

tjp613

GuideMe -- Thank you so much for the update. You have done this momma's heart some good today.

GardenMama

You wrote just in time...I was looking around yesterday to see if I could find a recent update from you, GuideMe! Thanks for sharing your hard work and your successes with us. You sound like you are really starting to LIVE again. All the best to you and your family.