Miller05

Is there a place on this forum where maybe I can read about some positive stories to give me inspiration and hope? Maybe a story about a son or daughter in recovery, and doing well? Or, a husband or wife that reconciled their marriage after going to hell and back?

I am looking to read about a family who has some success with dealing with addiction. I read about the inspirational, and positive stories in the Substance Abuse Forums...but I wanted to see if I could read about some positive stories in the Family Forum, from the loved one's perspective.

Please feel free to PM me. I would love to hear how your family is getting through...and maybe get some tips/advice on what helped your family survive.

My husband is currently in Intensive Outpatient Rehab, and his DOC is cocaine/alcohol.

Thank you, and I look forward to hearing from you.

LoveMeNow

There are many positive stories.....although their stories aren't really over yet, now are they?

I, too, asked the same question when I joined here. I felt so discouraged. I wanted so badly wanted to hold on to my "hopeful" fantasy. I still have hope, I just lost the fantasy.

I hope you and your husband are at a better place.

outtolunch

My daughter is a positive story. Her drug of choice was heroin. I was willing to do anything and everything to get and keep her off the junk. Three back to back rehabs and she relapsed within hours of returning home and all the rest that goes with addiction.

It was a long and emotionally painful journey before I accepted that it was not my battle to fight. Accepting that I was powerless over her and her choices was humbling stuff, especially given my own codependency had made me sicker than she was.

Eventually, she decided to change and did so in her own timeframe and has
never looked back. Since then, she married a terrific guy and they have a 2 year old daughter. She gets both sides, the addict and the mama, of it now.

Everyone she used to associate with back in the day, is either in prison or dead. She knows she dodged a bullet and made a better choice for herself and future. She will always be one lousy decision away from a relapse. No one knows or appreciates this more than she does. She gave up so little for so much more.

Ilovemysonjj

OTL, thank you for sharing about your daughter. What wonderful happy news!
I didn't know you had a grandchild, that is fantastic!
TT

Miller05

wow...thank you for sharing. that is very helpful.

OTL...i read your post twice....it gives me hope. and i need that.

my husband is in recovery, and we are taking it all day by day. but it is hard as you all know. i'm in therapy, he's in rehab, we're in marriage counseling....we are getting a lot of help.

addiction i have learned is a nasty disease. i am learning so much...especially when i go to the rehab family night.

the ugly truth about this terrible disease has come out...all of it. it's all about a bunch of lies, and more, and more lies....until they want to really make the change.

my husband is now 70 days sober off coke and alcohol, and trying really hard. and my boundaries are firmly in place.

i hope he/we make it.

LoveMeNow

I hope you do too. But more importantly, I hope you know that YOU will make it regardless of what choices he makes.

My husband started his recovery in late May/June. He has " relapsed" twice for a week or two. Once after he withdrew from suboxone and once after surgery wherehe has given pain meds (his DOC). Both times, he continued to keep working on his recovery and today he is clean.

If he learned something from those relapses, they can help him build a stronger recovery. Try not to count the days if you can! He may or may not still have a lot to learn. IMO, the behavior, the changes, and the attitude of his recovery mean far more.

allforcnm

Hi Miller. Sounds like you are working a really strong program right along with your husband. It reminds me a lot of what my husband and I did, and I will be glad to share my experience.

My husband became addicted to pain meds after an injury, surgeries, therapy, and many legitimate prescriptions. Before he was done he was also using benzo’s (Xanax) and cocaine.

I don’t think I was very much of a codependent because once his behavior started to change… lying, sneaking around, hanging out with the guys from work who supplied the drugs until the middle of the night, arguments between us… I told him that if he wanted to live that way it was fine, but I didn’t. I told him to go and live that way until he was done, and then he could come back and we would see where we stood.

Granted I knew nothing about drugs because this was my/our first exposure. But, I never really doubted he would stop, although it took longer than I thought; about a year. Nothing horrible happened to him to make him hit a bottom. He held down the same professional job, made good money, had a nice place to live, etc. He said he just got tired of it all, and wanted his life back; our relationship, and all the things he had planned for his future.

So he did detox, a three month inpatient rehab with a little outpatient at the end. He went to a non 12 step rehab where the focus was on individual therapy. The rehab also encouraged family participation, and part of his recovery was actually geared towards restoring/resolving damaged relationships with family and close friends. His overall treatment was geared towards giving him the ability to easily adapt back into the real world; his family, his career, his responsibilities; all without the use of drugs. The goal was to heal, and then go LIVE LIFE.

I am incredibly grateful to the doctors at his rehab because they led us through the process and we basically just put our trust in them. While my husband was working on himself, they also assigned me a therapist to help me work on my issues; and I had a lot of them !!! And after my husband was stable in his therapy, then we started marriage counseling twice a week. I actually relocated to be closer to the rehab to do this. Yes it was a risk, but it was something I was willing to do because I loved my husband, was committed to seeing if we could make it all work, and I was also relying on the suggestions of the doctors and I felt confident they knew what they were doing.

Some of the stuff I had to work out: I found out I was pregnant after we separated. I waited to tell him thinking he would come home but when he didn’t; I made one attempt to inform him and he didn’t believe me! That fueled my anger and I ended up going through my whole pregnancy alone because I refused to reach out to him again. (I really regret that now). While we were separated, my husband had an affair. And in my messed up state a few months after my son was born I also had a meaningless affair… So there was some bad stuff to deal with. But all the work we did in individual therapy, and marriage counseling helped us to understand, forgive, and recommit to our individual goals, and our marriage.

My husband is 10 months clean now & he is doing really well. We are together and raising our son, and I feel incredibly blessed to have made it to this point. It is like we were on a long and winding journey, but we have found the way out…together.

My husband still does therapy once a week. He has made changes to his life like removing all those old friends. They were the only people in his life that used drugs. He asked for a transfer at work to a new location. He takes better care of his health; deals with stress and has outlets now for various emotions. We also still do marriage counseling once a month, and I have a therapist but oooppss I have not been to see her since before Thanksgiving. But she is there if I need her. We are also involved in church, but that was something we did before his addiction happened.

During the whole process with my husband, I also tried to focus on my life and not forget the things that were important to me; being a good mother, my career, my parents, my friends, taking better care of myself. I have finally come to realize just how much I learned about myself while we were separated. That was the most difficult period of time for me. But what I see now is that overall I did pretty well given the circumstances, and it has given me confidence. And Im really grateful that I was so open to being involved in the whole rehab experience. I guess the main thing Im proud of is that I wasn’t afraid to face what I would find on the other side. Its like that saying ‘there is nothing to fear, but fear itself’. I really think if things had not gone this well with my husband, I would have been able to deal with it. The process wasn’t about maintaining a hopeful fantasy; it was about finding the truth, and experiencing life on its terms. If I hadn’t tried, then I would feel like I did myself an injustice.

Good Luck to both of you.