Im such a freaking idiot
 

I fell for it AGAIN!!!!!! Why why why?!?!?!?

You are not an idiot, you are a human being with real emotions.

pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and go forward.

Do not look back you no longer live there.

Hang in there.

each time I fell for "it" was just another learning opportunity that finally got me to where I needed to be. You'll quit "falling for it" when you deicde that you deserve better. The saying "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior" comes to mind.

Don't be hard on yourself if you learn something from it!

There is no useful purpose in beating yourself up. I agree with lightseeker....each time we do something and are able to look back and say "I didn't handle that well" it is an opportunity to learn and do better the next time. We're all human.

You asked "why"......and that's a much better approach than beating yourself up. If we can figure out why we do things the way we do them, we can make personal changes.

I'm sorry that things are going sideways for you right now....it happens to all of us.

gentle hugs
ke

Every time I think I've reached my limit, I end up going back.. I can't this time . I can't this time. I need to be strong. I need to be strong. I can't control him. I can't control him.
I need to focus on me. I can't let my mind wander on he lies and manipulations he pulled today or this week. If I do I will go crazy and lose my mind.

I'm trying to hold it together for my daughters. My 8 year old has been through so much and I can't do this to get anymore. Im just as bad of a parent for subjecting her to this. And my 9 month old; he entire 9 months of life has been with a drug addicted father. It makes me sick.

And although I know he used today or tonight and haven't heard from him and hate him, I'm still terrified of a police officer coming to my door or calling me telling me he OD'd. Or he got in an accident from driving under the influence.

I know that fear all to well. hugs and prayers for you.

I did the same thing just when I was healing I went back. This time I can't, we cannot control someone else but we can control ourselves and thats all we need.

If a police officer comes to your door because your partner has been busted for narcotics, Chloe, I think it might put you in jeopardy of being investigated by Child Protection Services. Others here will know more about this kind of risk, but I wanted to mention it so you can keep the possibility in mind while you sort things out.

I'm sorry your family is in so much crisis. But you can, with help from clear-headed others, find a way to some stability. We hope again and again that the addict will take responsibility and keep his promises. A small minority of addicts actually do. They enter recovery and they meet their obligations. But getting there.....they probably shattered a million good intentions. And children...they just can't wait that long for a parent to be sober and safe. Childhood is quick and it's permanent. And nothing is more important than predictability, consistency, and physical and emotional safety.

I hope you get plenty of good advice there where you are. Plenty of help. Wishing you the strength and the courage to try a new way.

You are the one and only who can protect your children and put an end to this.

Children learn how to treat others and allow others to treat them, at home.

Put the best interests of your children before all else and the rest will follow.

You can do this.