19 year old son on steady decline?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 4
Hi
Thanks for the advice. No he is an only child and was pretty much given everything he asked for growing up.
Sorry for what you are going thru with your son. I hope it works out the second time around.
I am still reading thru the great responses to my original thread and am getting some great advice.
Honestly it feels good just to write about it.
Actually I am an SD Dad
Thanks for the advice. No he is an only child and was pretty much given everything he asked for growing up.
Sorry for what you are going thru with your son. I hope it works out the second time around.
I am still reading thru the great responses to my original thread and am getting some great advice.
Honestly it feels good just to write about it.
Actually I am an SD Dad
Originally Posted by Ilovemysonjj 
Hello SD, another SD Mom here 
. My son is almost 23 and we have been dealing with his major heroin addiction (that we became aware of) since he just turned 20. We also had paid for college, only to find out he never even went the last two semesters!
We tried the IOP, the support, the policing and the hands off. He continued to disrespect and lie and steal from his family , including every piece of jewelry that i own. We finally had to file police report and since then, he has done two stints in county jail. Since your son is 19, he is testing every rope you provide him. He is at that age where any attempt to control is scoffed upon. I understand completely how hard it is to decide how to handle this. All I know, is I WISH I had been more involved and or educated when my son was 20. It took us 1 and 1/2 years before we actually developed our boundaries. My son is scheduled to get out of jail and go to an inpatient rehab (second round) on feb 10. I know for me, he MUST decide how he wants to live his life now. I have lived his life for him too long and I must say, I am way to old for this SH*T!
Also, are there other younger siblings? If so, you HAVE to take action. I have two teenagers who were traumatized and still dealing with the issues that my oldest brought upon our home and my part in the matter was not protecting them at the onset of our insanity.
Hugs,
Teresa
. My son is almost 23 and we have been dealing with his major heroin addiction (that we became aware of) since he just turned 20. We also had paid for college, only to find out he never even went the last two semesters!We tried the IOP, the support, the policing and the hands off. He continued to disrespect and lie and steal from his family , including every piece of jewelry that i own. We finally had to file police report and since then, he has done two stints in county jail. Since your son is 19, he is testing every rope you provide him. He is at that age where any attempt to control is scoffed upon. I understand completely how hard it is to decide how to handle this. All I know, is I WISH I had been more involved and or educated when my son was 20. It took us 1 and 1/2 years before we actually developed our boundaries. My son is scheduled to get out of jail and go to an inpatient rehab (second round) on feb 10. I know for me, he MUST decide how he wants to live his life now. I have lived his life for him too long and I must say, I am way to old for this SH*T!
Also, are there other younger siblings? If so, you HAVE to take action. I have two teenagers who were traumatized and still dealing with the issues that my oldest brought upon our home and my part in the matter was not protecting them at the onset of our insanity.
Hugs,
Teresa
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 4
Wanted to say if I didn't know better I would think you were talking about our son
Originally Posted by DJ0822
....
Went to college for 1 year on our dime (we didn't know about pot etc then), we dragged him back home, he said all the right things about knowing he messed up at away colkege and was ready to try comm college, we paid for community college, he did same things - dropped out, trouble with jobs, outrageously horrid bedroom mess, disregard for simple household housekeeping (stupid things like leaving dishes all over house, taking perishables from refrigerator to eat but bit returning them to refrig, seemingly petty things). We smelled smoke in his bedroom, he adamantly denied, was 'astounded' we would accuse him, his hygiene went downhill, was offended when we asked when was last time you took a shower, caught him in lie after lie, the whole works. ......
Went to college for 1 year on our dime (we didn't know about pot etc then), we dragged him back home, he said all the right things about knowing he messed up at away colkege and was ready to try comm college, we paid for community college, he did same things - dropped out, trouble with jobs, outrageously horrid bedroom mess, disregard for simple household housekeeping (stupid things like leaving dishes all over house, taking perishables from refrigerator to eat but bit returning them to refrig, seemingly petty things). We smelled smoke in his bedroom, he adamantly denied, was 'astounded' we would accuse him, his hygiene went downhill, was offended when we asked when was last time you took a shower, caught him in lie after lie, the whole works. ......
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 4
sounds familiar
I really identify with the fear and uncertainty that you have. I have a daughter who is now sober (30days) by the grace of God after a relapse and I too always had that fear that she would cut me off/ or our relationship would be ruined. I also had a tendency to give her the benefit of the doubt, believing the she did not do harder drugs or drink as much. When she would eventually open up to me about her behavior, I would always find out that whatever drinking / drugging I knew about was only the tip of the iceberg. With her I learned that even though she would get mad or say she would never talk to me again, that never happened-- even though I set hard boundaries (like kicking her out or never giving her money when she was using, even for food or shelter). Today we have a good relationship and it is getting better. Unfortunately we are going through the same thing with my son and like yours-- his alcoholism is not blatant, much more subtle than my daughter. I find myself doing the same things though, that I did with her in the beginning: giving him the benefit of the doubt and being afraid of his reactions (anger etc). I also find myself not wanting to set boundaries due to fear of ruining our relationship. Old habits die hard. I am working on it and hope to get him out of my house with as little drama as possible. Only in this way can we have peace to live our own lives and stay out of his disease. I do know I am doing him no favors by making his current lifestyle easier.
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