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So excited!!

Old 01-23-2013, 09:18 PM
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So excited!!

I just booked my plane tickets to go see my Godchild and her beautiful 2 1/2 little girl. I am so excited!! We aren't inviting anyone else this time, as we just want to spend time together alone.

We will be making a trip to go see my father who is not doing well. He has had stage 4 cancer for a few years and it has spread. I know it will be heartbreaking and painful to see my Dad so sick but I wouldn't want to go with anyone else but her.

She has grown so much in the last year. She went back to work full time in her field, ended her relationship with her "controlling" BF, became strong, independent and empowered.

We have always had a special relationship and I am so excited to see her, get away, and gain some clarity. We know other family members will be upset about our plans but we decided its our lives and we can do what we want. They are allowed to feel however they want, but it's not our problem!!

At one time, not too long ago, we both would have felt way too guilty making this time alone for each other. The sense of obligation to include other family members would have prevented it as well. Today, I don't feel any guilt about it nor did she.

Sadly, I have a feeling I will be going back very soon and will have time to spend with other family members.

P.S. A friend asked me if I was anxious about leaving my husband alone. My answer was NO! I am powerless over his choices. This is huge progress for me, because the last time I went, a little over a year ago, I was very anxious. When I got home, he did tell me he took a few pills a couple of times and I believed that. Little did I know, he was an addict and probably took a few pills everyday, several times a day.

Today, I say - He can do what he wants and I mean it!! More importantly, I realize I can do whatever I want and I mean it!!
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Old 01-24-2013, 01:40 AM
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I smile reading this because a few weeks ago I had the same exact revelation and was just as ecstatic. My husband battles with an addiction to prescription pills and many trips of mine have been cancelled due to the anxiety of leaving him alone. Then there were the trips I did take that were equally inundated with anxiety of what he was doing when I was gone; which I found out later was using pills and not leaving our house the whole time I was away. A few weeks ago he relapsed and although it was very difficult, I did not allow myself to curl up into a ball. I was very proud of myself and my strength and ability to view myself as a separate person from my husband and understand that they were his decisions and mess-ups, not my own. I hope you're trip fills you with the joy every needs!
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Old 01-24-2013, 05:44 AM
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Ann
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It shows huge growth that you can go away and enjoy yourself without worrying about what your husband is doing.

I used to stick around because I was worried about my son, and it never helped nor did it change the outcome.

Life is short, enjoy every day and embrace the joy.

Have a wonderful time!!!
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Old 01-24-2013, 06:55 AM
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That's great LMN! I hope you have a wonderful time!
gentle hugs
ke
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:42 AM
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Enjoy your special time with your Godchild and baby, and you go Girl!
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:42 AM
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Have a good trip and enjoy it I am sorry your dad is getting worse.
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:58 AM
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Its amazing how we become "imprisoned" by our own fear, anxiety, and illusion of control. I became such a "homebody" in attempts to play savior/warden without even realizing it in the beginning. When I did realize it, I then struggled to change my own behavior. ughhhhhhh!!
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